Attack

This past week was an emotional rollercoaster for me and I really don't have any one thing to point to as the reason or source. I just know that I was unreasonably stressed, which I haven't been in a while (Praise God for that!) To give you a little bit of an idea of how my week went, I cried twice at work. I guess I am just dealing with a lot of issues from multiple areas which have combined to make me feel emotional, without any one thing being overwhelming.

The kids started school which was fine, except the first week of school seems like such a waste. With no homework and no real attention to good/bad behavior, next week will be a better test of what the new normal will be for them. (
I was encouraged when Haley remember by herself that she needed to read today and took care of it. I told her that I was so proud of her for taking initiave and responsibility and doing what she was supposed to do without us having to hound on her for it. Praying this means things are looking up for her.). So next week is the real first week of school where we all get to adjust to homework and schedules. Ready to settle into the school routine again.

Then there is BJs job. He has been promoted to a management job at Walmart. I am so proud of him and excited for him. The stress comes from me in the whole I don't do change part of my a personality. And when I am forced to do change I want it done already. For us, BJ starts 4-6 weeks if training on the 8th and then we will know what his new schedule is. So I can't know or plan or anything until mid September. Ugghh...I'll try to just not think about it until there is actually something I can plan. :)

Work feels stressful, kinda. Not because of the amount of work, because that is definitely more manageable than in past years. More because for whatever reason the hurry up and wait of the job is just weighing heavy on me this year. Kinda weird since I've been doing this fulltime for 9 years. Maybe I have more outside things going on and that makes the unpredictability harder.

And maybe the emotional stress is not related to any of that, but is a spiritual attack. Last Sunday, Pastor and I scheduled another Sunday for me to speak at church, so there is definitely reason for the devil to try and get me down.  I had someone very special to me says that if the devil can get to me, he can get to a lot of people, my kids, my husband, my Sunday School class, my Wednesday night girls, other members of the church family, my work family, etc.  When you are in the middle of an attack from the enemy, it is easy to feel isolated and alone, but those words reminded me even though this could be about me, I have no choice but to keep fighting because my choice to give up (which if you know me is not an option) would affect many.  I can't afford to be selfish in this.

No worries! I will get through this as well. That silly devil must have forgotten how determined I am to not let him win. He must not remember that I come through the fire shining like gold.  I do covet your prayers as I go through this, because I know there is power in prayer. I know that God has promised me a lot and he is faithful to his word. I know that he prepared me for this, and in his strength I am victorious!