Today was a breakthrough Sunday for Seth and I.
He's been nursing every 3 hours for about 7 months (except for night time). In the past few weeks he's been eating more food consistently and nursing about every 4 hours. For some reason, Sundays are the hardest for me to change his schedule. All other days he is either with one of the grandmas (who have bottles of my milk for him including some extra if needed) or with me (where I can feed him on demand essentially). We have been able to switch him to every 4 hours with the option for food and such in between if needed. But on Sundays, I am involved in ministry between teaching Sunday School and helping my dad lead worship and plan his eating around my availability. I have woken him up from naps in the nursery many times to feed him when I was available, whether he was hungry or not. So it has been a little stressful to say the least.
Today we switched him to his new every 4 hour nursing schedule and it went great! I told the nursery attendant the plan and told her to text me if he was inconsolable before I came back to feed him. And he made it. I was able to sit through an entire church service for the first time since he was born. And to top things off, I got to sit through both services (the second one is shorter so this isn't as big of an accomplishment). I nursed him at 8 before we left for church, 12 just after morning worship was over and then when we got home at 4. It was just perfect!
Worship was really good this morning. God's presence was just so awesome! The songs just flowed and I felt like I was totally engaged in worship (if that makes any sense). It was just so good! It's been a while.
Let's just say it has been hard since Seth was born. I've wanted to worship freely (because that is just what I love and how God made me) but when I chose to breastfeed Seth, I gave up part of that. Because I've been living on a clock, perpetually checking the time while I played the piano for worship so I could feed Seth when I needed to. Leaving when God was moving at times, my mom filling in on the piano, missing part or most of the sermon, not knowing what the altar call was for, not being free to respond when God was calling me. All because of the decision I made to nurse Seth. I am not complaining because it was/is my choice, but feeling left out at times, definitely.
But starting today, things just got a whole lot easier in that respect. Praise God! I really had days I never thought I would get here. But God is faithful, even in this little area of my life that doesn't really affect anyone but me. And I know that God knows where I am right now and he understands and has compassion on me. I am hoping this new schedule continues to work for us and I can get back involved, fully, in what God is doing at our church. One small step that I am so grateful for.
P.S.: Obviously, if it bothered me that much or if I really wanted to, I could have chosen to stop nursing Seth earlier. Just not what I have chosen. I am not complaining, just thankful for the little things today. And thankful to be able to worship again without the constant distraction of checking a clock.
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