Experiences

We got a call today from Mala. She is the regional adoption coordinator at our adoption agency. (Breathe. It's not what you think.) So we are going to be giving some respite care for a foster parent in the area in a couple of weekends. We are going to be watching a 4 year old boy over the weekend so the foster mom can get a break. I think we met him before when his foster mother spoke at one of our adoption classes in the fall. We both thought he was the cutest little boy and I wanted to play with him then, so I'm kinda excited. And here is where I start freaking out. This is when I realize my house is so not ready for a 4 year old boy and I don't have a clue how to handle him. Mala says it'll be a good experience for us and I have to agree with her. Part of me says, "you thought you were going to adopt siblings and you can't handle the thought of one little boy." Somehow it's different mentally, emotionally when the goal is watching a little boy for a weekend as opposed to the potential to adopt a kid. Yeah, I don't have a clue what I am asking for or what I am getting myself into, but God does. The adoption front has been quiet for a month or so, and that's okay. Mala actually asked if I thought she forgot about us. If you remember, when this whole adoption process started B.J. and I agreed that we would make ourselves available and God would bring us kids if this was his will. And if not, the kids wouldn't come and the doors wouldn't open. We are still holding on to that and the possibility that God just wanted us to be willing. He does things for reasons beyond our understanding. And sometimes he is seeing how much we trust him and how much we rely on him over what is normal and comfortable for us. So here come the new experiences and here comes God's hand, providing and helping us when we feel we are in way over our heads.

Figuring Out God

In life, we learn how to read people. We know their methods and basically we are creatures of habit. We sit in the same place at church, order the same food at each restaurant, and sit in the same place at the dinner table. So we think we can figure God out the same way. Yes, his motive is always love, and yes God does not change, but our little human minds cannot fully understand him. He is GOD, not man. This week I was reading in the Bible where God did the same thing different ways. There are a lot of examples of this, but one is when God told Moses to strike the rock once and speak to the rock another time and water would flow out of it. We think if God did it one way in the Bible he should do it that way for us, so we expect that and we try and force that to happen. Like Moses did, doing what is normal or what worked before and not listening to what he is saying. And God is just sitting by, trying to teach us to listen and obey him and not do what we are comfortable with or what has worked before. God isn't teaching us to remember what he did before and replicate it, but to seek him, listen, and obey his specific direction for the situation at hand. So just when we think we have God figured out, we realize he may or may not do things today the way he did them yesterday. Because he is GOD and I am not. No, God is not changing his mind. See, it was in his plan to do things that don't make natural sense so we wouldn't trust what is natural or common , but trust him. It is so much easier to follow the patterns we've always followed, but he is telling us, he is in control and his plan for us is just to listen and obey. Stop comparing how God moved then to now, because God is the one calling the shots and not us.

Hold Me Jesus

Surrender

I hate losing, like really hate it. I am very competitive at things I can win. Now, I am not like a little kid who throws a fit when they don't win, but I am generally not satisfied unless I can win. And if I can't win I find a way to train or work at something until I can win. So surrender sounds to me like I am giving up, like I have been unable to conquer something and that doesn't sit well with my natural tendencies to win and achieve anything I set my mind to. But God is asking for surrender. And not just the tough stuff that we are struggling with. It is easier to give God the stuff that we are uncomfortable with and the struggles. But he also wants to us to give him the things we think we have under control. The things we want. The desires of our heart. The things we've prayed for and seen God bring to us. Like Abraham and Isaac. Abraham waited and trusted God for a son and when God provided, as he always does, God asked for Abraham to surrender his son. I can imagine praying and waiting for something (I am there right now, actually) and then God fulfills his word and provides that thing. You are elated and excited to see the dream come true and if you aren't careful you let go of God and hold onto that thing. Because it has been your hope for so long. Because you finally have satisfaction. And God asks you to surrender that too. You feel betrayed. Like God has provided just to take it back. It's not fair. But you realize that your true victory, your true freedom, is in surrendering it ALL to God and letting him have his way and lead you according to his will. If you'll remember, God didn't take Isaac from Abraham, but was testing to see if he was devoted to God or his promised child. God is asking for surrender of all and trust in him and his ways. Because God knows more and his ways are always better. Yes, he provides, but we have to keep our eyes on God and not fall in love with his provision.

All to Jesus I surrender. All to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him. In his presence daily live.

I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee my blessed savior. I surrender all.

The Devil Don't Drive A Big Bubba Truck

Disclaimer: I know this isn't good grammar, but for a moment you grammar crazy individuals will just have to deal with me while I explain myself. Disclaimer: If you happen to own a Big Bubba Truck, I am not trying to offend you in anyway. It is your choice, so whatever floats your boat... My neighbor has a Big Bubba Truck. You know, one of those big trucks owned by men who want the entire neighborhood to know when they are coming and going. They buy extra doo-hickies to make their trucks louder and more manly sounding. So I know exactly when Tony comes and goes and when he is going fishing because I hear him backing up and going forward however many times it takes until the boat trailer is hooked up to his satisfaction. There is no way he could ever sneak up on anyone without them knowing. Ever. (Lucky for me, I'm a hard sleeper and don't wake easily so I only notice him when I'm awake.) I think sometimes we think the devil is going to appear like that big loud truck, revving his engine, just to let us know he's decided to tempt us or declare war. Nope, the devil drives a nice quiet Hybrid that has a push button start and you can't hear coming. He's stealth like that. That doesn't mean he isn't coming, but just that you'd better be ready when he attacks because he isn't giving you any warning so you can get prepared. Most of the time I think he wins because we don't live prepared for his attack and we don't even realize we have been declared war on until after we have lost. So be aware cause the devil don't drive a Big Bubba Truck. That would be way too easy.

I love lists...

especially when you get to check them off. Honestly, sometimes I make lists of things to accomplish after they are done, just so I can mark them off and visually see what I've been able to complete. We do this at work too, since we are cool like that. Ha! Today has been a very productive day and I feel fabulous about it. The past couple of weeks have been trying, but I have survived and I was able to celebrate by having a productive day. On my day off I was up at 7 (not on purpose, trust me. I love my sleep even more than being productive. Sometimes.) and had showered, been to the grocery store and bank and back home by 9:30. I had great plans to go to Cardio Dance at the gym at 11, so I ate an egg sandwich and got all ready to head out, only to discover that Charlotte wasn't teaching today, so I nixed that. Then off to get my shopping done. Ulta, New York and Company, and JC Penney. Home by 1. My list is completed and I still have half of the day left. Don't be deceived and think that I am completely out of things to do. If you know me, you know that simply will never happen, by choice. So, now I'm on to the normal things I do on a typical Saturday - mainly getting ready for church tomorrow and all that involves. And dishes and laundry. Is it just me, or do these just seem to never end? Relative to some of you, I know that we have fewer dishes and laundry since there are just two of us. What's the point of making the bed or doing the dishes or laundry? I mean they are just going to get dirty again, right? And yet, because I like a made bed and I need clean clothes to wear and dishes to eat on, and I know they won't clean themselves, off to dishes and laundry I go.

Adopting God's Kids

So I know that some of you keep up with our adoption process via this blog, so I thought I'd give a little update. Actually, nothing new has happened since the last update that is even blog-worthy. We keep getting information and kids and submitting our home-study but are yet to hear anything back from anyone. We have "put our application in" for lack of better terms 4 times. Sometimes you hear something, sometimes you don't, so we are just here waiting. Sometimes we forget that God is concerned with the details, so I remind myself that he is working the timing out for our adoption perfectly with our schedules (which can be a little much at times). See, his will is not just that we adopt, but that we adopt the kids he picked for us before the creation of the world at the perfect time he planned before we even existed. I love planning, so I can appreciate that God is working out all the little details so everything is perfectly according to his divine plan. I haven't had time to really think about the waiting, so time is just flying for me. I just finished (well, almost finished) our crazy month of year end payroll deadlines. And before that was the holidays. So, we are definitely staying busy for the most part. Starting in January, I am no longer helping with children's church, but I have taken over coordinating our Wednesday night girls groups at church called Missionettes. I've had a lot of help this month (thanks, LeAnn!) but things seem to be going smoothly for that. Everything is pretty much been planned out the same as prior years, so its not like starting from nothing and creating a system. Most things are already in place and I am just carrying it through and making sure it all gets done and organized. I've been slowly but surely going through things in our house and getting them ready for a yard sale we are having at the church in April. I figure whatever I can get rid of now I won't have to later, and adding kids and their things to my house will be easier and not seem so unmanageable. Getting rid of stuff we don't need or use feels so good. You should try it sometime, really! We did buy a new kitchen table and chairs/bench over the holidays that seats 6 or 7 for our family, so we can accommodate our kids for meals together in the kitchen. At this point we can't really buy anything else because the furniture we need is very dependent on what age kids we get. It could be a crib or it could be twin beds, so we are just waiting to see before we go spending unnecessary money. I secretly think I have been driving to lunch at work because they know that as soon as we get our kids, there won't be room in my car. Shannon, my coworker, told me to buy car seats and put them in my car so I could get out of that already. Ha! Life as we know it will definitely change when that time comes. On a totally separate note, I have problems blogging about things sometimes because I know that one of the girls in my Sunday School class reads this pretty regularly. Often when God shows me something, it becomes the subject of my Sunday School lesson, so I try and wait until after class to blog about it, but after the lesson is shared, the urgency to share is gone, and I feel like I'm being redundant. Does that even make sense? All of that to say, when there is a real adoption update, trust me that it'll be posted here. But for now, we are praying and submitting and waiting for God's will, whatever that is. So if you want to, pray for God's will for us in this whole adoption journey. We know that God is faithful, always!