I'd Rather Have Jesus

I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold.
I'd rather be his than have riches untold.
I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands.
I'd rather be led by his nail-pierced hand.

Than to be a king of a vast domain.
Or be held in sin's dread sway.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.

Choices. Priorities. Decisions.

I meant to blog about this hymn a week or so back, but am just now getting around to it. Its been in my head for at least a week. Kind of an oldie that I actual don't remember singing in church as a hymn, but it is a hymn none the less.

I think the topic of priorities is especially pertinent during the Christmas season. It is so tempting to get drawn into the commercialism and trying to outdo each other with gift giving and decorating and all of that.

So this hymn brings me back to what is the most important in my life. There are a lot of good things that we all choose to make important to us. But none of that compares to having Jesus. I really don't know what people who don't have Jesus in their lives do. How can you possibly find peace in the middle of tragedy? Who do you turn to when life is filled with confusion? Or who comforts you when you feel all alone?

I remember when I was in my darkest days. I don't want to harp on the same subject, but when we were trying to have kids and expand our family, I could be in a room full of people and feel so alone. I felt like no one understood me. Like no one could understand me. I knew in my head that others had gone through this same situation and yet, nothing, no one could comfort or sympathize with me.

But Jesus.

Bj, who was so supportive and loving, couldn't heal where I felt broken. And unfixable. And unwanted. And I felt like I was being punished by God. Like he was ignoring me, on purpose.

But Jesus continued to show himself to me. He continued to speak to me and love me. He continued to use me, even in my brokenness.

People who have never experienced the love of God can't begin to understand the need for God. But once you've felt his presence, had relationship with him, it becomes a necessity. Without Jesus, you aren't really living. Although choosing him may be a difficult decision, living for him is so worth it. His love, a relationship with him, cannot be replaced with anything else. He is the only friend who will never leave you, who can love you unconditionally, no matter how broken you are or how many times you've failed him.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:15

Pray For Me

As a Christian who believes in the power of prayer, I take it very seriously when someone asks me to pray for them.  This week I started praying for a friend who asked for prayer and whom I know is not serving God and has no relationship with him. So it has started me thinking.

First, it amazes me how people do not think that God is real or important enough to acknowledge in their life on a daily basis and yet when they need something or things aren't going as planned, they ask for prayer. Why? Because they really do know God is powerful enough to help them and are too selfish to surrender what they want to maintain a daily relationship with him? Because they are so desperate they will try anything to get what they want or need? Or maybe saying "pray for me" is the easiest way to get people to give you attention and feel sorry for you and whatever you are going through? Those words always solicit attention or a few thoughtful  words at least upon their initial utterance.

Which brings me to the quandary I have when I do decide to pray for someone who isn't serving God. Because of my covenant relationship with God, he has an obligation as a part of the covenant with me to respond. He has promised to be faithful to me as I am faithful to him. And he has no such obligation to the unsaved. Yes, God in his love and mercy sometimes chooses to heal or provide for someone who doesn't love him back. But he is not in a relationship that requires a reciprocated response.

So then I am unsure how to pray. God, show yourself to them. Heal them if that is your will. Use whatever you can to prove youth are real and worthy of their devotion. Use this to draw them to yourself.

But I am not naive enough to believe that even when God does miraculously heal, that the recipient of his love will then choose to give their lives to him. So it kind of puts me on a weird place. I will still pray when I am asked, but usually I just pray that whatever God wants to happen will. (And an occasional "God, get 'em" in the best way possible.)

Thanksgiving Week - Day 4 & 5

Thanksgiving was spent at my parent's house. Going over there is nice for me because I know the kids can play and not get themselves in trouble or into something they aren't supposed to, so I can chill out. The food was good as usual, but the kids were sad that their "cousins" weren't there. They live in Grand Prairie like my parents but we really only see them over the holidays. They had a lot of family in town (on the other side) so they hosted at their house for them.

Bj had to work at 3, so left kinda early. Actually by 4, the only people left were us, my sister and her family, and my parents. The girls (my mom, sister and me) played Nertz for a while in between the distractions of little kids. It was nice and we haven't actually gotten to do that for a while. We used to play games every holiday, but that changes when there are babies everyone has to attend to.

We came home about 8 and Bj was home by 10.

We had hoped to go shopping for living room furniture today, but that plan was derailed when our ceiling was leaking and we had to call a plumber. It was discovered that the tile in our shower is basically not sealed well and we were advised to not use that shower until we can get it fixed. So we are stuck using the kids bath/shower combo until then. Needless to say, their shower will be the cleanest its been since we moved here because I refuse to use their shower without it being clean. They are just kids and they don't care what shape their shower is in.  It's a little gross. It only gets cleaned when the cleaning lady comes every 4 weeks. It will be an inconvenience more than anything.

Which is why I pushed Bj to find someone to come ASAP to talk about the repairs/remodel. We aren't quite sure what we are doing besides getting our shower retiled. They are coming tomorrow morning. Depending on cost, we may do some unnecessary, but definitely nice upgrades in addition to just the bare minimums.

The plumber did also look at another area we thought was leaking slowly, and fixed it while he was here. We'll have to get some sheet rock patched and a wall repainted at some point.

Today I finished decorating the inside of the house and got the lights up on the house. I can't find some of my outside extensions/ power strips so I need to buy some replacements and our lights will be good to go.

For dinner we went to IHOP. Speaking of food, Seth has done deal well eating today. And I didn't give him his pacifier except to nap this afternoon. He ate cinnamon toast crunch cereal for breakfast, cheese and crackers for lunch, and eggs and pancakes for dinner. I think his teeth must not be hurting him as much or his stomach is growing back to normal size.

If you'll remember, Seth pretty much gave up his pacifier at about 18 months without really even a fight. One day, he just decided he didn't want it. Well in the last few weeks, he's been sick, more clingy and giving me a such a fit about eating, especially in a restaurant. So either he has asked for it more, been whiny more, or I've gotten soft and given in. Either way he thinks he has to have it often and asks for it by saying "Can I have my paci back?" Yeah, he's way too smart and talking really well for his age. But after yesterday realizing I've just been too easy, I decided not to give it to him unless he is going to sleep (and he doesn't have to have it then, but it's my compromise for now). So I had to distract and redirect a lot, but he only had it for nap today and he is sleeping without it tonight. Bj had to take him upstairs so I could decorate this morning. He was screaming for me and his paci this morning. He sounded so pitiful I was in tears decorating. But eventually he got playing and I got things done and he didn't win. Practice makes progress.

This afternoon, Bj lost his wedding ring in the front yard. We were all out front. Some were playing catch, others riding bikes/scooters and some putting up lights. Bj really has needed to get his ring sized or something since he's lost weight. He went to catch the football and the ring flew off his finger. We searched for a while and then gave up while Bj posted on Facebook asking for a metal detector. While we were eating dinner, his parents came over with their metal detector and found the ring. We were so relieved.

Tonight after the kids went to bed, Bj and I ordered Christmas cards and got pictures printed.

Even though the day didn't go as planned, and furniture shopping got put on hold until we figure out what the renovations are going to cost, the day still felt productive. I only have 3 things left on the list for the week and hope to get to teach the kids to play Clue tomorrow. I loved that game as a kid and hope they love it as well.

Only 2 days left until it is back to work...

Thanksgiving Week - Day 3

This morning, after we woke up and ate breakfast, we headed to Target to let the kids get their ornaments for the year. Last year I ordered them online, but this year j just let the pick from what Target had available which was actually a pretty good selection. Seth got a yellow tonka truck ornament, Katelynn got a pink nail polish ornament, Daniel got Captain America, and Haley got minions from Despicable Me.  We also bought a star to put on top of their tree that is silver glitter.

Then we went to Little Giggles. I love that little resale shop. I sold back some clothes while the kids watched a movie in the kids play area. They love going just for that reason and I can come find them and ask their opinion about what I've found. Today all the kids got something new to them, but I really hit the jackpot with Daniel. I found him 5 pair of jeans/pants. I never get that lucky as boy pants rarely last long enough to be resold. They are just so rough on them. For most of the time Seth was happy watching the movie and only made me carry him around a little at the end.

Then we drove through Whataburger for lunch.  We watched Monsters Inc while Haley finished hanging up her clean clothes. After that Seth fell asleep while the big kids played outside for a bit.

The highlight of the day was taking the kids to their first Dallas Mavericks game. I am actually blogging in a quiet car on the way home. They are all asleep or at least quiet. We were late getting there due to BJs job and traffic, but were rewarded with an extra quarter (overtime) and a win. It was a really good game and the kids enjoyed it for the most part.

But more than that Daniel was ecstatic seeing the Dallas skyline on the drive there. Seriously, you would have thought he didn't live in Houston for the first years of his life. Maybe he'd just never seen it at night. Looking at the lights on the buildings, he was like a kid on Christmas morning. He was beyond excited. For his birthday he just wants to come to down town Dallas and drive around. And maybe ride the elevator up Reunion Tower.

Seth spent the night at Mom Fowlers so we could take just the big kids to the game and I could actually enjoy it without trying to keep him entertained. This is the first time (except for being physically out of town) that he has spent the night away so we could do something. I really couldn't find the benefit of picking him up and trying to get him back to sleep when we are doing Thanksgiving with them all tomorrow anyways. I was glad that he went to her happily and hope he sleeps okay for her tonight. She is going to try and get him to take his nap early tomorrow before bringing him to my mom's house. Hopefully that works and he will be all smiles and fun tomorrow when we are with the family.

Tomorrow BJ has to work at 2 so we are taking separate cars to my mom's house. I'll probably get up and go early so I can hang with Jill and whoever joins me can play with their cousins longer. We are eating at 1 and I will be happy to see Seth when the in-laws bring him over. I don't know if I'll blog tomorrow or not. Depends on how my day is going.

Either way, let me close by wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your time with the people you love and be grateful for what God has blessed you with! I know I am.

Thsnksgiving Week - Day 2

I forgot to mention that Seth has been sick. He was diagnosed with an ear infection at his 2 year checkup so he has been on antibiotics for that and he's had a runny nose/cold. So needless to say he hasn't been eating very well (as in less for me than he usually does and that is saying a lot). Yesterday he ate decently which included a granola bar, fruit snacks, oatmeal and even some rotisserie chicken while I was cooking dinner (in addition to his bottles of milk. Milk is the one thing he will always take from me and since he's picky for me, and milk is a good source of nutrition for him I haven't taken away his bottles.)

So I woke up this morning about 7:30 and was about to get in the shower when I was informed by Haley that Seth had thrown up. Yep, pretty much everything he ate yesterday was in his crib, on his sheets, in his hair, you get the picture. So my nice shower was set aside and Seth got an immediate bath. He loves the bath, so it wasn't too bad, but cleaning vomit out of his hair and off of his clothes etc was not how I planned to start my day. Oh well.

I finally got my shower after taking care of Seth including getting him his medicine and morning bottle at about 9.

Mom Fowler picked all the kids up at 9:30 and took them to see Big Hero 6. Haley went back and forth on if she felt good enough to go but decided she would. She's been battling allergies with a random addition of fever last night. I warned Mom that Seth has been more clingy than usual and she said I could decide if Seth went or not. He went to her pretty easily this morning, so I let him go and I got a couple hours of a break while they enjoyed a movie.

And I chose to be lazy, kinda. I watch part of a Law and Orders SVU marathon while eating left over pizza for breakfast/lunch, blogged about yesterday, and put up my Christmas tree during the commercials. It isn't decorated, but it is up.

Daniel returned doing karate moves and said he was glad to remember his ninja side. The girls didn't say much about the movie besides that it as good.

Haley and I spent an hour or so doing math homework (because I do not want to deal with it later and she wasn't up to it over the weekend so I had some mercy.) Daniel and Katelynn played outside. They all helped Haley finish putting up her tree and then Mom Fowler showed up again to watch the kids while I took Daniel to therapy.

Today is his first session to help him with his anxiety disorder. I really hope he can build some self confidence. Praying this will be just what he needs. He said he wasn't nervous, so that's good. We went to what I thought was the office to find out they had moved. I really wish they would have told me. We were running ahead of schedule so we only got here a little late.

Tonight we are having home made chili/Frito pie for dinner. Seth fell asleep around 4:30 and is now napping on the couch.

So today didn't exactly feel like Thanksgiving week, but it was a nice day none the less.

On the agenda for tomorrow - picking out ornaments at Target (and a star or something for the top of their tree) and going to the Mavericks game with the big kids in the evening. Maybe I'll also get my tree decorated and well find some movie to watch in the afternoon.

Day 2 and still blogging strong. We'll see what the rest of the week brings.

Thanksgiving Week - Day 1

I don't spend nearly enough time chronicling the days I get to spend with my kids. This year I am off all week, so I've decided to write some about what is going on.

So yesterday we made a list of all the things we/I want to get done this week. I am sure we won't make it through all of it, but at least its a start. I tend to get at least mentally over ambitious and it ruins all the fun, so I'm trying not to do that.

Yesterday, the kids got up and I didn't even hear them until 7:45. This means they got up, went down stairs and were quiet, not arguing or bickering until then. And they didn't wake me or Seth or Haley up. It felt so good go sleep in some.

Then we decided to put their tree up in the living room. I put up the tree, they fluffed and decorated it. They did a good job, much better than last year where all the ornaments were squished together. Seth helped. At first he thought he could just put the in the tree and they would stay. By the time we were finishing he knew he needed a hook and could help me out them on. His favorite part is the button (pedal) to turn the lights off and on. The kids have done really well decorating.

I think Daniel was the most excited to get the trees up. He loves Christmas and loves having lights in his room. Later in the afternoon, after we went grocery shopping, the kids out their trees up in their room.

My fancy organized tree is the only one not up yet I'm hoping to at least get it up today. May be decorating it tomorrow.

In the afternoon we watched Home Alone, which I had recorded on TV a few days ago when I saw it was showing. The kids and I think that movie is so funny. Daniel thinks it would be fun to be so brave and face the bad guys like Kevin did. I was just glad he realized that some of the stunts prepared to hurt the bad guys weren't very safe. My kids love to laugh. So much so that they burst into laughter at the humor in a movie and we miss the next minute or so of what is going on. Often it frustrates me, but I guess we could all use a little more laughter.

For dinner, I made chicken and dumpling casserole. We really like it and it is so easy to make.

It was a great day and not once did their biological family come up. It doesn't scare me or intimidate me, but those thoughts usually leave my kids frustrated or angry. I'm just glad it was a nice day with the kids.

Thankful for the Presence

This morning God showed up in our service. Like he does often. Not that there's anything special about my church except that we want God to come and inhabit our praises and we give him room to move according to his plans.

And because God is moving so regularly it would be so easy to take him for granted. To assume that God will always show up when we are at the point of need. 

Don't get me wrong. God is faithful and often shows up when we need him, but the Bible clearly talks about seeking God while he can be found. The inference is that there is a time when he won't be found. So when God manifests his presence in a church service or otherwise, if we treasure him and find him valuable, we will enter into his presence and minister to him and allow him to minister to us. We shouldn't expect God to show up at our leisure.  When he comes he wants to touch us, and usually has a specific need he wants to meet. That opportunity may not come again. We can miss God's blessings and anointing because we assume God will always show up at our beck and call.

I don't remember a time in my life when God didn't show up at church regularly. I know that God has blessed our church in that way and I'm not bragging, but just telling you where I am coming from. So it would be very easy for me to lose the wonder, the awe, the gratefulness for his presence. To treat the King of Kings as ordinary and common. But I have made a conscious effort to not let myself be that way.

I have a good friend who has felt God's presence less often than I have because of his upbringing and the churches he has attended. And each time we've discussed what those experiences were like he has said he just can't understand how someone could feel God in that powerful way and decide not to give God his/her life or walk away unchanged. I have never known someone as grateful for God's presence as he is. Our friendship constantly reminds me how blessed we are. How good God is.

My prayer is that God will give us a hunger for more of him, an appreciation for who he is, and the desire to pursue him in greater ways than ever before.

National Adoption Day

As today is national adoption day, I thought I'd talk about how adoption has affected our lives. I think that before you decide to adopt kids or are personally involved in foster care or adoption, people have a very warm and fuzzy feeling about adoption. How wonderful to offer your home and your life to someone who needs a family!

And from my experience, adoption is an amazing thing! It is how God choose to grow my family! And I wouldn't go back for anything!

But adoption is hard! I know there are many other people who have adopted and had a much more difficult time than we have had, but we have still had obstacles to overcome. And just when I think things are going well and life will be kinda normal something happens and we are reminded again of the many things our kids have to face on an everyday basis. There are days when I wish we had them from birth so I would better understand why they feel certain ways or why they respond so harshly to some things. Or to prevent then from the things that cause hurt and anger for them.

Which brings me to Ephesians 1:4-6. The Bible tells us that we were adopted into his family. You can't choose your biological kids, and although its kind of a weird feeling, you do get to shop for your adopted kids. All that to say, God chose us because he wanted us.

There is no greater picture of what Jesus did for us than the physical adoption of kids into the family. Before we met our kids we were able to view their CPS file ( all 1100 pages of it) in order to determine if we thought we could handle whatever issues they had and help them work through them. We knew where their weaknesses were, we knew their struggles and imperfections and chose them anyways. God knows everything about us and yet chooses us to be in his family. He isn't blindly choosing us or stuck with us because we are biological family (although I love Seth and wouldn't get him back, he was added to our family somewhat blindly) but he chose us according to his pleasure. He is pleased to have us be a part of his family, his loved ones, the recipients of the inheritance he has prepared for his lineage. He desires to have us represent his family name and bear the resemblance of his character in our lives. That is powerful!

So to all of you who have been physically adopted or spiritually adopted, take today to celebrate that you are wanted and cherished and loved!

Happy National Adoption Day!

Sarah

For some reason I've been thinking about my struggles with infertility lately. If you've talked to me at all, after we were able to conceive and give birth to Seth, I determined that we were unable to conceive initially because it just wasn't God's time for us.

And if that is true, and I believe that it is, it leads me to wonder what the purpose of all the fertility treatments and such. I've looked back through the blog to see what all was documented here. I have wondered if I was pulling a Sarah. If in pursuing fertility treatments I was trying to rush God along or do things my way because I was too impatient to wait.

We did 3-4 monitored cycles with multiple medicines including a shot to induce ovulation, and 2-3 internal sonograms per month. I also had an HSG which is the test they do to determine if there is any blockage in your fallopian tubes by injecting dye into you and watching on a machine to see how the dye flows. (This was the most painful part of the entire process. I wouldn't wish it on anyone). I also had a diagnostic laparoscopy to make sure there weren't any other issues.  All of that led to nothing except more expenses on our part. So was it worth it? Was I doing what God wanted us to do or was I just being impatient?

According to my blog, at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I don't really know except that those experiences gave me a better understanding of others going through fertility treatments. Even though there ended up being no benefit to those costs or expenses, maybe it was meant to be a part of our story.

I've learned that even if I was in error to try those things, God can and does use it for his glory if we let him. And he forgives us when we mess up and allows us to move forward with him by our side.

Confidence

I started this blog a few days ago and then never got around to finishing my thoughts. Today something came up that reminded me about this topic again, so I've decided to finish and post this. All that to say, someone needs to read this, so here it goes.

In my experience, I feel like Christians have a real problem with confidence. Because we don't want to be viewed at know-it-alls or arrogant. Because we don't want to push our beliefs on others. I agree that there is nothing worse than a Christian who has used their relationship with God to create a self serving image or platform. Who has made the gift of salvation all about them.

But our tendency to shy away from pride has created another problem among Christians. Lack of confidence. Somehow, we have become so "humble" that we aren't even confident enough to be who God has called us to be. And there is nothing wrong with humility. It is actually a quality that God wants us to have, but not to such a level that we are hindered.

Somehow we've forgotten that our confidence shouldn't be in ourselves but in Christ. You see, when we are his, he is the source of our everything. We don't have to feel meek or unworthy, but are made into the righteousness of God by the blood of Jesus. We are actually told to be confident.

Hebrews 4:16 Therefore, left us approach the throne of grace with BOLDNESS, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I John 5:14 And this is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.

Our confidence has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him. We are worthy of his blessings, his presence, his promises. Not because of who we are but because of who he is in us.

When the church doesn't grasp the authority and confidence we should a have in God, and learn to walk in that, Gods purposes are delayed. So we can't let that happen. We have to get in the word, remind ourselves who God says we are, and start living like it.

A good friend told me that the reason we struggle with feeling that we are worthy of what God has is that we impose our sinful nature on God. In other words, since we wouldn't find ourselves worthy if we were to be the judge, we assume God will see us the same way. The good news is that God is not sinful and he doesn't respond how we would. Although we can't fully grasp it, his love covers a  multitude of sins and he chooses to see past our unworthiness and love us, choose us, bless us seeing us as what he knows we will become.

Praise God that though we could never earn his love, he still gives it freely to us, and he has made us worthy.

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found.
Was blind but now I see.

Grace - an undeserved gift from God. Of eternal life. Of his forgiveness and compassion toward us. Of his love and goodness and the faithfulness of God in our lives.

Some would argue that one who had been saved from a life of sin has experienced a greater grace than someone like me, who was raised in church, who chose salvation at the young age of 6 and has chosen to serve God since that day.

But even if I was a good sinner, I was still a sinner in need of a savior. Still headed to hell were it not for the saving grace of God. My salvation and the forgiveness of my sins was purchased with the life of Jesus. With the same blood that saves the worst of sinners and the grace I received was indeed amazing.

Without the Holy Spirit to open our eyes we are all blind. To our need for a savior. To the realization that we cannot in all our efforts and good ideas save ourselves and deserve the gift of salvation. See, you did not seek and find Jesus, but he pursued you. Tugging at your heart, drawing you to come to him, desiring to make you his child and by his power alone, he has made you just that. By his amazing grace!

I once was lost but now am found.

Was blind but now I see.

Heavenly Hymns

One of the things I really like about hymns is the focus on heaven. We just don't get that much in the modern praise and worship. I think we sing more songs about being with God in heaven and being amazed (which are both true of heaven) but hymns speak of celebration, of the excitement and joy that heaven will be.

Everybody will be happy will be happy over there.
We will shout and sing God's praises.
Everybody will be happy over there.

When we all get to heaven
What a day of rejoicing that will be
When we all see Jesus
We'll sing and shout the victory.

I've heard this saying and I'm not sure where.
Don't be so heavenly minded that you aren't any earthly good.
I think the church as a whole has shifted from being so focused on heaven to the here and now. I don't think its a bad thing, but I definitely think some balance is needed.

There is some validity in the thought that we are not just saved to go to heaven but that we can experience victory here in our Christian walk. But there is also some truth in the fact that this world is not our home. We are just pilgrims on a journey to our real life. This life is important and how we choose to live for God or not is important, but this is just the pre-show, the appetizer, If you will, for the rest of our lives.

And the rest of our existence in heaven will be awesome. It is something to look forward to. It is the reason we keep on going day after day. Because there is more than this. Praise God!

What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see.
When I look upon his face, the one who saved me by his grace.
When he takes me by the hand and leads me through the promise land.
What a day glorious day that will be.

Tis so sweet

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take him at his word.
Just to rest upon his promise
Just to know thus saith the Lord.
Jesus Jesus how I trust him
How I've proved him o'er and o'er.
Jesus Jesus precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust him more.

This old hymn seems to be my go to when things in life don't make sense. I remember singing it in the hospital room when BJs brother was unconscious after a motorcycle accident. My sister sang it at my grandma's funeral.

And today another Godly woman has gone home to heaven. Although I know that her family was not ready to see her go, I also know that she is well now. And she is healed. And she has seen the face of her Father and wouldn't come back to this world for anything.

There are times in life when things don't seem fair. When we beg God to hear us in our desperation and things don't turn out the way we hoped. We are tempted to doubt God. To doubt that he is in control. That he will rescue us when we feel so alone.

I have learned that even in that, God knows what he is doing. When we are hurting and filled with questions, yes, it is still sweet to trust him. Only when we choose to trust God regardless of what is going on around us do we find true peace in Him. Only then.

Have A Little Talk With Jesus

Let us have a little talk with Jesus.
Let us tell him all about our troubles.
He will hear our faintest cry
And he will answer by and by
So when you feel a little prayer wheel turning
And you know a little fire is burning
You will find a little talk with Jesus makes it right.

Talking to Jesus is a good thing. Prayer works. Not because we choose or will something to happen but because God chooses to be moved by the prayers of his people. This doesn't mean we always get what we ask for, or that the answer is always yes but we can be sure that God listens and hears our prayers.

And it feels good to get things off of our chest. Its good to not carry things inside but to let them out. And there is no other person who is a better listener or audience for our venting than our loving Father.

And he knows. It all. He understands. In a way that no other ever will. And he's the one calling the shots. Not that we don't have choice, but that he is sovereign God.

In the end we will only see that things are made right if we can learn to take it to Jesus, lay it all at his feet and leave it there. Picking it up ensures that we will keep trying to make it all happen on our own. But leaving it there means we are trusting God to take care of it. Fully trusting that his ways are higher than ours. And he knows what is best for us.

Anthem

It's been a while since we sang hymns at our church. We used to do a couple each week, but the man who led that is getting older and has stepped down with no one to replace him. Man, I miss Brother Buddy and some good old hymns.

And I feel like the church is missing something by discarding the hymns and replacing them with praise and worship. Don't get me wrong, I love praise and worship, but there is something that a hymn brings that other worship doesn't. They are simple and to the point. Reminding us of the sacrifice of Jesus, or rejoicing in our coming king or heavenly home. They bring a feel, an emotion, that just can't be recreated through praise and worship.

A lot of praise and worship music tries too hard. To be lyrical, to be better than the latest and greatest. To get people to like it. And we have lost the feeling of the song. The emotion that comes from the author. The anointing of God has been replaced by trend and something different. 

So I am going to take some posts here in the future to look at some old hymns and discuss my thoughts. 

Tonight's installment: What a Friend We Have in Jesus.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

I woke up singing this song this morning (among others). Jesus, our friend, desires to carry all of our burdens and provide us with peace. But we have to choose to give him it all. We have an advocate, who goes before the Father on our behalf with our needs. It's his privilege to do so and our privilege to bring it all to him and leave it there.

But sometimes, we want to bear our own pain. We don't want to unnecessarily burden others down. When we choose to hold it all, we are denying ourselves of peace and denying Jesus the opportunity to meet our needs according to his riches.

Sometimes we don't want help. We want to do it ourselves. We want to prove that we are strong enough, tough enough, good enough to handle it all on our own.

But we aren't. And until we can admit that, and bring it all to Jesus, our true friend, we will struggle  and we will feel the weight of it all. Not because Jesus won't take care of it all. Because we are choosing to do it ourselves. Like a stubborn 2 year old. Who in all reality, can't do everything themselves and yet, persists that he can.

We are so stubborn sometimes. Unwilling to give it all to Jesus. So he patiently waits for us. Wanting what is best for us and waiting for us to let him be God in our lives.

Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. He is always with us. We are never alone, no matter how we feel. Never Alone. And he knows what is best. And he wants to carry our burdens. And in his love, he lets us be stubborn and choose to do things the hard way.

All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Fading Away

I truly believe that in my life time I will see the return of Christ for his church, a bride without spot or wrinkle. There are things happening now in the world that point to these being the last days. And although I don't tend to spend much time trying to figure out end time prophesy, I do know two general things that will happen. There will be a great falling away of the church and a great revival. Although these things seems contradictory, I do believe they are essentially a separating of the Christians in name only and those who are committed to die for Jesus if necessary.

I know that God is the ultimate judge, but I also know that the Bible says you can recognize a Christian by its fruit. So I see many Christians finding less time to be at the house of God and more time for everything else. I see the hunger dwindling away, but I also see new families coming into the kingdom with a new fervor to serve God and proclaim his name.

The former hurts me. I just wanna yell God is coming, don't give up now, we are almost there! I want to beg and plead with them. How sad to turn away from God at the 11th hour! At yet, I know that any decision made because someone has convinced you or guilted you into it is not strong enough for you to stand. So I pray for those instead, knowing that God can draw them back, God can reconcile them and will continue calling them back, forgiving, loving, because God cannot deny his compassionate heart. Even when we walk away from him.

And the falling away doesn't happen in a day. Its one decision at a time. To choose to take a break from it all and just be absent instead of faithful. To ignore the voice of God instead of obey. To allow ourselves to stop fighting the fight of faith and to just give in because it is easier. Because we are tired.

Our example of strength in the face of trials is Jesus, who chose to die on the cross, when he didn't have to, didn't want to. Just as he endured, we too should endure and keep pushing on and not give up. Because God is able to make us stand.

We do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved. Hebrews 10:39

Marriage is a Journey

Really been thinking about my husband and marriage today. Things are really good right now. Really good.

But that doesn't happen by default. It happens by the grace of God and very intentional acts on both our parts. We have both been willing to work on us in order to help our marriage flourish.

Honestly, things were kinda rough after Seth was born. Bj was such a great husband taking care of the older kids and helping me when he could and really making things doable. But it is very hard to balance being a new mom and being the wife my husband needs me to be. Bj got overlooked a lot, but was so gracious and just kept loving me through it.

And here we are almost 2 years later and our marriage is better than it has ever been. And that's the way a marriage should be. It just gets better over time, as long as you intentionally keep your spouse was your second most important relationship (after you relationship with god and before your kids.)

I've said it so many times, but I am truly thankful for the godly husband Bj is and the great dad he has become. My life is complete because he is in it.

Iron Friend

The past week or so I've gained a new friend, kind of unexpectedly. I've known this person for a while but not like this. We are able to discuss and talk about everything without either one getting offended. I can be pretty brutally honest and they get me and debate with me and we leave the conversation better than we came.

It has been a long time (maybe never before) since I've had a friend like this. I am so grateful for this friendship God thought I needed.

I've never been one to have a lot of close friends. Looking back I've had quite a few friends, but each of them have clicked with me in certain areas and there were other topics we knew we didn't agree on so we avoided them. And I was okay with that and am not asking for sympathy.

But this friendship is different. A good different. God gave me an iron friend.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17