Compassion

Let me start by prefacing this post by saying how amazed I am that when God wants to teach you, it seems to come at you from all directions, almost in a way you can't get away from, well at least for me. I wasn't going to post on this topic, but it just seemed to be coming from everywhere.

 I woke up earlier this week with this verse on my heart:

Psalm 145:8-9

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
    slow to anger and rich in love.  

The Lord is good to all;
    he has compassion on all he has made.

If my goal is to be like God, I definitely fall short in the compassion area. Where God is compassionate toward me as he is teaching me his ways, my natural tendency is to be critical and frustrated when people don't apply themselves as I think they should or are irresponsible for their own actions.

And I'm learning that being compassionate like God is towards me, requires that I learn to filter my words and reactions before they come out. And that is hard for me, especially at home where I feel that I should be able to just be me. The problem is that the natural/sinful me (without God's help) is definitely not compassionate and gracious. So I have to always be on my guard against my tendencies to let my guard down and just let my frustrations flow without second thought to the affect they are having on others.  And if I'm being honest, I don't want to have to filter myself, but if I love those around me, I will slow things down and think before I speak so I don't hurt them.

I expect my kids to think before they speak/act so why do I think I can just say or do whatever? I have got to learn to have compassion for others enough to slow down my thoughts and words. 

Why is compassion and being gracious so hard for me?  I guess this is just where I struggle. But the closer I get to Jesus, the easier it will be to see people as he sees them and to give them some grace and compassion instead of being critical and frustrated when humans don't live up to my high expectations.  

Including myself. I guess it all really starts with me. When I can really see myself how God sees me, then I can be compassionate toward myself and that will flow over to other parts of my life. 

And if I'm not being critical of myself and others, I have learned to be indifferent. Because if I love little, I have little to lose when I am rejected or hurt. I have become guarded in some ways and it has definitely hurt me.

But God is breaking me down and cleaning out some of the junk to make room for more of him.  And I'm so grateful for his love, his compassion and I look forward to the person he is making me to be, for his glory.