Asking Why

I'm sure we've all done it. Asked God why we were faced with certain things in life that seem unfair. Why me? Why us? Why this? Why now?

When God gave us our kids 2 1/2 years ago I knew this would not be an easy road. They warn of the worse case scenario as you sit through all of those classes in order to get your license in order to adopt. They try to prepare you. And although our journey has been relatively easy comparatively, some days I can't help but ask God why things have to be so difficult for my kiddos.

Today we had a meeting with Haley's school about whether they would retain her in 4th grade or move her on to 5th. You may be surprised to know that I wanted her to retake 4th grade while the teachers and administrators were pushing to move her on. I really never thought I would have to fight to keep my child, who is not passing any classes, in her current grade for another year. I was really dreading the meeting. Not because I didn't already know what I felt was the best choice for her, but because I felt like I was being thrown to the wolves because I wanted my daughter to actually understand the concepts of 4th grade before she was faced with the next year. And the fact that I don't do confrontation well didn't easy my worry going in either.

So I struggled and prayed and tried to think through all of my thoughts last night (and surprisingly, I actually slept well). I prayed for favor and really was trusting God to lead my words and to let the decision be motivated by what was really best for Haley and not school funding or reputation or whatever alterior motives may have been on the table. In the end the assistant principle who initially wanted to  send Haley forward decided it would be best for them to give Haley and her to teachers another year to figure some things out and to work with her and the learning disability we only recently received diagnosis of and give her some time to mature in some other areas as well. 

I am so grateful for God's favor in this and that my girl is going to get the opportunity to strengthen her educational foundation before being promoted. I am really trusting God for a great year for her (and the other kids too) and am praying she can continue to do her best and that she can learn to trust God to help her too.

Last night as I was reading my Bible and asking God why we are going through this, he brought me to John 9:1-2. In this passage the disciples were trying to figure out why this man was born blind. They saw this as a punishment for sin and asked who was responsible. Sometimes, when our circumstances are not what we think they should be, we try to figure out what we could have done differently or what we did to deserve this. Many times we feel like we are bring punished when that just isn't the case. Jesus answered that this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. I felt God speaking that this is the case for Haley. The diagnosis, the struggle, all of it is God setting things up so he can show up in a big way in her life.  Praise God!

We don't always know the why's of life, but even when things aren't clear to us we can trust that God is faithful and he is working things out in his way and his timing and according to his perfect plan.

Open Opportunity

Today during the second service, I was worshiping and God was loving on me and honestly, I wasn't paying attention to anyone else.  And then Pastor addressed me with a few short words, "Sandra, is God speaking to you?"

For the few of you who read my blog and do not go to church with me, let me share how God has been moving at my church.  We are a Spirit-led church and by that I mean that there are times when we are worshiping or in God's presence when he speaks to different ones who obey what God says and we follow whatever God wants to do in that moment. There are a few people that God uses in this way often and who Pastor asks if God is speaking to when he doesn't have clarity from God as to where God is leading. 

Pastor asking me that certain question was confirmation in my spirit that God is moving me there. I know that God had spoken to me for the people in the past and there really hasn't been opportunity to run with what God was showing me (or God was just speaking to me for me and teaching me to hear him more clearly). Today, God had not spoken to me, so I quickly said no, but I know God will speak as long as I keep my ears open, and I know the opportunity will come again. Praise God!!

Speaking of speaking, I was able to preach at my church a few weeks ago, and really feel like I should post a link to that sermon here.

Keys to Victory

It was my first time and it takes me a little while to get into it and I start to ramble at the end, but God's Word will never return void.  I pray that God uses this for his glory. 

I shared this with a friend and her response was "Start asking God what is next." So I have been and I believe that he is moving me into a new ministry for him in the coming days.  Praise God!!

Not because of who I am, but because of who He is in me! My prayer is that God will keep leading and I'll be willing to follow, for the sake of His name and His glory!

Baptism

Shortly after the kids moved in with us, they each decided to give their hearts to God. The natural next step is baptism, but at that time they weren't allowed. Since the adoption wasn't final for at least 6 months, one of the rules is that they are not allowed to participate in any religious ceremony before the adoption is final. (I know this probably didn't really apply to our kids since the parent's rights were already terminated before we got them, but I really didn't want to take the risk and jeopardize the adoption in any way, so we chose to wait it out until the adoption was final.) Since then (almost 2 years ago) life has been busy and quite honestly I was waiting for our Pastor to have a baptism service and it just never came up.

So today, our kids were finally baptized.  During the time we have been talking to them about what baptism means since they asked Jesus into their hearts, we have gotten all kinds of responses from them.  Each of them had their share of being scared or not wanting to be in front of the people.  I really had to work on Daniel more than the girls because even though he does love God, he really gets performance anxiety when he thinks everyone is watching him. But today they woke up excited and ready to get baptized and I was grateful!

Katelynn

Daniel

Haley

I am so proud of each of them for taking this big step and they were all able to be baptized on the same day (which I think is pretty cool, even if they don't care.)

Praise God for kids who have chosen to serve him and who are taking steps to love him more each day and make a difference in the lives of those around them.

Intercessor

"Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him because he always lives to intercede for them." Hebrews 7:25

God has really exploded this verse to me in the past few days.

God is able, has the ability and power, is fully equipped and confident in his ability to save me completely. That word "save" is not just talking about salvation, but healing, deliverance, whatever I need the Great I Am to be.  His hand is not too short to reach me. He is not too busy to come through for me, but he is fully capable and willing to be there and to provide all I need.

But why? Or how?  Because Jesus is at the right hand of the throne of God making intercession for me.  The very son of God, who knows the will of the Father and who understands what I am going through (Hebrews 4:15), is interceding on my behalf before the Father.

Can you picture this?  Today, right now, Jesus is talking to God about me, asking God to give me favor, to bless my comings and my goings, to protect me and to guide me, to have his perfect will in my life, to provide his anointing and power for me as I go through my day, to use me for his glory.

Praise God!  I am so thankful that Jesus hasn't delegated this task but is personally interceding for me. And not just for me but for all who have chosen to live for him. 

Yes, life isn't fair, and yes we sometimes struggle, but we have the greatest intercessor lifting us up before the Father and he is able to save us completely!

Pushed

We like to be comfortable. In a place where everything around us is familiar and we feel like we have most things under control. We are in a ready stance for the routine of the day. We like to know what is expected of us and how to meet everyone's expectations of us.

And then we get pushed. 

And we don't like it. We resist it. We fight it.

Like this morning when we woke up to find no electricity in our home. I am just glad we are not high maintenance people.

Or like Gideon in Judges 7. (Yes, him again!) He was pushed by God to reduce his resources and then go into battle against the enemy.

We forget God is in control, even then. I would be naive to think every push in our lives was caused by God. But I do know that no matter how frazzled we get by the unexpected or uncomfortable, God isn't phased one bit.

And being pushed is not a bad thing. God can use it to remind us to trust in him and not our own strength or circumstances. 

And God is stretching us. Molding us to be exactly what he created us for. Forcing us to grow closer to him. To cling more tightly to his side. To develop our character and become more like him.

So, God, as much as I resist your pushing and pulling, please don't stop. I need a little push to remind me you are God and I am not. To force me into your will for me. Where it may be uncomfortable for a season but I will find your presence and leading like never before.

Tuesday Morning Syndrome

Sundays are great! It is nice to get a break from the norm and be able to attend church and be able to worship together with other believers. Every Sunday it seems that God meets us and touches our hearts, refreshing us and strengthening us for the week ahead.

Then Monday rolls around. For me, Mondays are okay. Yes, we all have to go back to school and work, but generally there is some remnant of God's presence from the great Sunday services.  I am still very much aware of what God spoke to me and am living in gratitude for his work in my life.

But then Tuesday hits. At this point, I am deep in the trenches for the week (and they are indeed muddy trenches for me) with homework and duties around the house and stress from work and just the many many little things that I am responsible for or dealing with that I really would rather ignore, but I can't. For me, Tuesdays are the hardest day of the week spiritually speaking. This is when the devil raises his ugly head again and tries to disrupt God's peace in my inner man by creating chaos all around me.

This morning was definitely one of those days.  Starting at about 5:30 (while I was still in bed and at least half asleep) I started dreading getting up. Not because I went to bed too late the night before and not because I knew really anything that my morning would involve, but I could just feel the spiritual attack coming on. Maybe this Tuesday was worse than others because of the awesome way God used me on this past Sunday as I shared His word in the afternoon service. (Praise God for using me!)

But regardless of how I feel or what I think today holds, there are some things I am sure of:

I am not who I think I am. I am who God says I am!
I am strong in the strength of God and will stand against the devil and his lies!
I am not the victim but the victorious through the blood of Jesus!

Right Direction

Sunday is quickly approaching and I am excited (and a little nervous) about what God is going to do through me as I obey him by preaching at my church. I keep hearing over and over in my spirit, "You aren't even going to recognize yourself." God spoke this very clearly to me about a month ago in relation to the new doors he is opening for me.  When I walk through these doors, it won't be my doing, but his and he has promised to go with me and lead me. If I will obey him (even when it doesn't make sense or look like I want it to) he will be faithful to show up.

Shortly after my last post, where I wrote about having the sermon all put together,  God started changing the sermon. As in, it is nothing like it was. There is one verse that applies to both, but besides that, you wouldn't even know they started in the same place if I didn't tell you they did. I guess it's just God's way of making sure I depend on him and not on myself. 

Kinda like God reduced Gideon's army from 37,000 strong men to 300 in Judges 7. God still brought the victory, just not how Gideon expected it to happen. And when he was victorious God's way, Gideon couldn't help but give God the glory.  Yeah, I feel a lot like Gideon. Stripped down to nothing. Being forced (in the best way possible) to depend only on God because I have nothing left.

Last night I had a bad dream. Not bad as in a nightmare, but more like the devil trying to discourage or distract my thoughts. In the dream I was trying to give the word God had given me to the people, but nothing flowed. I was stuttering over my words. People were getting up and leaving in the middle. It was bad. I am honestly surprised I didn't wake up in tears or discouraged. I was able to just identify it for what it is (an attempt to thwart God's plans) and move on. 

Honestly, when the devil starts fighting, it just confirms to me that I am on the right track, going the right direction, following God as he leads. The devil thinks he's so tricky, but my God is bigger than any scheme the devil tries to throw against me. 

So watch out devil, here I come!