Spotlight

So it's been a while since I've shared what God has spoken to me or put on my heart on here.  There are multiple reasons for this, but the main ones include the fact that the readers probably prefer my posts about the kids that include pictures and that I am not always at liberty to share what God is speaking. So, if you want a post about the kids, that is not what this is going to be. I do have a post I want to write and will maybe get to later today that I promise will include at least one picture, so you can come back for that later if you'd like.

As a recap, BJ and I have been teaching our Sunday School class out of Beth Moore's Bible study on the Patriarchs. Sunday was my turn and the story that fell to me is found in Genesis 27:41-45. These few verses talk about how Esau was angry with Jacob and held a grudge against him for stealing his firstborn blessing. While I was putting the lesson together I knew that God had orchestrated this just for me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has pushed down feelings of anger against someone and tried to act like it was okay when in reality I am not okay and I have been just hiding the hurt and anger instead of dealing with it.  As I was teaching this lesson, I became quickly aware of how many of us this lesson resonated with (mainly due to the nodding heads and looks between spouses while I was teaching) . I am not the only one who has tried to act Christian when that person walked in the room when deep down I am angry and I let it fester and boil up inside.

So God was spotlighting me (and others) through this lesson.  Sometimes, we just don't want to deal with our sin, but would rather hide it away and try to avoid the circumstances that make us feel uncomfortable or convicted. Because it's easier.

And we'd rather justify our anger and hurt feelings and rationalize it away instead of admit it is wrong, repent, forgive and move forward. Because it isn't fair how they make us feel or what they did to us. And we deserve to get even, or so we think.

The only problem with that rationale is that harboring our anger doesn't get even with them, but just makes us think we are getting even all the while we are letting the anger fester and the only one who is worse off is us.

So I concluded to ask God to help me forgive and to try and walk in forgiveness by praying for this person everyday and relying on God's strength to get through. (On a side a note, often after God convicts us and we feel God's gentle prodding, our conclusion is that we'll try harder.  Trying harder in our own strength is futile and gets us no where. So we have to resolve to admit we can't do anything on our own and we have to rely on God to help us forgive and get rid of the anger and hurt.)

Last night I was reading through some old notes from sermons and came across this statement - "How we respond to God's word determines how He can pour out His anointing."

So, God, I hear you loud and clear and this time, I am going to follow through and I am going to seek your help and really forgive because I want all of what you have for me.  I'm not going to stop when it gets difficult or uncomfortable. Because being exactly where you want me and being used by you exactly like you want to use me is worth the discomfort as you help me forgive.