I can't really put into my words how I feel right now except tired. Not really physically tired (but some of that too. I am 30.5 weeks pregnant ya know.). More mentally, emotionally, spiritually tired. This week has been trying in a lot of different ways. Parenting stuff mostly. I'm not airing my kids dirty laundry because that's not fair to them. Maybe I wasn't ready to start another school year. I kinda feel like we are starting over again. The kids have been here for almost 11 months and yet it feels like concerning school we are at square one in some ways. Yes, there are definitely some improvements, but not as much as I'd hoped. I guess maybe I had too high of expectations. I loved the idea the kids were getting a chance to start over at a new school with new friends and new teachers, but it hasn't exactly worked out as I hoped. Change is so normal to them, I guess they couldn't mentally change themselves and only know how to act like the new kid. Anyways, I didn't mean to be so negative, but its been a rough couple of weeks.
Since Sunday I have been able to find my happy place, my peaceful place again in playing the piano and singing. I really do love playing the piano and just worshiping God. It just puts me in a good mood and is a good de-stresser for me, which I definitely need right now. There is just so much going on right now, as can be expected, that I just need my time to wind down with no kids, no work, no husbands, but just me and God and the piano and my day goes so much better. I tend to let myself get too busy and I forget how much I need that time to chill.
Seth is gonna be here in a little over 2 months. It is so hard to believe! This pregnancy has just flown by without really any complications or issues and I am so grateful. I really can't even wrap my head around having a tiny baby in the house. I've been so consumed with just living the day to day with the three kids I have, I haven't really let myself try to think about what its going to be like. It'll be here before we know it. And I am quite aware that I will never be fully prepared for this. Life is gonna change again. You'd think I'd be used to change by now, but quite honestly I'm ready for things to settle down. But for now, it's just gonna get more crazy and more hectic before we find our new normal again. So I am holding on tight and waiting for the ride to be over. One day at a time.
1 comment:
Hey girl- we have had a rough start of the year in the Z household as well. It has been difficult to say the least...we have had to set up more boundaries and rules at home because they would just go crazy when they got home. I think the structure at school would make them go extra wild at home...I don't know. But Justin and I have had to pray A LOT and excercise patience and ultimately be tougher parents. I will be praying along side you! :)
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