37w3d Update

I'm sorry I haven't taken pictures in a while, but well, I am tired a lot and busy a lot and never think about it honestly. And the days until we are a family of 6 are dwindling down, quickly. Like I'll wake up and the day will be here.  Totally ridiculous if you ask me. I have a friend from church who thinks Seth should be born on her birthday. The problem is that her birthday is in June.  I am pretty sure the chance of Seth being born in June is about 0%, but at the same time when I think about the inevitable events of the next short weeks, keeping him inside for another 7 months doesn't sound like a half bad idea. I don't do the unknown well (not that I know anyone who does) and we are getting to the point where I am getting a little scared, honestly. Okay, now for the typical update:

How Far Along: 37 Weeks 2 Days (sorry I never posted after last weeks doctor's appointment)
Size of the Baby: 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel, the size of a swiss chard.  Baby Seth is measuring small, but more about that later.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: 19.9 pounds
Maternity Clothes: Yep
Gender: Boy, Seth Edward Fowler
Movement: All the time.  He does let me sleep, so that's good.
What I Miss Most: not aching in my joints when I move or walk
Cravings: I have finally identified a craving, kinda.  In the morning, I usually want a large glass or bottle of juice (usually apple or some version of strawberry kiwi)
Symptoms: waddling, aching, feeling big in general
Best Moment of the week: I know this has nothing to do with pregnancy, but I beat the family at Putt Putt on Saturday.  I'm not sure I've won a game of Putt Putt in years and I know I have never beaten BJ. But the losing strike is over and I am the champion, at least until we play again.


Today at the doctor's office, Dr. W said he wasn't happy with how small Seth is measuring.  He hasn't said anything until today, so it took me by surprise.  We are scheduled for a sonogram tomorrow to make sure everything is fine. At the end of the appointment, he asked how tall BJ was and when I told him, he said he thinks Seth is just genetically small, but still wants to make sure. Yes, I have cried (what hormonal pregnant woman wouldn't get a little upset when there is a possibility something is wrong with her baby?) I am trying to trust God and not be scared, but would really appreciate it if you would say a prayer for us.  If everything is fine, Dr. W wants to schedule induction for November 14th if Seth doesn't come before that.  Although I initially objected, at this point, I just want Seth to be here and happy and healthy and am happy to do whatever the doctor thinks is best.


So we will be a family of 6 in 15 days or less...unbelievable!!

All in a Name

Shortly before the adoption our kids started fighting the idea of changing their names.  For our kids the name changes were small, middle name spelling for Haley to Kay from another spelling of the same middle name and then last names for all. The main reason nothing else changed is because they were older and they already had family names.  Daniel is my dad's name, Kay (for Haley) is my middle name and mom's name and Katelynn's middle name is the same as my mother-in-laws.  If it was up to Katelynn, her name would have been changed to Katelynn Babicita Cinderella Fowler. Seriously. The girl is so goofy!

Once the adoption happened we had a few months where the older two reminded me they'd be putting their biological last name on their papers at school, probably just to see what I'd do.  I told them that was fine but their teacher's wouldn't have a clue who those papers belonged to. But that never grew into anything.

Recently I've noticed that Haley has started to write her entire name on everything. Haley Kay Fowler. And Daniel always writes Fowler, even if he doesn't need to. And Katelynn (who doesn't know how to spell Fowler) tries to add a last name which always includes a F and a W.

I'm pretty sure they are proud to be Fowlers and to be a part of their new family.

It makes me feel good that they know they belong and are loved here. 

It reminds me of one of my favorite scripture verses.

But now, this is what the LORD says--he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

It feels great to belong to one greater than yourself.  To be known by name. To be His.

Day 5 - Patience

We work on being patient at my house A LOT.  I have sung the "Be patient" song enough to drive them all crazy, and yet we are still having issues.  It's really not their fault.  We are all selfish and we all think we deserve what we want when we want it without having to wait for everything.  Because we've been trained by society to think it's all about us.

And I'm not sure I'm a good example at patience.  I've tried to learn to be patient over the years and yet the impatient monster rears its ugly head more than I care to admit.

Nonetheless, God expects us to be patient, with each other, with ourselves (this one's hard for me) and with him, especially when we don't see things happening the way we think they should.

Prayer for the Kids:
God, I pray that you will help my kids to learn to wait well.  I know that patience is learned by example and as we go through trials.  Help them to know that we and you have their best interest at heart and that good things are worth the wait.

Help their lives to show the fruit of the spirit as they spend more time with you every day. Help them to develop a relationship with you that encourages them to be patient with others and with themselves when they don't get something the first time they try.  Give them the determination to keep seeking you and keep trying new things knowing that you are faithful.

34w2d

How Far Along: 34 Weeks 2 Days
Size of the Baby: 4 3/4 pounds, size of a cantaloupe and is almost 18 inches long
Total Weight Gain/Loss: 18 Pounds. I am very proud of that number. Honestly, I weighed this much at my heaviest the summer after we got married. Right now I am feeling too big to have room to eat much, so that helps with not gaining too much weight.
Maternity Clothes: Yep
Gender: Boy, Seth Edward Fowler
Movement: All the time.  He does let me sleep, so that's good.
What I Miss Most: My clothes.  My selection at the moment is limited and I really don't want to spend the money to increase my wardrobe for only a few more weeks.
Cravings: none.  I have pretty much eaten whatever I've wanted the entire pregnancy which is such a blessing. I do get fuller faster sometimes, but nothing too bad.
Symptoms: Just feeling generally huge. Sometimes I can't sit comfortably because he's sitting pretty low.
Best Moment of the week: I don't know that it was the best moment but it was a moment I want to remember.  Today at lunch I was asked when I was due so I told her. I had a moment of realization that, yeah, I actually do look pregnant.  It just feels like overnight I suddenly look and feel pregnant.  I remember years ago hoping, praying that one day I would be here and here I am.

This picture just really shows how big I am feeling these days.  And Seth has definitely dropped.  We are getting there.  Finally! Tomorrow is our first of two baby showers.  I am excited to see friends that I haven't seen in a while and to see all of the fabulous things Seth is getting.  We are so blessed!

After my next doctor's appointment, we move on to every week and the fun begins...

Day 4 - Joy

As adults over time we let our circumstances determine our joy instead of our God.  And his provision. And his promises. And the things he has for us.  I know that I am usually a realist and I let my view of what is really happening limit my joy. 

Most of the time kids are able to have child-like faith and believe without doubt and all the things adults let hinder them.  But because my kids are from hard places, they've lost some of that.  They have been hurt more than other kids and have endured more than other kids, so they've become more skeptical and more calloused. 

Prayer for my Kids:

God, help my kids to be kids again.  Let them somehow regain the innocence most kids have and fully experience the joy found in your presence.  I don't want them to miss out on the blessing of being a kid with no worries, so help them to let go of the things they've had to carry over the past years to protect themselves.  Help them to be able to let go of the habits they have created to survive and realize they are safe here and can just be kids enjoying life to the fullest. Let them know they are taken care of and they are loved and they are free to just be kids again.  Let them realize that finding joy in you is where they will gain strength.

Show them where they are taking on more than they need to and help them to feel safe enough to let go and let you be in control and let us lead them as their parents.

Give them your joy in each day. Help them be confident in your love for them and help them to share your joy and love with others.

Dreams

Well I've heard a lot about pregnant people having weird dreams as they get to the end of their pregnancies.  I wouldn't exactly say that my dreams have been weird but they have definitely made it clear that I'm a little anxious about the labor and delivery and really just what life will be like with a baby in the house.

So in this past week I've had two dreams that I remember.  The first one was just a dream where I remember thinking I was might be in labor, but wasn't sure.  My goal in labor and delivery is to not use any medications and to have a natural delivery. I know that things happen and there is a possibility this won't happen.  I have decided from all the stories I hear that if you want a natural delivery, you have a better chance of that if you stay at home longer and labor their instead of rushing to the hospital. So I'm pretty sure this dream was just due to the unknown factor as far as labor and delivery for a first time mom.

In the second dream, the baby was born and it was a girl. Most of the things we have registered for are semi-neutral, so I think we could easily switch most things to fit a girl. My main stress, in my dream, is that we have absolutely no girl names. I have a middle name "Renee" after my sister, but we never got further than that because we didn't have to.  I have since looked and re-looked at the gender prediction sonogram picture and he really looks like a boy, but this dream has got me thinking.  No, I'm not stressed out, but I pretty much hadn't even thought about what if the doctor was wrong.

I'm sure I'm more worried about how everything turns out then I let on, but I try not to focus on that.  For example, this week my mother-in-law asked me what I wanted for Christmas.  I haven't even thought about it, so I haven't responded to her email, but my first response was "a baby who sleeps through the night, breastfeeding to come easily and not stress me out, my kids to adjust to the new baby, and the ability to survive with little sleep."  How can I possibly think about what to buy me for Christmas when there is so much going on between now and then? :)

I also realized I really need to get working on Christmas shopping. A while back I had plans to at least get the kids Christmas bought before Seth gets here. And I've purchased one of their gifts and know what we are getting them as a group gift (which will be bought after Seth is here because of what it is).  We are downsizing Christmas this year because honestly, they get plenty between grandparents and I don't feel like I am trying to get them setup for life.  Last year we bought them multiple items they needed as we had only had them for 2 months at that point. Not this year.  We are moving down to 4 gifts a piece. Something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. (Thanks to Rachel's post on this last year!) In addition, we may buy new PJs they get on Christmas Eve.  Mainly because those kids love their PJs and because they are getting too tall for them. Seriously, will they stop growing so fast  already?

Ok, so those of you following for the daily prayers for my kids, I'm sorry yesterday and today aren't going to follow that, but I'll try to get back on to that tomorrow.

Oh and thanks to Maggie, Mommy gets a break! The kids are spending the night with her on Sunday night and then they'll be with her on Monday since they are off of school. So I don't have to get up as early on Monday nor do I have to get them to bed on Sunday. So we'll call it a break. I love my kids, but right now, breaks are good too.

Day 3 - Love of God's Word

I am so excited to pray for my kids to have a love of God's word today.  If you know me, AT ALL, I am convinced that memorizing scripture is the best way to defend yourself against the devil and to go after him on the offense as well. It's the only offensive weapon we have according to Ephesians 6.  I have been memorizing scripture since a very young age and even memorized entire books of the Bible at a time from 7th-12th grade for Bible Quiz. And most of it, by constant use, I remember at least in pieces.  I honestly don't know how I ever would have survived without having God's word living and breathing inside of me through all these years.  How can you ever stand against the devil when he hits in the middle of the day if you have to take the time to find a verse to defend yourself with? I would call scripture memory the always ready weapon.  And if you say you can't memorize or its too hard, let me tell you that is certainly not God telling you that.  Of course the devil wants you in an "I can't" frame of mind so he can beat you more easily.  When you realize how important it is, you will make time and you will learn how to memorize. Ok, stepping off of my soap box, kinda, and moving on to praying for my kids.

So you won't be surprised to know that as soon as we got the kids almost a year ago (has it really been that long?) we almost immediately started implementing Bible Scripture memory into their lives as a  itof our nightly Bible times and supporting and helping them to learn verses for their Wednesday night and Sunday School classes.  I am a firm believer that God's word will always accomplish in our lives what God intends it to, whether it be during and after it is being memorized or years down the road when it resurfaces as God reminds us of his promises. 

One of the first passages of scripture we memorized with the kids was I Corinthians 1:4-8. Yes, even my then 4 year old had this memorized.  ( By the way, if she could memorize this passage at 4 when she doesn't even know what a lot of the words mean and she certainly can't spell them, so can you!)  We said it every night for months, adding one line at a time.  We reviewed it a couple of weeks ago and for the most part they still remember it.  Why that scripture? Well because the love they knew was not God's love.  They knew the love that was bought, and that broke promises, and that was conditional at best. So I wanted them to know, from the beginning, that God's love isn't like that and our love for them isn't like that.  Plus, when they were acting poorly I could ask them if they loved me.  They would say yes and we could use this verse to tell them that if they loved, they would not be rude or they would not keep track of other's wrongs.  Memorizing this passage of scripture also taught them that they could do more than they thought.  And the feeling of accomplishment you get when you do something you thought was impossible, is contagious, and enough to make you try something else you thought you couldn't do.  It was really good for their self esteem. 

Ok, onto the prayer.

For the kids:

God, give my kids a love for your Word.  Because it is through your word that we really learn who you are.  Give them a passion for hiding your word deep inside so they can know your love on a deeper level and know who you have made them to be.  I pray that your Holy Spirit will make your word come alive to them. That it won't just be another book or something they learn because they have to but a treasure they want to hold onto. That their faith in you will be based on your word and your character that do not change and not just on feelings or emotions. Give them  understanding beyond their years of what your word is saying and give them a hunger for your word that grows more with each passing day.

Day 2 - Hope

When you live life without Jesus, there is really no hope for the future.  You try to find fulfillment in accomplishments and things, but in the end all of that is empty.  Life is just a series of days that really lead to nothing without God. That is one of the reasons I am so grateful for my kids.  God gave them a chance to come from hopelessness to a place of hope.  Because in Him there is a reason to life and a future to hope for and to strive for.  The term hope automatically brings one of my favorite verses to mind.

Jeremiah 29:11says God has plans for hope for us. As Pastor talked about a few weeks back, God doesn't plan for our defeat but for our victory.  We just have to put our hope in him who is able to do exceedingly above what we can ask or imagine.

So back to the kids, they are learning what it is like to hope in someone who loves them more than they can imagine and who can change things and won't fail them.  For the most part they get it in their heads, but I'm not sure it's been solidified in their inner man yet.  Goodness, I'm not sure I always am able to hope when things seem hopeless.  It's a learning and growing curve. A constant progress to total faith and hope in what we can't see but KNOW to be true.

Prayer for the Kids -

God, prove yourself to my kids.  Their experiences have taught them not to trust and not to hope in people because they have been failed time after time. We can talk about hoping in you all day, but until they have tested you and seen you show up for them, they won't ever fully be able to grasp the hope they can have in you. Move them from a place of despair to hope.  Where they can get a glimpse of the awesome things you have planned for them as they learn to trust you more. God give them strength to break the old habits they created to protect themselves from being hurt and help them to open up and allow themselves to hope in you and your great plan for them.

31 Days of Prayer for my Kids

The Nester started 31 days of change yesterday actually, so I am a little behind, but I decided to join even a day late.  I figured I could do anything for 31 days, right?  I know life is crazy, but my goal is to make it 31 days posting prayers for my kids on certain topics. So here it goes.

I am using this list, but there are plenty on the internet.  Please join me in praying for our kids.

Day 1 - Faith

When I think about faith and my kids, I think about where they came from. Their perspective on many things about life were learned from their birth parents or foster parents and have nothing to do with God.  Seeing them and the things they are having to unlearn and relearn to live life God's way makes me even more grateful for the Christian upbringing I had. Yes it's true that I know nothing different than serving God, but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

For Haley 

God, I pray that you will give her faith to believe, not only that you are God and you are real and you are for her but also that you love her, no matter what.  Help her to know that even when it doesn't make sense, her faith in you will be her foundation, something to hold on when the world around her is confusing and constantly changing. Help her to know that doing all the right things will never fully please you unless she believes in you and puts her faith in all that you are and can be in her life.

For Daniel

God, help him to be able to believe in you and trust you fully.  I know he has learned from experience that people will fail him, so help him to see that you aren't just another person, but you are God and you will always keep your promises.  Help him to see the value in believing in you and living for you.  Let him make the connection between what he believes and how he lives.  That his faith should change the way he treats people and the love he has for others.

For Katelynn

God, I thank you for Katelynn's uninhibited love for and faith in you.  I thank you that you have protected her from some of the harms her siblings have had to endure. So help her to give herself fully to serving you.  Help her to share her faith with others in a way that expresses you are a God of love and not rules.  I know she doesn't understand everything and she doesn't always remember things correctly, but I pray that her love for you will motivate her to be concerned for those around her and to continue to share your love with them.

Compassion and Understanding

From the Dictionary of Sandra:

Compassion - Seeing people through eyes of love like Jesus does and caring enough to take time to help.

Understanding - Grasping the reason behind someone's actions or reactions. 

Two characteristics that I definitely lack and yet need so badly for the coming days and weeks. I tend to be less than compassionate to people when they don't see things like I do.  I think my patience has become even less with my hormones being all crazy lately.  And understanding goes right with that for me. Over the years I have become quite frustrated with people who won't do what I think they should. Who don't think like me or react like I do.  You would think by now I would have learned to show more grace and compassion, when I don't understand.  God is reminding me that understanding is not approval. God is not asking me to agree with what others do or the motivation behind their actions, but just to try and see things from their perspective and to be okay with people making different choices than I would and to love them anyway. This is so hard for me. I tend to be critical and judge and be impatient instead of showing grace and mercy like God would.

And so I am very aware that I have no choice but to rely on God to change that about me and to give me the compassion I need for the job ahead.

Psalm 86:15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

The only way I know to become more like my God, full of mercy, grace and compassion, who doesn't get angry with me and my imperfections is to spend more time with him. And to realize I can't decide to be more compassionate or understanding or to change my natural tendencies.  I have to let God change me, and I have to always be aware that I need his strength to get to where he needs me to be.  

So lets consider this my homework project, my time of preparation, my focus for the time being. To gain God's compassion and understanding for the days ahead.