Instant In Season and Out of Season

My dad has been sick for a week or so and his voice has been getting less and less because of this. So I showed up at church to find that I would be leading worship, kinda. I would be leading the songs he picked and he couldn't sing but he stood up there as the leader and "sang". It looked pretty normal from the outside, but our lead vocals was no where to be found.

It was weird, but God showed up anyways. I was glad to find that Dad had selected songs in keys I could sing. And somehow because I had no control of the songs and little control over the way things flowed, it was so easy for me. Worship felt very intimate and God just came and loved on us.

When I lead worship, I take a lot of time to plan the songs and the flow. Not that there is anything wrong with planning, but I learned today that in my planning I try to hold on to at least a little bit of control. My desire for things to be "perfect" (even of that means following Gods lead) actually holds me back. I need to learn to trust God more and not over think things.

We are all a work in progress. I love when God shows me where I need his help (although it can hurt my pride sometimes). He shows us where we need to change because he loves us and wants what is best for us.

They Love Each Other

My kids love each other, really they do. And yet my house is constant!y filled with arguing and bickering about things that are so insignificant. Because each of them chooses to pick fights just for the sake of fighting. (Or that's my outsider perspective at least.) No one can say anything in my house without someone disagreeing with you or saying something contrary to start an argument.

I know they are just kids and eventually they will mature and learn to just keep their mouths shut, but right now it just drives me crazy. Saying nothing would be better. So much better.

So today on the way to Wichita Falls, Bj decided that every time they are arguing or being rude to each other the punishment with be a 10 to 15 second hug between the two offenders. This sound so silly but it has already in the first 9 hours or so of implementation been so effective. Especially when we are in public or in front of other people.

Daniel's first response was that it was just going to make they argue more which I told him will just cause more hugging. They all say it isn't working, but believe me it is. If nothing else, they are at least quick to end arguments and not drag it on forever or continuing annoying each other for fun.

So if any of you need a punishment to encourage getting along and the end to the silly arguments I would highly recommend the 15 second hug. Sometimes Bj is just a mastermind. So glad he is on my team.

He Knows

We are in the car on the way to my sister's house for Lilly's first birthday party. We had sick kids yesterday and really thought we were going to be splitting parental duties and healthy and sick kids, but by the time I got home last night every one was on the mend. They all slept through the night and have not have fevers since yesterday. Praise God for healthy kids because sick kids are no fun!

In the car I have addressed all of the Christmas cards that need to be mailed and worked on my Sunday School lesson.

And in the middle of just doing things that need to get done, the Jeremy Camp song He Knows came on the radio. I don't listen to the radio often, so I am not sure I've heard it before.

He knows. He knows.
Every hurt and every sting.
He has walked the suffering.
He knows. He knows.
Let your burdens come undone.
Life your eyes up to the one who knows.
He knows. He knows.

If you've been around me any amount of time, you know that I have found comfort in the fact that no matter what I am going through and what I cannot seem to grasp or understand about my circumstances, God knows. And understands. I have learned that God knowing (and in his power taking care of me and my needs) is enough for me to be able to bring my burdens to the Lord and leave them there. In his capable hands.

God is sovereign. That means he knows and fully understands every aspect of what I am going through and how it makes me feel and how I respond to it. And he is able to make all grace abound to me. I think I am comforted in an all knowing God because I am an intellectual and like to know as much as possible about whatever is going on so that I can make the best decision and move forward. So when I am weak and cannot know it all (which is often) I can rest in a God who does know all there is to be known.

So I really appreciated that song today. What a great reminder that I am never overlooked or ignored, but I am known, my circumstances are known and God is taking care of me.

Bigger

Bigger than all my problems bigger than all my fears
God is bigger than any mountain I can or cannot see.
Bigger than all my questions bigger than anything.
God is bigger than any mountain I can or cannot see.

The main point of this song is that God is bigger. Than the struggles. Than the unknown. Than everything.

And that is the truth.

But God brought me to the line that talks about the mountains you can't see. I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been just going along in life, pretty normally and was hit head on with an unseen mountain. As a natural born planner, it is definitely easier to deal with a struggle or mountain when it is at least expected. (Although I don't like to borrow worry from tomorrow.) Those unknown, unexpected mountains can knock the breath right out of you and leave you down.

But no matter how the mountains come, you have to just keep getting up. Because the God in you, equipping you, is bigger.

Fear can be paralyzing. The what ifs and the worries for the future and the unknown will keep you from moving past the mountains if you let it.

But God is bigger.

We want to understand what God is doing, even when it is often not in God's plan for us to know. Our questions can be endless and we start to doubt God's ways because he does things differently than we do. Because his ways are higher than our ways. And the devil uses our questions to put a chasm between us and God.

But God is bigger.

A King and His Castle

On Saturday, Daniel and I spent some time cleaning his room. Let's just say that organization and keeping things clean is not his strength. If you know me at all, you know I can be a little compulsive when it comes to things being clean, so I'm sure it really wasn't as bad as I felt that it was. I'm a little picky about these things. Anyways, when we were done cleaning he was so proud of his room. You could just tell he felt better about himself and life in general. It was so clean from his perspective that he called his room his castle and invited anyone who came over to see it.

 

It got me thinking. Maybe he would feel better about school if he felt more organized. I asked him about this and encouraged him to keep his desk and folders clean like he does his room. He said it wasn't bad at school and I reminded him that he has had to redo work because he couldn't find it when it was due. I know his teacher goes through his desk at least every other week and helps him clean it out.

All that to say, I hope he can keep his room clean and maybe some other parts of his life will get the organization that they need and he can be proud of his work.

He sure is growing up. He was so little when we got him. Why do they have to grow up so fast? :(

Trying Something New

Since I graduated college, I have worked full time. In my field and with my employer, this means 40-45 hour weeks are the norm with 50-55 hour weeks during a few busy months out of the year. I am not at all complaining. For a CPA, I know that is fewer hours than most. I chose to work for a small firm because I was not willing to work more than that. I love my job, but my life has changed a lot in the past few years (kids do that to you.) Bj getting a new job with more pay has given me the freedom to change things.

So, yesterday was the first day of my new 35 hour per week job. Yes, I am still at the same place and doing the same job and doubt that will ever change, but I have chosen to take a cut in pay in order to work less and spend more time being a parent. Honestly, the busy times will probably look the same, but with reduced normal hours in between. I hope that I am able to make this work and feel a little more connected to my kids and husband.

My boss, Elaine, has been great to me over the years and I am so glad she was able to give me this option. When you work with a small group for so many years, they really do become like family. We probably know too much about each other's lives, but we like it that way. If this wasn't an option, I am sure that I would have stuck it out and continued to work the hours, because I love my job so much but I am hoping that having a little more time will allow me help my kids more and be mentally more productive when I am at work.

And since I will usually be the first parent home, I will be picking up the dinner duties more than I have been (Bj has been so great! He is actually picking up Mama's Pizza for dinner. Yeah, I am spoiled.) I really need to menu plan and shop accordingly. I realized last night that my pantry and fridge were not prepared for me to be cooking all week. Oops! We have plenty of things Bj would cook but nothing for my go to meals. Guess that will have to wait until next week.

And I have plenty of time to think about adding to our family.

No, this isn't a pregnancy announcement. I really don't know if I want more kids or not. I guess we'll just see what God has in store. My OB/GYN says when you ask God, he usually answers yes. He has a direct line to God, he says. I love Dr. Wiegman. Always makes me smile.

If we do have another child, we should really consider naming it "Not Me." We kind of have a running joke about my 5th kid Not Me always getting in trouble. When I ask the kids who did whatever, they always blame him/her. I guess they would be born in trouble. Maybe that isn't the best idea. :)

I am just all over the place today. Now that you have all been entertained by the musings of my mind, we will now return to regularly scheduled programming. Until my thoughts strike again...

Let My People Go!

Go down, Moses, way down in Egypt's land.
Tell ol' Pharoah, "Let my people go!"

Over Thanksgiving break, Jill, my sister, was singing this song to Seth. It was the one song that would stop his fits or that he would approve of without a resounding "No!"

So this morning, for whatever reason, I was singing it to Seth and then in the car on the way to school. Daniel said it didn't sound like a real song. That's probably because I was imitating how Jill imitates how Erin, my niece, sings it. 

And God used it to speak to me. Just a little Sunday School song made for kids, but full of truth.

I'm sure we've all heard the story of how God used Moses to deliver the Israelites out of Egypt. God sent Moses to Egypt to bring freedom to the Israelites who had been enslaved by Pharoah for many years. He sent him with a clear plan and instructions. Tell them God sent you and tell Pharoah to "Let my people go!"

Seems easy enough and yet often times we desire to be rescued from our slavery, our bondage but are unwilling to take the steps to get there. What would have happened if Moses didn't face his enemy and declare that God said to free God's people? See, Moses had the authority of Almighty God behind him and that authority was greater than Pharoah's. But if Moses wouldn't speak the words to bring freedom, the Israelites would not have been delivered.

We need to realize the authority we have and act on it, telling the devil to let go of us, of our children, of our finances, our marriages, our lives. He isn't as big as we think he is. Yes, he isn't a wimp and he doesn't fight fair, but GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN US than he that is in the world. God wants us to be free to worship him, to serve him, to live for him, but often times we are stuck in our own bondage because we won't tell the devil to back off by the authority we have been given in Jesus. God is waiting for us to obey him so he can bring the deliverance, and we are waiting on him to rescue us and, in the meantime, refuse to obey what he is telling us to do. Refuse to stand up to our enemy and declare our freedom.

Declare your freedom today because he who the Son sets free is free indeed.