Get Up and Fight

I am so tired of the devil beating up on Christians while I watch them just roll over and die. I am so sick of him winning while the kingdom of God suffers.

So I got thinking about why this keeps on happening.  Is it because we are too tired? Too worn. Or are we just ignorant of his schemes?  Do we not realize there is a spiritual battle going on? We don't struggle just because that's the way life is. We struggle because we have an enemy who will try everything in his power to distract us, to keep us from God's best for us. 

The devil doesn't play nice. He wants to destroy you. To get to you by whatever means possible. He'll use your relationships, your kids, your job, your marriage. Whatever it takes.

For too long we have tried to appease the devil and just get by instead of fighting against him as hard as he is against us with our eyes focused on the prize. The victory that was purchased for us on the cross.

We've let him wear us down. By believing his lies. By forgetting to find our strength in the shadow of the wings of the Almighty One. We've tried to defeat him in our own strength and have failed every time.

And its time to get up, dust ourselves off, and fight with every ounce of strength God provides.  To dig into God's word, training ourselves for warfare by learning our weapon (the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God).  So that we can keep fighting, gaining victory, one step at a time.

And stop letting the devil beat us.

Because as long as we roll over, the devil will keep gaining ground and the plans of God will not be fulfilled in us. 

And the fight is worth it because the victory is greater than we can even imagine. Praise God!!

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. II Corinthians 4:16-18

Happy 9 Months Seth!!

 Happy 9 months, sweet boy!  This month has definitely been a month of growth. At your checkup (which was more like 9 months 1 week) you weighed 19lbs 10oz (30th percentile), were 28 inches long (30th percentile) and had a 18.3 inch head (75th percentile).  You have a lot of brains in there or that's what I tell everyone.  You wear size 9 months clothes mostly and size 2 shoes, but your feet are too fat to fit in most shoes without a fight.

 This month you have gotten two teeth and are really into eating baby food. You clearly tell us when you are full by shaking your head "no" and making it impossible to get any more food in your mouth.  We changed your bottles of breastmilk to every 4 hours so mommy only has to pump twice a day at work (wohoo!). Most nights you only wake up once to eat.  However, I think you've had a growth spurt lately because you've had 4 nights in the last 2 weeks that you wanted to eat every 4 hours all night long. That makes mommy very tired.

 You can roll over like a champ and really like standing up holding onto fingers or furniture and walking with help.  You aren't crawling, but are getting awefully close. You love to sit on your bottom and scoot around or spin in circles to get to what you want.  It is so cute!

 
I have only found you sleeping on your belly a few times, but I do think you sleep better that way once you get in that position.

 You say "mama" and "dada" regularly and do a lot of babbling in your own language no one but you can understand. You have recently gotten more clingy to mom and notice when I am gone more. You have given up falling asleep on your own lately and will only fall asleep in my arms. I love holding sleepy babies, but I must admit I have days I wish you would go to sleep easily on your own like you did for a few months.

 You are just such a smiley happy little guy and I am so glad God brought you into my life. I needed to learn to smile and laugh more and you have definitely accomplished that.

 You have learned to give hugs and I just love it when you hold on tight to me. My hair has become your security blanket. You run your hands through my hair when you are nursing or when you are falling asleep and then don't want to let go after you are sleeping.

A lady at the store the other day told me to spray you down and keep you at 9 months forever because it is such a fun time. I agree and wish it was possible.

I love you so much and am so glad you are my sweet little boy!

2 Years

September 18th, 2011

August 26th, 2013

What a difference two years make! Two years ago (give or take a few weeks) we were preparing to meet three kids we knew very little about and who we had been selected to take in as our own.  Even though they weren't placed with us until October 14th, I was in full mommy mode, trying to plan as much as possible for their schooling here.  As a new soon to be mom, I was thrown into the whole registration process (times 3) including odd circumstances (since we were only their legal guardians until the adoption was final) and gaps in information. I had gone ahead and purchased all of their school supplies for the respective grades and was getting their rooms ready for their arrival.

And my sweet kids were about to endure yet another major life change. Moving yet again to another school. And another family. Although they were told they were moving to their adoptive parents, it took them a while to really believe they were going some where to stay. Forever.

And we were about to go through the first of many major life changes. And we had no idea what we were about to get ourselves into. So we went in, without really any idea, but knowing that it felt right, no matter how far we would be stretched personally in the upcoming months.  Knowing that God was orchestrating this for our family. And things would never be the same.

I am still amazed at the hand of God in our lives that brought us all together as a family. It has not been all cupcakes and roses, but God is faithful.  I couldn't help but be grateful for the great kids God gave us this morning as we were getting ready for another first day of school.  This year is the first year in their lives that they are attending a school they have been to before. And I am praying for great things for them!

I can look back at that then and now and know that God is faithful. I can see it in the smiles of my kids faces. Feel it in the morning hugs and "I love you"s. They have grown so much and I am so proud of the young ladies and young man that they have become!

And I wouldn't change a thing or take back one second of the past years.  Because they were meant to be ours. And we needed them as much as they needed us. And life is so much richer, fuller, and better because we get to share it with our three great kids! (And we can't forget Seth, because he's pretty awesome too, if I do say so myself!)

Thank you God for the most amazing two years!  And the best is yet to come!

Teaching the Teacher

If you've ever led a Bible Study or taught Sunday School (or really anything, whether it is spiritual or not) you really learn a lot as the teacher.  When we have a certain topic in Sunday School, I know that the devil will push me and test me in that area either the week before or after I teach it.

We are doing a study on attitudes in our Sunday School class. It is arranged so that you talk about a less than desirable attitude the first week (or in our case 2) and then the replacement/substitute attitude the following weeks.

I casually asked BJ what our new attitude was for this week and he said a critical attitude. And I groaned. God, do I really have to go around this mountain again? (By the way he said yes I do.)

I have struggled with being critical of myself and others for years. And the devil is well aware of that. I think it all goes together with the part of my personality that is a perfectionist and quite competitive.  In the past I have been the perpetual critic of how others are doing life and was very free to think of how they should do things differently in order to "fix" their problems. I would spend hours and sleepless nights just contemplating how they were doing things all wrong. (Note: I haven't always shared my opinions with others because I also tend to avoid confrontation, but the thoughts alone would make me frustrated and just ruin my day)

And although I am sure it sneaks up now and again, a quick look at myself was really quite encouraging. I really have grown in this area (and all credit goes to God, because I definitely can't change my own bad habits.)  

I have learned that sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) it is really better if I don't know what goes on in other people's lives.  Not that I am uninvolved or rude about it, but I used to have to know what everyone was doing so I could critique (judge) them based on it and determine in my head how they could have done it better and how if it was me, I wouldn't be in their current state. As far as this goes, ignorance really is bliss. If I don't know what they are doing in the privacy of their own home or family, there is less information for me to be critical of.

Because of God's help, I am now able to be the listening ear when someone is complaining about someone else without picking up on their critical attitude. That used to be really hard. I would carry around everyone's opinions of everyone else (whether I agreed with them or not) and would get increasingly critical of everyone.  But God is changing that too.  He is using me in situations that used to be very gossipy to bring in another side, to defend the one they are criticizing. And honestly, we really never do know why people respond/react in the manner they do if we aren't them and haven't been in their shoes. I guess you could call this compassion. God is allowing me to be the voice of concern and compassion instead of fueling the fire of judgement and criticism.  Never really thought about it like that before.

I am so glad that God loves us enough to not leave us as we are but to change us to be closer to him and live in his ways. Praise God!!

Connecting the Dots

A little while back I wrote about two ladies who I felt connected to and burdened for and had been praying for. I hadn't told either lady and was just doing what God had told me.

In the past week, both of these people have contacted me, saying God told them to ask me to pray and gave me some specifics.  It totally shocked me and I took it as confirmation that I had heard God clearly regarding praying for these people. Amazing!

Then on Monday night I was up pretty late praying for both of these situations and God very clearly gave me a word and a specific prayer for them. God gave me a burden that evening like I have never had before and I interceded on their behalf. I shared with them on Tuesday morning what God had said and they both responded very clearly that it was God and resonated with what God was showing them. It feels so good to know that you really are hearing God and he is using you to bless others.

Months ago I felt like God was leading me to be an intercessor and had asked God to use me that way. Then God was silent on the issue. I'm sure you've been there. So as is normal, I just assumed I was wanting something that wasn't God's will and I moved on. I mean I knew he wants us all to pray for each other, but being an intercessor is different than that. But after this week, I see all the dots connecting together and another piece of God's plan coming to fulfillment in my life. Praise God!

It is so amazing to serve a God that loves me so much and takes pleasure in speaking to me and using me to minister to his people. There is just nothing like it.

God doesn't quit!

Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God’s Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. Philippians 1:3-6 The Message

 God does not give up. He doesn't get distracted or decide that we aren't worth his effort. He keeps working on us day after day, weaving together his perfect will in our lives, making us more like him, getting all the details of our lives lined up perfectly so he can have complete freedom in us.

All the while we may feel him near, or we may feel nothing. But God is still working.

We may feel lonely or abandoned or treated unfairly. But God is still working.

We may look around and compare, saying "Why me?" or "When is it my turn?" But God is still working.

And it is hard to convince ourselves that God is indeed working things out for his glory in us when we have no proof of that. No feeling. No fact that would lead us to that conclusion.

Except his word. Which is the rock on which we stand.

When the world around me is crumbling and I feel like I am drowning and no one can understand or see me.  God is still working and His word is still true.

And there is hope. Not because the circumstance has changed one bit. But because God is still God, even in the struggle.

So we hold on. Not to what we can see or feel. But to God, by faith, knowing despite our emotions and feelings that He Is Faithful!!  

We don't understand how or why, but we know who and He is enough!

One Small Step for Seth, One Huge Step for Mommy

Today was a breakthrough Sunday for Seth and I. 

He's been nursing every 3 hours for about 7 months (except for night time). In the past few weeks he's been eating more food consistently and nursing about every 4 hours. For some reason, Sundays are the hardest for me to change his schedule. All other days he is either with one of the grandmas (who have bottles of my milk for him including some extra if needed) or with me (where I can feed him on demand essentially). We have been able to switch him to every 4 hours with the option for food and such in between if needed. But on Sundays, I am involved in ministry between teaching Sunday School and helping my dad lead worship and plan his eating around my availability. I have woken him up from naps in the nursery many times to feed him when I was available, whether he was hungry or not. So it has been a little stressful to say the least.

Today we switched him to his new every 4 hour nursing schedule and it went great! I told the nursery attendant the plan and told her to text me if he was inconsolable before I came back to feed him. And he made it. I was able to sit through an entire church service for the first time since he was born. And to top things off, I got to sit through both services (the second one is shorter so this isn't as big of an accomplishment). I nursed him at 8 before we left for church, 12 just after morning worship was over and then when we got home at 4. It was just perfect!

Worship was really good this morning. God's presence was just so awesome!  The songs just flowed and I felt like I was totally engaged in worship (if that makes any sense). It was just so good! It's been a while.

Let's just say it has been hard since Seth was born. I've wanted to worship freely (because that is just what I love and how God made me) but when I chose to breastfeed Seth, I gave up part of that. Because I've been living on a clock, perpetually checking the time while I played the piano for worship so I could feed Seth when I needed to. Leaving when God was moving at times, my mom filling in on the piano, missing part or most of the sermon, not knowing what the altar call was for, not being free to respond when God was calling me. All because of the decision I made to nurse Seth. I am not complaining because it was/is my choice, but feeling left out at times, definitely. 

But starting today, things just got a whole lot easier in that respect. Praise God! I really had days I never thought I would get here.  But God is faithful, even in this little area of my life that doesn't really affect anyone but me. And I know that God knows where I am right now and he understands and has compassion on me. I am hoping this new schedule continues to work for us and I can get back involved, fully, in what God is doing at our church. One small step that I am so grateful for. 

P.S.: Obviously, if it bothered me that much or if I really wanted to, I could have chosen to stop nursing Seth earlier. Just not what I have chosen. I am not complaining, just thankful for the little things today. And thankful to be able to worship again without the constant distraction of checking a clock.

Help!

It's been a crazy birthday running around all day from party to party (none of which were for me) with really no down time. I should be working on my Sunday School lesson, but I wanted to get this blog done first.  And once I have something I want to get done, I really can't focus on any other task until it is completed, so not blogging first is really a waste of time.

Last night I was reading/studying Exodus 18.  At that time Moses was going to God on behalf of all of the Israelites and had given himself the job of resolving any disputes or arguments between them and taking those burdens on himself. In verses 14 through 17 Jethro asks Moses what he is doing and why he has put this upon himself while all the other Israelites sit around and do nothing basically. Jethro tells him he is crazy for trying to do all that by himself and he needs help or needs to delegate.  A couple of things stuck out to me.

1. The verses don't really say where Moses got this job from. I wonder if he gave it to himself or if God put it on his heart or if it was something he felt needed to be done so he took it upon himself to do it. I really believe that there are things God places on our hearts to do that we take and run with, to the point that when the job grows beyond our capacity, we continue to do it all without delegating because we believe that is what God intended.  God never intended for us to be stretched so thin that we aren't affective for his kingdom. We need to learn to fully realize that if God calls us to something and it grows to the point of being way beyond what we can handle, it is okay to ask God for help, to send someone to come along side. Remember, that thing God has given you, yeah, it isn't yours, it's God's and if you are doing it for him, he will provide you with some help so you don't have to do everything by yourself. He doesn't want you to carry everything by yourself.

2. Jethro, Moses' Father-in-law, had to tell Moses he had taken on too much and needed to delegate.  I am sure he knew it and he felt it, but either didn't want to delegate or tried to convince himself he was fine. Delegating what God has given you (or even a piece of it) to someone else is hard. Because its hard to trust other people and easier to just do it yourself. (This goes with normal life too and not just spiritual stuff.) Sometimes we are so deep in the weeds (or really believe the need we are meeting won't be met if we don't do it) that we can't or won't get help. Getting help, and training takes time. I get that. And change is hard.

Have you ever thought that someone else may need to be needed? That God wants to use that thing to grow someone else spiritually, like he did you when you first started? That getting help isn't just about you but it also for the benefit of the kingdom and other Christians?

I know this is me preaching to myself as much as anything else, but it still needs to be said. Because getting help doesn't mean we are failures or inadequate. It means God is ready to grow us and others around us by changing things up.

Growth never occurs if life stays status quo. If the same people keep doing the same jobs the same way without any fresh revelation from God, it is much harder for God to move us up as a body. But when he is able to move us where he needs us for the moment, he cause us to train others to come along beside or with us. And growth and change will come.

Compassion

Let me start by prefacing this post by saying how amazed I am that when God wants to teach you, it seems to come at you from all directions, almost in a way you can't get away from, well at least for me. I wasn't going to post on this topic, but it just seemed to be coming from everywhere.

 I woke up earlier this week with this verse on my heart:

Psalm 145:8-9

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
    slow to anger and rich in love.  

The Lord is good to all;
    he has compassion on all he has made.

If my goal is to be like God, I definitely fall short in the compassion area. Where God is compassionate toward me as he is teaching me his ways, my natural tendency is to be critical and frustrated when people don't apply themselves as I think they should or are irresponsible for their own actions.

And I'm learning that being compassionate like God is towards me, requires that I learn to filter my words and reactions before they come out. And that is hard for me, especially at home where I feel that I should be able to just be me. The problem is that the natural/sinful me (without God's help) is definitely not compassionate and gracious. So I have to always be on my guard against my tendencies to let my guard down and just let my frustrations flow without second thought to the affect they are having on others.  And if I'm being honest, I don't want to have to filter myself, but if I love those around me, I will slow things down and think before I speak so I don't hurt them.

I expect my kids to think before they speak/act so why do I think I can just say or do whatever? I have got to learn to have compassion for others enough to slow down my thoughts and words. 

Why is compassion and being gracious so hard for me?  I guess this is just where I struggle. But the closer I get to Jesus, the easier it will be to see people as he sees them and to give them some grace and compassion instead of being critical and frustrated when humans don't live up to my high expectations.  

Including myself. I guess it all really starts with me. When I can really see myself how God sees me, then I can be compassionate toward myself and that will flow over to other parts of my life. 

And if I'm not being critical of myself and others, I have learned to be indifferent. Because if I love little, I have little to lose when I am rejected or hurt. I have become guarded in some ways and it has definitely hurt me.

But God is breaking me down and cleaning out some of the junk to make room for more of him.  And I'm so grateful for his love, his compassion and I look forward to the person he is making me to be, for his glory.