Today, or rather this week, I've compared myself to others, I've asked God why me? I've struggled as I fell on my face again as a mom. But instead of rehashing all of that and blogging through my tears I'm doing something really intentional, even though I don't feel it at all.
Today I'm choosing to be thankful for what God has given me and not dwell in the what-ifs. Today I'm thankful that my house is full and never quiet. That there is chaos and fussing between the kids because at least that means there are kids here. Today I'm thankful that God has given me them all to draw me closer to him. Today I'm thankful for the plans he has for them even though I can't see it and it is definitely not going to be fulfilled through my efforts which always seem to fall short.
I'm thankful for their smiles and laughs. I'm thankful that they aren't afraid to be silly and goofy. I'm thankful that they aren't shy or intimidated by others often (such the opposite of me as a little girl). I'm thankful that they make friends easily. I'm thankful that they are respectful to others. I'm thankful that they don't fight me about going to church. I'm thankful that despite my failings, which are many, they are thriving. I'm thankful for God's grace when I mess things up.
I'm thankful that God's ways are greater than mine. I'm thankful that he sees potential when I can't. I'm thankful that he knows each one of my kids and has had plans for them since before they were born. Before I had any thoughts or intentions regarding adoption and adding them to our family. I'm thankful that His word always accomplishes his purposes.
I'm thankful that this too will pass. I'm thankful that God's mercies are new every morning.
I'm thankful that he has them, all of them in the palm of his hands. I'm thankful that God's plans are purposeful and intentional and not accidental.
I'm thankful that God is changing me. I'm thankful that His strength is made perfect in weakness. I'm thankful that I don't have to make God's will happen. I'm thankful that God knew what he was doing when he gave them, all of them, to us, and he still knows what he is doing now. His plans didn't change because I'm not the mom I wish I was, but he knew me, and gave them to us and still chose this for them. Because our family was His best for them.
Praise God for He is Good!!
Thursday, July 5, 2018
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
Broader Horizons
I don't know how else to say it except to say that the last year and a half have been life changing for me. For a person who naturally likes order and routine, being forced to change in so many ways has been so good for me. I've grown spiritually so much in that time frame (maybe more in breadth than depth). I think that some times we get so used to our normal and we focus on growing in areas of strength or comfort more than growing by letting God push us into new and different things.
Before, I was in a place where I was getting opportunity to preach 3-4 times a year at my home church. Since then I've preached once. I didn't feel like that ministry was over, but I was in a time of personal stretching and growing in different areas. When we were without a pastor I spoke a few times to fill in. And really, God has been using me in different ways, so I haven't really had the desire to preach. Just been focusing on different things. I am not complaining at all, and really didn't feel like the opportunity was over, but just that I was in a different season.
So I have a couple of potential preaching opportunities coming up and I've started asking God to lead my study as I prepare. I asked God to show me what "they" (whoever that may be) need to hear and God has just started speaking like he never stopped. I'm not saying that God hasn't been speaking, but I've been kinda in a self learning/growing mode and God has been speaking to me personally but not really for others. When I was preaching more, I would constantly be putting sermons together (at least in pieces) waiting for the opportunity. I kind of wondered if God would still choose to speak to me for that purpose and I'm convinced the answer is a loud YES. It's truly an amazing honor that he would choose me.
So I'm excited to see what God's going to do. In areas where I thought he was done or had moved me on, I guess he's just expanding my horizons. Praise God! Lord, whatever you want, where ever you lead, I will follow.
Before, I was in a place where I was getting opportunity to preach 3-4 times a year at my home church. Since then I've preached once. I didn't feel like that ministry was over, but I was in a time of personal stretching and growing in different areas. When we were without a pastor I spoke a few times to fill in. And really, God has been using me in different ways, so I haven't really had the desire to preach. Just been focusing on different things. I am not complaining at all, and really didn't feel like the opportunity was over, but just that I was in a different season.
So I have a couple of potential preaching opportunities coming up and I've started asking God to lead my study as I prepare. I asked God to show me what "they" (whoever that may be) need to hear and God has just started speaking like he never stopped. I'm not saying that God hasn't been speaking, but I've been kinda in a self learning/growing mode and God has been speaking to me personally but not really for others. When I was preaching more, I would constantly be putting sermons together (at least in pieces) waiting for the opportunity. I kind of wondered if God would still choose to speak to me for that purpose and I'm convinced the answer is a loud YES. It's truly an amazing honor that he would choose me.
So I'm excited to see what God's going to do. In areas where I thought he was done or had moved me on, I guess he's just expanding my horizons. Praise God! Lord, whatever you want, where ever you lead, I will follow.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Practical Faith
The past couple of weeks have been a little different for me. God has showed me some of his plans for me (not the details, cause that would be way too simple). So I've been praying for guidance and He has provided.
I've been asking God for next steps and he's basically given me a "to-do list." Just a few things at a time to do and as I obey him, he gives me a few more. I have 2 things on my list right now.
Although it almost seems too simple, I'm starting to think that's how it's supposed to be. Sometimes we overcomplicate things. Our faith is so theological and idealistic sometimes that it requires almost perfect circumstances to feel successful or good about. I don't know, just thinking out loud. Kinda like Jesus told us to become like little children. Here it and do it. And the more we hear and do the more he can ask us to do. It's baby steps to the big stuff.
Now, I'm not at all saying that any of the things God is asking me to even makes sense in line with what I know is the bigger plan, but if I just hear and obey, hear and obey, the pieces of the puzzle will fit together eventually. And in the process I'll become better at obeying and it'll become easier to trust God with the big stuff.
So I challenge you: Ask God for a to-do list and see what he'll do. But you have to listen for directions, and be willing to obey when he speaks.
I've been asking God for next steps and he's basically given me a "to-do list." Just a few things at a time to do and as I obey him, he gives me a few more. I have 2 things on my list right now.
Although it almost seems too simple, I'm starting to think that's how it's supposed to be. Sometimes we overcomplicate things. Our faith is so theological and idealistic sometimes that it requires almost perfect circumstances to feel successful or good about. I don't know, just thinking out loud. Kinda like Jesus told us to become like little children. Here it and do it. And the more we hear and do the more he can ask us to do. It's baby steps to the big stuff.
Now, I'm not at all saying that any of the things God is asking me to even makes sense in line with what I know is the bigger plan, but if I just hear and obey, hear and obey, the pieces of the puzzle will fit together eventually. And in the process I'll become better at obeying and it'll become easier to trust God with the big stuff.
So I challenge you: Ask God for a to-do list and see what he'll do. But you have to listen for directions, and be willing to obey when he speaks.
Saturday, May 26, 2018
Friend of God
Before I start, let me apologize if the title of this blog has started a neverending cycle of the Israel Houghton song in your head. Seriously!! Now on to the good stuff...
As a Christian, one of the most important things to us should be our relationship with God. Christian means "Christlike" and is not synonymous with "church-goer." Whereas most Christians would assume that having a relationship with God would assume friendship, God's been speaking to me about different kinds of relationships. Relationship refers to the connection between two people (or things) so in one sense everyone has some relationship with God. That doesn't mean they are close to God or that they are even on his team, but there is some relationship there.
There are two different kinds of relationships: acquaintance and friend. An acquaintance is someone who knows of or is familiar with someone but has no personal connection to the other person. Here is where I would put "church-goers" and even enemies of God. Even those who spend their energy proving God doesn't exist or advocating against him have some knowledge of him and therefore an relationship or connection to him.
Then, there are friends. (Here's the part that just was a lightbulb moment for me. I love when God does that!) There are two kinds of friends (naturally and spiritually). First, friends of convenience. These are people you wouldn't naturally be friends with but due to a circumstance that brings you together, you become friends. This is where I would put coworkers, classmates, club members like PTA moms and similar friends. Generally, you hang out with these people at the designated time but don't see them apart from that. When the circumstance that brought you together ends, the friendship is over or at least your normal communication or "hang out" time ends. These are also people you consider your friends when it benefits you. Like if you need help with something you know they can help with. These relationships are selfish at best. You aren't enemies, but for sure, you haven't really invested in these relationships but have learned to work with people because that is what was required for the time.
The other type of friendship is friends of intention. This is the relationship that you invest in. That you pursue. That are at the forefront of your minds and are your priority. The friendships that require your total sacrifice and you receive the same in return from the other party.
So when you look at your relationship with God, is it an acquaintance, a friendship of convenience, or a friendship of intention? There is a big difference. Are you pursuing God the way he wants to be pursued or do you just go to him when you need something from him? Are you intentional to spend time with him or only when you have excess time that day? Is he your main thing or your spare tire?
We are studying the book of James in Sunday School (Chapter 4 tomorrow) and there is a passage that starts our talking about how we don't have things because we don't ask God. I would quickly identify this as a friendship of convenience, but here's the thing. God asks us to come to him, to ask for help, even if we view him as our 9-1-1 operator or for selfish reasons. Why? Because many times that is where he can begin to call us deeper. If we have no relationship with God at all, yes he can draw us, but if we are in a place where we need God, so we come to him out of necessity, He has us where we are in listening mode. And there he can start to prove his love to us. I say all that to say, don't be ashamed if God is your friend of convenience right now. At least he's your friend and not just an acquaintance. Yes, as we spend more time with God, he can become so much more to us, but we all have to start somewhere.
Intimate relationship with God is a never ending cycle of pursuit, repentance, and change. As we pursue God and closeness with God, he shows us our messes. We repent because we know that is the only way to continue our journey forward and he requires us to change. Once we've taken that step by faith, he call us to pursue him again. Although it feels like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, the net affect is forward progress.
So don't be discouraged if pursuing intentional friendship and closeness with God doesn't happen like you wished or as quickly as you'd like. As long as your pursuing, that's forward growth. Closer to His Heart. And the changing he's doing in you is worth it.
As a Christian, one of the most important things to us should be our relationship with God. Christian means "Christlike" and is not synonymous with "church-goer." Whereas most Christians would assume that having a relationship with God would assume friendship, God's been speaking to me about different kinds of relationships. Relationship refers to the connection between two people (or things) so in one sense everyone has some relationship with God. That doesn't mean they are close to God or that they are even on his team, but there is some relationship there.
There are two different kinds of relationships: acquaintance and friend. An acquaintance is someone who knows of or is familiar with someone but has no personal connection to the other person. Here is where I would put "church-goers" and even enemies of God. Even those who spend their energy proving God doesn't exist or advocating against him have some knowledge of him and therefore an relationship or connection to him.
Then, there are friends. (Here's the part that just was a lightbulb moment for me. I love when God does that!) There are two kinds of friends (naturally and spiritually). First, friends of convenience. These are people you wouldn't naturally be friends with but due to a circumstance that brings you together, you become friends. This is where I would put coworkers, classmates, club members like PTA moms and similar friends. Generally, you hang out with these people at the designated time but don't see them apart from that. When the circumstance that brought you together ends, the friendship is over or at least your normal communication or "hang out" time ends. These are also people you consider your friends when it benefits you. Like if you need help with something you know they can help with. These relationships are selfish at best. You aren't enemies, but for sure, you haven't really invested in these relationships but have learned to work with people because that is what was required for the time.
The other type of friendship is friends of intention. This is the relationship that you invest in. That you pursue. That are at the forefront of your minds and are your priority. The friendships that require your total sacrifice and you receive the same in return from the other party.
So when you look at your relationship with God, is it an acquaintance, a friendship of convenience, or a friendship of intention? There is a big difference. Are you pursuing God the way he wants to be pursued or do you just go to him when you need something from him? Are you intentional to spend time with him or only when you have excess time that day? Is he your main thing or your spare tire?
We are studying the book of James in Sunday School (Chapter 4 tomorrow) and there is a passage that starts our talking about how we don't have things because we don't ask God. I would quickly identify this as a friendship of convenience, but here's the thing. God asks us to come to him, to ask for help, even if we view him as our 9-1-1 operator or for selfish reasons. Why? Because many times that is where he can begin to call us deeper. If we have no relationship with God at all, yes he can draw us, but if we are in a place where we need God, so we come to him out of necessity, He has us where we are in listening mode. And there he can start to prove his love to us. I say all that to say, don't be ashamed if God is your friend of convenience right now. At least he's your friend and not just an acquaintance. Yes, as we spend more time with God, he can become so much more to us, but we all have to start somewhere.
Intimate relationship with God is a never ending cycle of pursuit, repentance, and change. As we pursue God and closeness with God, he shows us our messes. We repent because we know that is the only way to continue our journey forward and he requires us to change. Once we've taken that step by faith, he call us to pursue him again. Although it feels like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, the net affect is forward progress.
So don't be discouraged if pursuing intentional friendship and closeness with God doesn't happen like you wished or as quickly as you'd like. As long as your pursuing, that's forward growth. Closer to His Heart. And the changing he's doing in you is worth it.
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Loving Through Disappointment
As much as I try to be chill, I would be lying if I said that I didn't place unrealistic expectations on everyone, including myself. I am perpetually setting myself up to be disappointed. I am not naturally a hugger or touchy feely kind of person so showing love when I am disappointed is really hard for me. Really hard.
I tend to focus on where my expectations were not met rather than the good that is being done. So I'm constantly asking God to help me love better, knowing that I will be disappointed. Somehow, even knowing that disappointment is a given, I constantly expect that when I'm able to love better (or maybe show love better is more accurate) that people will suddenly want to meet my expectations so they will change. The truth of the matter is that as I grow in showing love, even when I'm disappointed, God changes me and not them.
As I learn to be a better parent, to love better, I am constantly understanding in a new way how God must feel about me. I'm sure I've disappointed him a lot and yet he keeps pouring out love on me, keeps challenging me, keeps pushing me toward his greater purpose and plans. So I strive to love like he does and not give up like he doesn't give up on me, even if I disappoint him.
I tend to focus on where my expectations were not met rather than the good that is being done. So I'm constantly asking God to help me love better, knowing that I will be disappointed. Somehow, even knowing that disappointment is a given, I constantly expect that when I'm able to love better (or maybe show love better is more accurate) that people will suddenly want to meet my expectations so they will change. The truth of the matter is that as I grow in showing love, even when I'm disappointed, God changes me and not them.
As I learn to be a better parent, to love better, I am constantly understanding in a new way how God must feel about me. I'm sure I've disappointed him a lot and yet he keeps pouring out love on me, keeps challenging me, keeps pushing me toward his greater purpose and plans. So I strive to love like he does and not give up like he doesn't give up on me, even if I disappoint him.
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Sidetracked
Ever been distracted? Sidetracked? We live in such a busy world, especially for mom's who are trying to manage each kids wants/needs, with a job, and husband.
And for me, on top of that, I have God speaking. Now, I am not at all saying that is a bad thing but I have no fewer than 5 things God is stirring in me regarding ministry. Honestly I have so much going on spiritually, mentally, emotionally, it's hard to know where to even start to take steps to move forward and which thing I should focus on and which to ignore until later. So I pray God will give direction and help me keep the main thing the main thing and not waste time on distractors. That he'll help me know where to focus and what order to pursue the things he's laid before me.
Because you know (or you should know) if the devil can't stop you cold from moving forward his next step is to distract you. And not always with bad things, with good things too. Cause a God thing at the wrong time is a good thing that could've been AMAZING if we just would wait for His timing.
God, helps us to hear you clearly, to following you intentionally, to move with you as you move!!
And for me, on top of that, I have God speaking. Now, I am not at all saying that is a bad thing but I have no fewer than 5 things God is stirring in me regarding ministry. Honestly I have so much going on spiritually, mentally, emotionally, it's hard to know where to even start to take steps to move forward and which thing I should focus on and which to ignore until later. So I pray God will give direction and help me keep the main thing the main thing and not waste time on distractors. That he'll help me know where to focus and what order to pursue the things he's laid before me.
Because you know (or you should know) if the devil can't stop you cold from moving forward his next step is to distract you. And not always with bad things, with good things too. Cause a God thing at the wrong time is a good thing that could've been AMAZING if we just would wait for His timing.
Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil. Proverbs 4:25-27I know God is moving NOW and I don't want to be wasting time with sidetrackers or distractions. So I'm carefully listening and moving (at what seems a snail's pace) as I'm getting a little direction one day at a time.
God, helps us to hear you clearly, to following you intentionally, to move with you as you move!!
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Prepare to be Pushed
Today I texted a friend and told them "Can you please tell God I'm busy? He doesn't seem to be listening to me." I was being silly, of course, but I am just amazed how much God pushes us when we feel like we can't be pushed any more.
Lately I've been praying for direction, open doors and next steps. That I would listen enough to hear God when he speaks/leads and be obedient. There are a few different areas where God is leading me (and I'm not free to share yet) but the how and when is MIA. So I just keep praying and waiting and preparing myself as best as I know how and according to what God has showed me. Waiting for the timing. I know His is perfect so I wait. Cause doing the right thing (the God led thing) at the wrong time is still the wrong thing just like doing the wrong thing at the right time (God's time) is the wrong thing.
So the majority of the church renovation is done. We had our dedication service last week. That is just the first step, first part of Vision 2020. About 6 months ago our pastor laid out a vision for our church: 200 people by the year 2020. Step one: get the facilities ready to handle to growth. Check. So what's next? Well next is where we become light, where we put ourselves out there. Invite people. Invest in people. Pursue people like God does. Love people. And God starts pushing us past what we think we are capable of. If our action is kept in the realm of what is natural and comfortable for us, God doesn't have to show up and we don't have to depend on him. So he pushes us. And pushes us. And pushes us. Until we walk the way he is leading (For some of us, he has to push more than others. Guilty!)
Just yesterday someone brought me an idea and I immediately dismissed it as stupid and really undesirable or pointless. By the time I woke up this morning God had filled out the details for that exact idea and I was actually excited and ready to go with it. I was shocked how quickly He changed my position from opposition to a facilitator. And I didn't even feel like I was being pursuaded. I don't really know how He did it.
And if God is moving and speaking to anyone else like he is to me, let me just warn you all to be ready to be pushed. In directions you couldn't anticipate. With purpose that was totally understated and unseen. All for his kingdom.
And if you are unwilling to be pushed past your limits, you'd better get out of the way. Because "Who can stop the Lord almight?" You can get on his team, or move over. Either get on board with his plans or watch his plans go forward without you. It's your choice, so make the right one.
Lately I've been praying for direction, open doors and next steps. That I would listen enough to hear God when he speaks/leads and be obedient. There are a few different areas where God is leading me (and I'm not free to share yet) but the how and when is MIA. So I just keep praying and waiting and preparing myself as best as I know how and according to what God has showed me. Waiting for the timing. I know His is perfect so I wait. Cause doing the right thing (the God led thing) at the wrong time is still the wrong thing just like doing the wrong thing at the right time (God's time) is the wrong thing.
So the majority of the church renovation is done. We had our dedication service last week. That is just the first step, first part of Vision 2020. About 6 months ago our pastor laid out a vision for our church: 200 people by the year 2020. Step one: get the facilities ready to handle to growth. Check. So what's next? Well next is where we become light, where we put ourselves out there. Invite people. Invest in people. Pursue people like God does. Love people. And God starts pushing us past what we think we are capable of. If our action is kept in the realm of what is natural and comfortable for us, God doesn't have to show up and we don't have to depend on him. So he pushes us. And pushes us. And pushes us. Until we walk the way he is leading (For some of us, he has to push more than others. Guilty!)
Just yesterday someone brought me an idea and I immediately dismissed it as stupid and really undesirable or pointless. By the time I woke up this morning God had filled out the details for that exact idea and I was actually excited and ready to go with it. I was shocked how quickly He changed my position from opposition to a facilitator. And I didn't even feel like I was being pursuaded. I don't really know how He did it.
And if God is moving and speaking to anyone else like he is to me, let me just warn you all to be ready to be pushed. In directions you couldn't anticipate. With purpose that was totally understated and unseen. All for his kingdom.
And if you are unwilling to be pushed past your limits, you'd better get out of the way. Because "Who can stop the Lord almight?" You can get on his team, or move over. Either get on board with his plans or watch his plans go forward without you. It's your choice, so make the right one.
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