Tomorrow begins our first Christmas with the kids. We've had a few small things but tomorrow starts the major Christmas celebrations with the families. And I'm afraid I'm going to be so uptight I'll miss it all and will later wish I would have just chilled out and enjoyed making memories. Yeah I know I am way too hard on myself as a parent, and I expect some meltdowns, but I have a really hard time finding balance between being consistent with discipline and letting it slide. I rarely let anything slide because I am nothing if I am not consistent. But sometimes, it is so exhausting. Especially on special occasions when I feel like we are on display. I know everyone has been there before, but because this is the first Christmas, and I don't know what will and will not cause huge meltdowns, I am kinda dreading it.
And they already have enough Christmas for the year and we haven't even started the "big" Christmas celebrations. Why on earth did I feel I needed to buy them toys at all? Seriously. Between grandparents, and previous foster parents, and our adoption agency, they have plenty. And the fun is just beginning.
And I'm afraid they are going to be rude and unappreciative of everything.
And I hate the parent I am when they are being rude. I don't want to raise my voice, but I often find myself there. Why don't they hear me when I am talking normally to them? Some days I think their ears are broken. Seriously. And I get overwhelmed and angry with them. And then I am that mom. You know the one, yelling at her kids, frustrated, pulling her hair out, and nothing seems to be working. And I hate being that mom. Because no matter how rude they are to me, they are just crying out for love and testing boundaries. They told me to expect this but in the heat of the moment I am only angry and frustrated and just want them to listen and obey. And I forget they are adjusting to us just like we are adjusting to them.
I feel better now that I've gotten that all off my chest. It always feels good to vent your fears and frustrations, or for me it does.
So if you think of us in the next couple of days please pray that we, as parents, will know how to respond to our kids' antics and when to just let it go. And pray that our kids take a break from being rude if even for a few moments so we can be reminded of the sweet children God has given us and enjoy the moments. Cause I don't want to regret our first Christmas as a family of 5.
1 comment:
I read the full blog message tonight. What your feeling is actually normal. It's just magnified because you don't have three new babies, you have three "new" children with difficult issues in their lives. All new parents have expectations, fears, anxieties, etc..... The older you get, and as your children grow, your perspective changes. You realize you can only do your best, and it takes years to mold young lives, not days or weeks. Lots of prayer, lots of care, lots of patience(with yourself also). You tackle character issues by modeling it in your life. You teach, you pray, and this takes your journey of faith in God to work in and walk with your children to a whole new level. Slow down Sandra, don't worry about today or tomorrow. For now the best thing for these children is to be showered in love from all the family, even if it seems like too much. They will learn the important lessons over time, not in one stand alone Christmas. Trust that as well as showering them, the family is loving and praying for you and them.
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