7, 6, & 4, oh my!

We found out yesterday that we made it to staffing for another set of siblings, three of them. These are the kids we first submitted for in November of 2010. We never heard about them and put them in the back of our minds and hearts and moved forward. They are also the kids we got another broadcast of right after D&N moved into their uncles. So maybe these are the kids we were supposed to have all along. And maybe not. I don't know and I am totally okay with that. This week I feel like I have had a major spiritual breakthrough. It kinda started when the doctor found absolutely nothing in my surgery last week. Nothing. He said everything was perfect. And I remember getting prayed for very early on in our struggle to conceive (about 5 months in) and the first thing she said was that there was nothing wrong with me or B.J. Now, I really trust this lady and I know that God speaks through her and to her. But I took it at face value and kept praying and waiting. This is what I usually do when God speaks through people because I know that 1)people miss God and 2) if it's really God, he'll confirm it to me. That is part of the reason it took me over 2 years to see a fertility specialist. Part of me really thought that it just wasn't God's time and yet part of me wanted answers. So fast forward...everything is perfect and I remember that God is in control and not me and it just isn't his time. God gave me Psalm 37 to stand on and I am in the process of memorizing it. The entire chapter is listed in the post below if you want to look at it. There are several things he has shown me. 1-"Do not fret" - This is used numerous times in this passage. But the part that stands out is that every time God says don't fret because of other people. The reason we worry is because we are looking at other people and not at God. We compare. We get jealous, envious of others when they get what we think we rightfully deserve. If we would just stop looking at everyone else and look to God, we wouldn't worry nearly as much. As far as how that applies to me, I am not everyone else. There used to be this poem my mom read to me that had a line that said something like "I am me and you are you. I don't smile or talk like you. I don't even walk like you. Because God made one of me, not two." I am not Jill. I love my sister to death, but we are not the same person and God's plan for her includes having a baby in 2 weeks (which I am pretty excited about). God's plan for me is different and that is okay. And I don't need to worry about it. Besides, I am only 28. It's not like I am in my late 30s trying to conceive. I am still young and when God gets good and ready and we have made it through the preparation time He is giving us, then we will conceive. Simple as that. 2 - "Trust" "Wait" - Yeah this is a pretty common theme of my blog posts so I won't go into it any further than to say that when I see these words my immediate response is "Yes, God. I know." 3 - "I have never seen the righteous forsaken." - God is not a god that promises and does not deliver or speaks and then forgets about His kids. He's just not that way. And now is not the time that he will start that. He has not forsaken me and has no plans of that happening in the future. I am not the exception. God will not, can not forsake me. 4 - "inherit the land" - This speaks of God fulfilling his word. Like the Israelites who finally after 40 years of preparation received the promised land of Canaan. Many times in this scripture there is direction and instruction from God and the result is that I will inherit the land. This is hope. Just because I am not stressed or worried about conceiving doesn't mean that I don't think it will happen some day. It will. But God has given me more promises than just that. And I know he will keep his word. It's just his way. I am choosing to enjoy the journey to wherever God is leading. I don't have a clue right now, and that is totally okay. When God wants me to know, he'll tell me. In the meantime, I will get as close to God as I can and I will keep doing the things he has called me to. Because his promises are more that what will happen one day, but they include strength and joy to make it day after day.