Like Water Off a Ducks Back

We've all been in situations where words were spoken that were hurtful or when words weren't spoken that needed to be and the end result was hurt. We've actually all probably been on both the giving and receiving end of those words, if we want to be honest.  In life, those situations are really inevitable and it is up to us to determine how we will respond.

Often times we hold onto those words (or lack there of), allowing them to dig a hole so deep in our souls that we can never recover from it.  We wait for closure. For some type of apology or resolution to the situation at hand, hoping that when we get that, we will be able to move on from the situation and move forward.

In the past year I have been in a couple of falling outs and have learned by experience, that I can't afford to wait for closure in a hurtful situation before I allow myself to move on. Time makes the wounds deeper and harder to recover from, so the sooner I can forgive, the better I will be and the quicker I will be able to be whole again.  My ability to forgive does not depend on someone asking for or deserving my forgiveness, or even realizing and admitting that they have hurt me. There have been times where I was rejected and really still have no clue as to what I did or didn't do, but that doesn't matter. I have chosen to forgive and move on. And that's what we have to do. They don't have to deserve or earn our forgiveness for us to choose to forgive and move on. And be okay with never having a resolution or a solution to the conflict and never fully understanding what happened or why. We forgive for our own sake, not for them. Because if we don't, we are the ones who continue to re-live the hurt and can't move on.

There are relationships that I was so sad to see dwindle to nothing, almost over night. There was times that I missed those people and really felt lonely without them. But I have turned that all over to God and been able to truly forgive them and myself for whatever ended the relationships.  Only when we forgive completely are we able to get past the hurt enough to see what God was doing. I have since realized that such relationships weren't good for me. They encouraged bad habits of mine like comparing myself to others, and working for the approval of men rather than God, and being critical of others. Without those relationships, I am able to stop those habits and focus more on what God is leading me to do and what he is speaking to me.

So I've learned to let those words and hurtful actions roll off my back and not hold to them so tightly, waiting for my rightful revenge.  Not that words don't hurt, because they do. But they don't cripple me any more or cause unnecessary stress in my life.  Because I've learned to forgive and let go, knowing that God knows what he is doing and if he wants to restore those relationships, he is able. Knowing that I can be free from the unforgiveness and hurt without their approval or apology.

Colossians 3:12-14

¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.