The Kiddos are Coming

Tomorrow morning the kids will arrive on a flight to visit us for about 24 hours. This will be the first time they've gotten to see their new home so I am excited! I feel like this is a big step in the right direction.

Tonight I finished putting the girls' room together. We just got the second girls bed Wednesday so tonight, I put it together and redid all the bedding. If you'll remember here, I had the girl's bedding bought and the room ready to go. At that point, we set the rooms up for one boy and one girl. Well, God has given us two girls and that means I had to get another bed. And because nothing can go smoothly, when I went to purchase the same bedding so that the two would match, it was nowhere to be found. I originally bought the bedding at Walmart and didn't even anticipate I'd run into that problem. I contemplated getting a second set of bedding that would go but not necessarily be the same, but honestly, I was scared it wouldn't really go, so I bit the bullet and bought two new quilt sets, bed skirts and sheets. No, they aren't exact, but the colors are really good together and all go with the yellow walls in the bedroom. And I would really rather have quilts than comforters anyways. The room is far from done as I want the girls to help me pick out some personal things to put on the walls since it will be their room after all. Now for your viewing pleasure...

This weekend's visit isn't going to be exactly as I expected, but I'm sure we will make do. I just have to decide to have a good attitude even though I'm a little disappointed. We will be meeting them (the kids and their worker) at the airport tomorrow because we have booster seats and she doesn't. From there somehow she will get to her rental car and follow us to our house. I'm not sure how long she will stay or what she will be doing until they head back to the airport at noon on Sunday. At 1 we have one of the workers from our agency coming for an unofficial visit to meet the kids. After that, BJ is planning to take D fishing and I'll take the girls shopping for some stuff for their rooms and ice cream. K asked for ice cream a lot on the last visit. I'd guess it is one of her favorite snacks. Sunday we have church, so I bought the kids new clothes as promised. I hope everything fits alright. We may do a fashion show of sorts after they get here tomorrow so if we need to make any adjustments or returns, we'll have some time to do so. We'll be leaving directly from church to meet Erisha with the kids so they can return to the airport. Since we are the only ones with booster seats, we may be taking them to the airport and meeting her there.

We hear the kids are as excited to see us as we are them. We sent them letters this week along with pictures from the first weekend to remind them about that visit. I know I always loved getting mail as a child, and actually still do, so I hope it at least brought a smile to their faces. I was supposed to call them Tuesday, but before I realized it, it was past their bedtime. I felt kinda bad, but hopefully they will understand. It is a crazy time for us too!

We are anticipating getting a call from the state to finalize some paperwork this week. After this happens, they will move forward with placement. That means that next weekend we could be going down to Houston to pick up the kids and their stuff for good. SOOOO EXCITING!! I was beginning to doubt if we'd ever get here. Funny story - Word has gotten out at BJ's work that we are adopting and s0 everyone is congratulating BJ. This week someone said "Congrats on your three new kids and the one to arrive next year." Yeah, we hear at least once a week, "you know you're gonna get pregnant now" and we are fully aware that a lot of times things happen that way. Let just say God has a sense of humor. And if we do get pregnant now, we are okay with that. Whatever God wants. Whenever God wants it. But for now, we are looking forward to enjoying the three kids He's given us.

Overwhelmed

I feel like I've answered the question "How was your weekend with the kids?" a million times, so I'm sure you all want to know as well. You aren't going to like my answer, but it was good. There really aren't any specifics that I'd like to share except to say that things are still going well with us and the kids. I know that everyone wants every detail, but for now the fact that things are moving closer to adoptive placement should be enough to keep you happy. I've been in a little of a funk since we came home Saturday night. I think its a combination of feeling overwhelmed and being exhausted of this process. I feel like everyone wants some important piece of information from me, but I really don't have anything to offer at this point. The process is slow for a reason. And I'm used to that, but sometimes feel like my answers to everyone's questions are not sufficient to satisfy their curiosity. So I'm sorry that I haven't been the most expressive or informative to fill your inquiring minds. We have only been with our kids two weekends for a total of about 24 hours including sleeping time, so we don't know everything about them. I haven't thought it was important to sit them in the corner and drill them on all their favorites, so I don't know. I know you are all just asking to show you care, but if you can just be patient and give me time to process and figure out this transition for us and the kids, it will ease my stress a little. :) Yes, I am in a place of overthinking everything and trying to be the best parent I can for these kids. But unlike conventional parents, I don't get the luxury of starting with one child who doesn't talk or have an opinion. I get three, who definitely have opinions, and I have to get to know. I know this is my choice and I know this is where God wants us (I feel like a broken record I've said that so much) but this is my blog and I am venting. I have never been a parent before and I don't have a clue what I am doing. And I am feeling overwhelmed. It comes and goes in spurts, but please be patient with me for the next few weeks before the placement happens (and I'll probably need some grace from you after they move in as well.) So as of right now, the kids are coming here on Saturday morning and leaving Sunday afternoon. They are flying up with a worker who will drop them off at our house and pick them up to take them home. Between now and then I have to get a third bed (it's being delivered tomorrow), get the bed put together, get the bedding situated, and buy the kids new clothes for Sunday (as I promised them I would). Lucky for me, they aren't coming Friday night. That just may push me over the edge. Oh yeah and I need to get prepared for Sunday. I don't know when they are going home, but just in case, I need to buy them some quiet things to do during the second service so they don't get bored. Also, I am praying now that they will be okay going to their Sunday School classes and children's church Sunday morning. I know they will enjoy it more than being with us, but I am not sure if K (the youngest) will leave my side. I think Sundays are going to be the biggest adjustment for all of us. We are waiting on some paperwork to come through from the state and then they will plan the placement. We still don't know when that is and when we do, we'll tell you. Promise! I am sooooo in over my head, so I am just praying for some grace to make it through the transition and the next couple of weeks.

If the shirt fits, put it on.

This past weekend was wonderful! It was so great to finally meet our kids and get over that initial awkwardness of the first meeting. We went down to Houston on Friday and met the kids first thing Saturday morning. We played with them at their house for a few hours where B.J. sufficiently got beat at Super Smash Bros and I put together Lego race cars, dressed Polly Pocket, and did a puzzle. We left from there to walk to the park. The foster dad came with because K was hesitant to go with us. He held her hand on the way and by the time we got there, she felt comfortable enough to play sidewalk chalk with me and H. D played Frisbee with BJ for a little while as did H. From there we went to McDs where they proceeded to scarf down their Happy Meals in 5 minutes tops. We are obviously not going to have the same eating issues with had with the other two siblings we watched before. After lunch, we left them for the evening and picked them back up on Sunday for breakfast at Cracker Barrel. In my mind, this was going to be the true test. Would they want to come with us again or would we be dealing with tears and clinging to the foster parents? See, our kids have lived with the same foster parents for 2 years and are very bonded to them. But praise God, breakfast went off without a hitch and they were excited to see us again. On the way there, there was a tickle war going on in the back seat and it was great to hear them laugh. H loves to talk and she is one funny kid. I could tell she was trying to connect with us and test us to see what our response to her would be. BJ talked to D more than I did and he is looking forward to a fishing trip, so BJ will have to plan one for the weekend they are up here with us. K was more shy than the other two, but she held my hand the whole time and was happy to sit in my lap while I played checkers with H. So overall, the weekend was great and easy. It was what I would picture a normal day with three kids would be like. Granted I know that they were on their best behavior, as this is a time of uncertainty for them too, and I know that it won't always be this easy. But it was nice to not feel overwhelmed from the first meeting with them. This coming up weekend we are going down again and this time, we get to have a sleepover at the hotel with the kids. H is really looking forward to it. (I am sure the other kids are too. She is just the most outspoken of the bunch and doesn't hide her feelings much.) She wanted to come with us last weekend, so I'm sure she'll enjoy more time with us. She loves sleepovers, she said, so I hope we don't disappoint her. We are excited to spend more time with our kids. And they are definitely our kids. We all have light brown/blonde hair and blue eyes. And according to H, her and I have the same face. :) And I think about the people who have to match kids with parents and realize they are really good at their jobs, at least for us they were. The kids were able to look at our photo book before they met us and I'm pretty sure H memorized it. They were asking us about our parents and my sister. And playing the piano. And fishing. And other things from that book. I love that they want to know us as much as we want to know them. Love it. They just fit with us. They are ours. H said jokingly that she thinks her real mom stole them from us and we are just now getting them back. Because they are supposed to be our kids. Because God really knows what he is doing. It hasn't hit me yet. The fact that I am seeing God's word fulfilled. The fact that He is giving me the desires of my heart. The fact that I am going to be Mommy to three kids in less than a month. I am sure at some point I will have this emotional release (i.e. become a blubbering mess) of all the tension I have lived under for the past three years and will realize and feel how good God is. Today I was asked if I am trying not to bond with the kids too fast. And I think maybe I am. Not intentionally, but subconsciously. Last time I bonded with kids, and thought they might be mine, I lost them and I'm sure a part of myself is in protection mode. Please pray that God will help me to "love like I've never been hurt." Because I've seen them and know they need me to. And I need to for my own good. Many of the people reading this asked for the kid's sizes and such when we get them. I promised I would post those when I got them. I am by no way asking for you to buy the kids things. We can handle it. But I also know that sometimes God speaks to others to be a blessing. Ok, I'm really not good at this, so here are the kids sizes if you want to bless them and us. H (girl) - Size 7 clothes, Size 13.5 shoe D (boy) - Size 6 clothes, Size 12.5 shoe K (girl) - Size 4 clothes, Size 8 shoe Speaking of fit, the title of this post is from this year's Christmas play. One of the characters says things wrong all the time and this is one of her lines. Just seemed fitting (there I am being punny and B.J. is rolling his eyes at me) since play practice started up in the beginning of this month. So the shirt fits and we are putting it on FOREVER.

Closer

The meeting went swimmingly (I've always wanted to say that) and we have a tentative schedule of visits and such between now and placement. September 16-18 Visit with the kids in Houston September 23-25 Visit with the kids in Houston September 30 -October 2 Weekend with the kids at our house October 7-9 possible visit if needed Week of October 10 placement It's crazy to think that in less than a month we will have three kids. THREE!! Thank you, God!! A little overwhelming but it is nice to have dates and some finality to this long waiting game. I am trying to not freak out too much but just take this last little bit one step at at time. And not get so involved that I forget this is what we've prayed for, hoped for, and waited for so long. We are so grateful that God has brought us to this place and we are finally getting the desires of our hearts. So excited! Between now and the weekend we have some paper work to fill out and a call to make to the foster parents to work out some logistics. We are thinking right now we will go down on Friday night and just hang out for a bit at the foster parents house'. Then on Saturday we are thinking about driving through somewhere and go have a picnic at a park and spend some time with the kids. Nothing big or extravagant, but just an opportunity to get to know our kids. We are quite anxious to get the first meeting over so that we can breathe a little easier and know this is all going to be okay. I know it, in my head, but there are definitely a lot of butterflies in my stomach for the moment. It'll be nice to see their first reaction to us, no matter how bad or good it is. Then we can know what we are dealing with for future visits. We are getting so close to being parents. Closer each day.

Anticipation...

is killing me. It's like Christmas Eve, the night before the first day of school, the night before you leave for vacation, the hour before a big test. All wrapped up in one.

Tomorrow morning at 10am we will have our presentation staffing. This will be a conference call with us, Mala, the kids' caseworker, and the kids' foster parents. As far as I know, they will give us a brief intro about the kids and let us ask any questions we may have. And I've started a list. My fellow list-makers are not at all surprised by this. Mostly the questions running through my head are logistics questions and don't have much to do with the kids. I know we haven't met the kids, but I feel like I know more about these kids than some parents know about their biological children. One thousand, one hundred, fifteen pages of information, remember? No, I don't have it memorized but I feel like I know all I need to know, except for a few logistic things. My mind is always going. Always. Figuring it out. Planning. Trying to imagine what it'll be like. Because I don't do surprises well. So I am as mentally prepared as I can be, I think.

At the meeting, if things go well, we will tentatively make a schedule for three pre-placement visits with us and the kids and the date of placement. 24 hours after the meeting, we will officially make a decision to pursue this adoption. I am not sure the 24 hours is necessary since God has practically spoken audibly to me, to us, about these kids. But it is procedure. Then we will move forward with the visit schedule. One step closer.

Psalm 103:17 But the mercy of the Lord is eternal for his worshippers, and their children's children will see his righteousness.

When reading through the kids files, there was one thing that stood above all the others. There is mention of a great grandmother that was "very religious." Now, I don't know her, obviously, but I wonder if she prayed for these kids. If her love for God is the reason they are coming to a Christian family. The reason they were rescued from a bad situation. If she loved God and left a heritage for the generations that would come after her. The thought makes me so grateful to her. For the decisions she made to serve God and thus bring God's righteousness and his love to her great-grandchildren. And allow God to use her to bring the kids to us. I firmly believe that God honors his word and the way we choose to live will affect our future generations. And just maybe that is why God has brought us all to this place in time. As a way for God to honor his promises. Oh, God is so good! Gives me goosebumps!

Ready or Not, Here We Come

We got the kids files last Wednesday night and I was up until 1:30 in the morning reading them.  Because I couldn't put it down.  Because I knew I was leaving for Chicago Friday morning.  Because I wanted to. So I left for Chicago with a pretty good feeling as to what I wanted to do regarding the kids.  The plan was that BJ would finish the files over the weekend and we would discuss when I returned.

While in Chicago, God spoke very clearly to me as to where he was leading us.  Sunday morning at church, the sermon was about James 1:19-27. The pastor talked about how we all live so comfortably and God says that pure religion is getting out of our comfort zone and helping others. (verse 27) At the close of the sermon, he showed a video of all these orphans in other countries who need someone to do something.  It reminded me of those Feed the Children commercials. Granted, it was kind of a ploy to get emotions worked up, which I really hate, but God used that moment to remind me that he is giving these kids to us.  No, it won't always be easy, and yes it does require me getting out of my organized, planned, comfortable self to make an impact, but they are a gift from him, an opportunity to get past myself. So I stood there with tears running down my face, receiving confirmation once again that we are right where we need to be.

My "discussion" about the kids with BJ was less emotional and dramatic, as can be expected.  He basically said he didn't see anything in the file that would deter us from them.  So it was settled.

I e-mailed Mala and she is in the process of setting up our presentation staffing with the kids' foster parents and case worker so we can ask any questions we have and hear first hand about the kids.  At that meeting, if everything goes well, we will also schedule our three pre-placement visits before they move in with us.

So I am ready. And scared. And excited. And anxious. But mostly ready for life to change for us. For them. Yes, there is still a lot of unknown which I don't particularly care for, but I am reminded that His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in weakness. (II Corinthians 12:9)

Under Construction

B.J. ditched me.  And by that I mean he got his own blog.  That means I need to revamp my blog since it really doesn't matter what he thinks anymore so I can make it as girly as I want. With that being said, I am not very savy when it comes to all of this, so please bear with me as I play a little.  It's gonna be a mess for a few days (actually knowing me, I'd say I'll at least get it presentable tonight since I can't stand chaos very long). I do have a couple of other things to blog about, so I'm not sure if that'll happen before or after I get this the way I want it.  Also, I am trying to come up with a catchy blog name that suits me and my soon to be family of 5.  So if anyone is creative or has any ideas, please share with me so I can decide.  I like alliterations but not so much it is annoying. I also like puns, so something punny might be good.

Chicago Here I Come

Tomorrow morning I've leaving to head to my sister's for the long weekend. So here is my top 6 reasons I am ready for my vacation.

6.Chicago - I've never been up to see my sister since she moved up there. It's nice to get a mental picture of where someone lives so when you talk to them you see them in the living room or kitchen or whatever. It gives you a better understanding. I missed their first home up there all together, but it'll be nice to see where they live.
5. I will not be working. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my job most of the time. But it is always nice to get a break. I know that I haven't been working a ton of hours, but I feel like I have a perpetual deadline hanging over my head. I have got to get some things done before I spend some time with the kids when we get them.
4. I am flying by myself and I really enjoy being independent and doing things on my own. That means I get to decide everything while traveling and not consult anyone. Let me give BJ some credit before you think he is so difficult to deal with. He is not, at all. He usually doesn't have an opinion so traveling with him isn't some horrible struggle, but it's different when I get to just chill and do whatever I want.
3. I get some down time. I have a book on my kindle I have been reading for a LONG time. I am pretty sure BJ has read three books to my one. To put it in perspective, my book is a lot longer than his, but still. I'd like to get it done and move on to something else. Sometimes it is just good to be stuck in an airport or airplane with nothing else to do but relax and catch up on some reading. Not that I want to be stuck there for days, but a couple of hours will be nice.
2. Jill - My one and only sister. We are pretty close and I am excited to hear what she is up to and just hang out for a few days.
1. ERIN! I get to meet my sweet niece and I am excited! She is almost 5 weeks old and I haven't gotten to meet her. Jill told me Erin said she was looking forward to seeing me. She did, I promise. I have never been an aunt before and my cousin Martha says it is the best, so I'm looking forward to it. And there won't be a ton of people fighting over holding the baby and I'm sure Jill will be happy to give her up and get a break. Being a new mommy is hard work, right Jill?

So, Erin, Jill, and Sam, here I come. See you tomorrow!