I Know That You Are For Me

Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It just amazes me how God speaks to you through different parts of the same verse depending on what you are going through. Actually, I think its pretty awesome that God speaks to me at all. I don't ever want to be so used to it that I take him for granted. I am sure that you have all heard sermons or teachings on this verse and usually the key words we focus on are plans, hope, future, prosper, you know, all the good stuff this verse tells us about God's plans. But about 6 months ago God used this verse to teach me something very different.

This journey to have kids has been a roller coaster and this past February when I was having to decide to go to a fertility specialist or not, I got really frustrated with God. See, my plans at that point were still that God is going to heal me and give me kids. I am not much for doctors anyways, but I was really fighting going to a specialist. As if going was admitting there was something wrong with me that I and God couldn't fix. And I didn't want God to look like a failure. At this point I admitted I couldn't do a thing to fix my problems this time, but God, I still expected him to come through just at the last minute so I could avoid the specialist all together. I fought it for a long time and I was mad at God for bringing me to this point. I have tried very hard to not let my emotions get in the way and to truly stand on God's word and His promises and not what I felt. But I was a wreck. So God brought me to this verse, that I've read five trillion times (maybe more as it is currently painted on our Sunday School room wall). The part he used to speak to me says "and not to harm you." I felt on occasion, though I wouldn't admit it to anyone, I was being harmed through this ordeal and I was looking for someone to blame. I began to repeat to myself, day after day, through more tears than I care to admit that God wasn't trying to hurt me. Yes, I was hurt and I was struggling, and God was using the struggle for his glory, but his plans were not to hurt me. And I can see the babies he is bringing me now, three of them. More than I ever could have dreamed for. And I realize his plans are for my good and for their good. I don't know if we will end up with those kids, but I do know he is working it out, not to harm me or them, but to bring us together in his perfect time. God has put us here at this time, for the kids he created for us I have been listening to this song lately and love it. It feels like exactly where I am, like I could have written it. From the place that I am in right now.

Know that God is for you, on your side fighting for you, and not harming and hurting you. Because he won't forsake you in your weakness. So draw closer to him.