VICTORY

God has been doing some amazing things in me.  It hasn't always been fun  because quite honestly, letting go and giving God control is down right scary for a control freak like me.  I like my little plans and I like to know what is going on and why.  But that isn't how God works.  He is God and I am not for a reason and so I have to learn to trust him even when my natural tendency is to hold on to my plan with every ounce in me.  I'm learning, it just isn't easy.

Last Sunday we had a time of worship in our second service unlike any I've been in before.  No music, no songs, no plan, just straight worship from the heart with a church full of people doing the same. I was doing well for about 10 minutes and then worship just started getting hard.  I ran out of things to say and it just got really hard.  Honestly, I felt guilty for how hard it was for me at that point, but I knew that was the devil attacking, so I pushed through that hurdle. And that's when God spoke to me.  

Quick rabbit trail - I am not one for emotionalism and hype when it comes to experiencing God.  There is nothing wrong with being prayed for by others or God using others to encourage me,  but my relationship with God is not based on if someone else prays for me or sees me or notices me in my struggles or not.  I don't need a cheerleader or pep rally, I need God. When God speaks to me and I feel his love and his encouragement, it reaches me in a deeper way (whether emotions are involved or not) than people.  That doesn't mean that if God wants you to speak to me that I am not receptive to that as well, just that my relationship with God is not dependent on that.

So I just love it when God speaks to me directly.  It reminds me that he understands me and knows me.

Nothing is too hard for God.

That's all God gave me. Simple as it may be, that one sentence packs a powerful punch.

I've been living in a week full of impossibilities. It has been such a struggle.  Because I hate failing. And I hate when I have no idea what I am supposed to do. And everything I know to do seems like wasted energy. (I'm sure my preggo hormones didn't make this easier on my emotions or everyone around me either.) But that's okay.  Because God's provision and ability to take care of me doesn't depend on my energy or my abilities but on his fully capable hands. So once again, I stand on God's word KNOWING that what appears like a mountain to me is nothing to God.  He is able and willing to take care of it.  I don't know when and I don't know how, but it isn't up to me. It is up to him. And he WILL take care of it. ALL of it.

And to confirm that I heard God right, this week's Sunday School lesson was about when God appeared to Abraham in Genesis 18 and said "Is anything to hard for the Lord?" Nope, nothing. Yeah, that's just how God works.

And there will be victory on the other side of this. God hasn't planned for me to live defeated but in victory. The victory the comes by the sacrifice of Jesus is for me and I plan to believe and live in victory, even if the situation stays the same, even if I'm not feeling it.  Because it is on the way and there is no way I will waste days or hours living defeated when my victory has already been purchased for me.

I Corinthians 15:57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.