Jesus Paid it All

Jesus paid it all.
All to him I owe.
Sin had left a crimson stain.
He washed it white as snow.

For Christmas, I got the Newsboys CD Hymns. At first I didn't love it because of the way the hymns were being redone. They were making them too modern or contemporary. I tend to like hymns more traditional or with a black gospel feel.  But over time, I have come to enjoy at least a few of the songs which leads me to this, my latest post in the collection of writings about hymns.

I'm not sure that I knew this hymn as a young child or if I've recently heard it for the first time (I know we didn't sing it at the church I grew up in, but I must have heard it somewhere.) The words that keep resonating in my head are "all" and "stain."

All - without exception, everything, big or small.

Every sin, every shortcoming, every failure I have ever had or will ever experience were paid for by the sacrifice of Jesus. There is no sin that the blood is not enough to cover.

StaIn - a permanent mark or scar. Unable to be removed by any amount of work or persuasion.

But God. In his grace. I am made white as snow. Covered in the righteousness of Jesus.

I am a doer. I like to make things happen and work to see accomplishments reached. But there is nothing I can ever do to cleanse myself of the filthy stain that sin he left.

But for the blood of Jesus.

Because of him, I  am enough. I am chosen, called for a greater purpose than I could ever create for myself.

Jesus paid it all and I am free to serve him without fear of rejection. Or punishment. Knowing that he is for me.

Realizing we are nothing without Him is a humbling place. And a freeing place where we are able to shift the responsibility of our success on his very capable shoulders and learn to trust and obey as he leads.

Oh praise the one who paid my debt
And raised this life up from the dead.

So soon!!

Today I bit the bullet and marched down to Motherhood Maternity and bought some jeans. Now, I know I am only 7.5 weeks pregnant and I am not showing really, but I also know that attempting to wear normal jeans, even unbuttoned and even with a bellyband yesterday was miserable.

So I got three pairs of jeans that should last me until the baby arrives in August. Jeans are really the only thing I need. I saved all of my maternity clothes plus the few items my sister added to the collection during her last pregnancy so I should be set. The seasons should be close to the same as last time since Texas summer/fall aren't really that different.

Most of my normal (non-maternity) work clothes were on the bigger side since I was at my skinniest before I became pregnant and hadn't bought new smaller clothes really. All that to say, it should be a little while before I need to pull all of my maternity clothes out of the attic.

Bj and I really struggled with girl names with Seth but didn't have to resolve that once we found out he was a boy. So now, I am mulling over some names and trying to come up with another boy name that I like and girl names. Generally I have come up with names I like and then run them by BJ. He doesn't tend to have an opinion unless it is negative so that will at least help me eliminate names. The way I figure, I have about 10-11 weeks to at least get a couple of options ready.  Nothing like starting early. That is so not typical Sandra behavior. Ha!

So grateful for the chance to do this again! God is so good!

Christmas MIracle

Disclaimer: I wrote this blog on December 31st to post when we decided to share our news with Facebook world.

We found out on Christmas morning that we are expecting our 5th child. If you know me and my desire to plan things this is not a surprise to us. I went off birth control in July and we've been praying for God to bless us with a child since then. We haven't really been trying for another as in we haven't been recording temps or charting like last time, but we have been paying attention to my cycle and trying to time things correctly. It took us 6 months to conceive (which if you are keeping track is also about the same amount of time it took after the kids got placed in pur home to conceive Seth).

We have learned not to tell our kids any important news until we are ready to tell the world. We told our kids on Christmas evening and then they told the family at pur various Holiday events in the few days after that. Our church family found out on December 28th, or at least whoever was at church that day.

My mother in law was shocked at first and my father in law immediately started talking about the twins I was carrying. As far as I know we are not having twins. He did this during my pregnancy with Seth too. He's always trying to stir something up. We told them Friday night in Decatur. Saturday morning the kids told Bop and Memo.

Then we headed up to Wichita Falls to my sisters house. They hosted Christmas. The kids got distracted by the snow and Katelynn nonchalantly mentioned we were pregnant about 5 minutes after we arrived. I didn't intend to even tell anyone in my family that I was off birth control until I was pregnant but my mom asked me a point blank question on Thanksgiving and I had to answer. So she kinda knew it was coming, but I don't think she expected the announcement at Christmas.

I didn't really respond the best to a lot of the congratulations because I've been kinda worn out over the holiday break. I said thank you but honestly felt a little overwhelmed mixed with some denial. I would normally chalk it up to being with my kids all day every day, but I'd guess being pregnant has contributed too. 

I have been a little hesitant to share on Facebook because 5 kids is a lot. OK, 4 kids is a lot and 5 is more than that! I've been a little unsure as to how our news would be received.

So today I am 5 weeks and feeling pretty normal except for the occasional hunger/nausea pains that remind me I am indeed pregnant. This was also the only real symptom I had early with Seth. Hopefully this means my pregnancy will be relatively easy like the last one.

Tight pants or jeans are a bit uncomfortable but not too bad. I do prefer to be standing up or laying down to sitting already, but its bearable. Seth made me pretty uncomfortable because of how low it felt like he was sitting when I was pregnant with him.

We are so grateful for another baby and am really looking forward to the first doctors appointment and sonogram! The first appointment is February 2nd, so stay tuned for an update from the doctor and a sonogram picture.

Super Mom!

As a mom, I have come to realize there are a lot of things I fail at. And honestly, I'm okay with that. For Seth there are two things I just can't make happen: eating at the table with the family and napping. I suppose this is my own fault because I have given in too many times on both of these issues.

In my defense, Seth does eat decently on his terms. He'll eat good food but would much rather eat it on the couch or walk around between bites. And I have chosen to not fight that battle right now as long as we are at home. I have let him stand in my lap while I eat which means he'll occasionally eat his food at the dinner time. Just not sitting in his chair like I'd like him to.

Haley just has the magic touch. She can get him to play games with his food and the end result is eating in his high chair at the table. I guess I am not ambitious enough to make that happen right now. So I let her be in charge. It is something about me. He will be doing fine eating for whomever and as soon as I enter he has to be held and refuses to sit like a big boy. Strong willed child. Just like his momma.

And then there's napping. The grandmas can get him to nap. Bj can get him to nap. Not me. He fights and screams and I always give up. In my defense, I am usually in a house full of children trying to get him to nap and the grandmas usually have him alone.

But today I took him to my room, read him some books while he laid on my bed, gave him a bottle, and then his pacifier and he is now napping. It only took 45 minutes or so.

Some days its the little things that make you feel like supermom.

And I threatened the big kids with grounding if they wake him up. Sometimes those kids have no sense, being all loud right next to the room he is sleeping in. Goodness!!

Loving the life of a mom of 4. Never a dull moment.

Rejoice with those who rejoice...

And mourn with those who mourn.

I hate illness and I hate death. There are never sufficient words to share that will truly bring comfort when someone is grieving. And things can be complicated by pat Christian answers that feel fake and forced. Because no matter how bad I feel for what someone else has had to endure, I can never take that pain away from someone else.

Because there is only One who can truly provide peace and comfort.

When a relationship is strained already, things are made worse. My intentions appear selfish or "because it is the right thing" and not out of my love and concern for another. I wish I could help, but I fear how it will be received.

On the flip side, God is doing some amazing things in my life, but sharing those at a time of grief seems inconsiderate at best.

So I wait and pray and let God work it all out, and I'll obey as he leads.

Helpers

When I picked the kids up yesterday from Aunt Martha's I had plans for my day. I wanted to at least start getting Christmas done. I didn't really think the kids would help but decided I would be happy if they would play good together upstairs with Seth so I could get it all done (while watching football of course).

After we ate our Sonic for lunch, Haley decided she wanted to clean their bathroom upstairs. The others followed suite and began to clean whatever they wanted to (windows, toilets, showers, etc and their rooms) with a little direction from me. Meanwhile, I started taking down Christmas. In didn't follow up or check any of their work, but was just thankful for some unsolicited help so I could get Christmas down.

They are really good kids and did a good job and I was so proud of their attitudes. They also have been much more willing to empty the dishwasher and whatever other small tasks they are assigned. I think they really got a wakeup call when they realized that other kids have chores too (thank you Aunt Martha). I have not been the best at having a  schedule for chores and such, but I expect them to do their own laundry, put up what they are playing before getting something new out, and help with the dishwasher as needed.

God has blessed me with some great helpers!

New Year

Honestly, it'd been a while since I've actually been awake to ring in the new year. If I have been, its been alone. My kids don't generally get to stay up because they have a hard time sleeping in the next day and they can be grumpy when they are missing sleep. It just isn't worth it. Bj usually works on New Years so he goes to sleep at normal time.

Last night the older kiddos spent the night with "Aunt Martha" and their cousins. I hope they had a fun time. I am going to pick them up in a few minutes. I sent Seth to bed early since he didn't have a nap. It was dark so he didn't know the difference. Bj and I watched Braveheart and then went to bed.

I thought about blogging some resolutions or goals for the new year, but wasn't really motivated last night. I've been thinking about the words restore and new and how they are different. Restore means to bring back to an original state. As much as restoration is like getting a new start at goals and dreams, at Gods best, it isn't the same. Because with restoration comes the experience and trials of the past. That's a good thing. When we allow God to restore friendships, dreams, our relationship with him, there is a history that remains. There is experience and lessons we have learned along the way that we can use to propel us forward into the next thing God has for us. There are areas in our lives where we need a new start, but it would be ignorant of us to ignore what God has taught us and go around that mountain again unnecessarily. We need God to refresh and restore us.

To give a physical example, we have been parents for about 3 years. I've learned a lot since we first became parents. There are many parenting skills that have adapted and changed from my original thoughts. Each day is a new start, something new to learn, but it is not truly starting over. There is no need to relearn from square one each day. Each day builds on the previous and each day is a step forward.

The same with living for God. I don't want a new start this year. I want to keep on going forward, learning from the lessons of the past and hopefully listening and obeying well enough the first time to not have to keep going through the same test again and again. I want to see spiritual growth in me, my husband, and my kids. I want God to stretch us and mature us to see things his way and hear him clearly. I want to be a better mom, husband, and friend. I want to be who Got has made me to be, whatever that takes.

On a practical level, I want to spend more time doing personal Bible study rather than just reading my Bible this year. I know this takes more time, so I'm gonna try and make a list of things I want to study or that God lays on my heart to look into. I also want to spend more time worshipping. I did pretty well on this last year, but Christmas and Christmas music kinda got in the way, because I let it in December.

I'm looking forward to a new year with God. Every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before.