Back Again...Kinda

It's been a long while. Life had been life and honestly, the thrill of blogging just isn't what it used to be. I never blogged for other people, but it feels good to get the link to my blog "liked" or for others to leave comments when I post.

Or maybe the hesitation to share what God has been teaching me is due to feeling like not all things are for others to see but are more between He and I. God has definitely still been speaking but in ways that aren't so easy to put into words. I guess I felt convicted of sharing too much in a service which has made me slow down and determine if things should be shared with others or not.

Today I had a friend tell me she enjoys reading my blog and hearing what God is saying to me and I guess it pushed me forward to at least update a little today.

As I reflect on the last year and look forward to the new, there are a few things I'd like to share.

The problem in communication is that we don't listen to understand, we listen to respond.

I think one of the things that causes me the most frustration is when I am misunderstood. I've been told that I don't think like others, that I'm difficult to understand. I am not perfect by any means (saved by the goodness of God and definitely not because I have it all together) but I really wish people would hear what I am saying and not read into it. I really have no desire to hurt people with my words and am generally trying to help others, but I have learned I am too honest. I call it like I see it. I assume that because I would want someone to shoot straight with me that everyone else values honesty that is helpful over flattery that is empty at best. But that isn't true. Many people expect you to sugar coat things and lie rather than be helpful with the truth. And so people manufacture my intentions so that they have a reason to reject what I am saying. And nothing I can tell you will make you change how you feel about me. Defending my honor and my character is so important to me and yet, I can't make someone believe my intentions are generally to help others.

So I have to be okay, apologizing where needed (especially when I feel that I did nothing wrong), and know that if no one else ever gets me, God does. And determine to be a good listener, genuinely trying to understand where others are coming from and not just convince them I'm right.

Our church is going through a transition as our pastor of 32 years is retiring. Tomorrow is his last day. I have mixed emotions. Pray for us please! We are a small church and just want God's will. I know change is hard, but I really want this to be as painless as possible. I know God has a plan. I'm helping fill in some of the services until we get a new pastor. I am on the schedule for Wednesday night Jan 4th.

God has been speaking through me more lately, and I am so honored for Him to choose me. It's made me grow a lot so I am grateful for the stretching hand of God. Even if it's scary sometimes and it is!

We finished our last Christmas celebrations today.

One of my favorite gifts is a Journable for Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, I & II Thessalonians. It is basically a journal that allows space for you to hand write your own copy of Scripture and notes as you go. The thought is to make you slow down and think about each word of the verses and allow God to speak as you write. I'm excited by the thought and ready to get started tomorrow! My mom and sister are doing them too so we can discuss as we go. Pretty interesting idea I think. I'll let you know how it goes.

Really I blog because I think we all need to feel connected to others. Not because we depend on them for our livelihood, but because no one wants to be alone and a little encouragement can go a long way. So hopefully, I'm able to share something that others relate to and that God uses to give others strength to go on another day, trusting God one moment at a time.

In the Middle of the Mess

Today was just one of those days. Everything that could go wrong did.

It started out with the childcare workers at church (including substitutes 3 deep) all being gone for one reason or another. We are both very involved in ministry all day long at church and highly dependant on the nursery to keep our kids. During Sunday School, Seth went to his class and Julia was a distraction in the class we teach (a cute distraction, but a distraction none the less). Pastor found some ladies, who my kids don't know too well to watch them during service, so of course Julia fussed more than usual and I had to give more instruction than usual. My mom had to come get me so they could start worship (I play the piano and made everything late.) The kids did fine, but it's harder to help lead worship without the normal routine, especially for someone as routine driven as I am.

Then the organ wouldn't start. That doesn't personally affect me much, but another thing to trouble shoot. I'm so glad it wasn't mine to fix.

Then I found out my Father in Law was in the hospital with high blood pressure. They gave him meds and he's doing better at home.

Then on the way home at sonic, Seth threw up and threw up and threw up. I didn't have anything to clean him up with. After trying to clean him and his car seat up with his jacket and wipes, I did realize I had a spare set of clothes for him. I stripped him down and went to change his wet underwear (just from throwing up on himself) to realize there was none. I couldn't really get the car seat clean with my limited resources, so I let him ride in the back seat, in his underwear only (his choice) in a seatbelt for the 5 minute drive home. I know that isn't legal, but I just couldn't make him get back in the nasty car seat and get all gross again.

Then I had to clean up his car seat once I got home. That is so much fun!

Then I opened the refrigerator and the rest of Seth's cheesecake fell on the floor. The kitchen was covered in Graham cracker crust.

Then Julia wouldn't take a nap. She's been crying off and on all day. I didn't even try to get Seth to sleep.

And in the middle of what I would consider a messy day and a total failure, God chose to speak to me and use me to minister to others.

If today didn't prove that God's choice has nothing to do with me and my circumstances, and everything to do with him, I'm not sure there will ever be such a day.

Choosing to Serve Rather than be Served.

I'm a little bit of a control freak. Which makes parenting very hard. I've learned that I cannot punish every time they don't live up to my expectations or I lose my peace. So for the sake of my peace (which I cannot afford to lose), I have to pick my battles. Some would say that makes me a push over. I think it makes me smart.

Each of my kids (the big ones) has a chore they are responsible for doing each week. The chores are pretty basic like bathrooms, dishwasher, or trash and they rotate. They are also responsible for their own laundry and keeping their rooms clean.

I don't generally budge on these things and they do mostly well. They know the chores and don't argue about them. Sometimes they forget and I spend more time than I wish reminding them, but they are still kids.

But today after church I decided to serve my kids instead of yelling at them to do their chores. I folded Haley's laundry and put it up, emptied and filled the dishwasher (Katelynns chore this week), and took the trash out (Daniel's chore.) No one asked me to and they were actually all surprised that I did it. And very grateful.

I've been having some battle of the wills regarding obedience and respect and realized arguing and lecturing was not the way to show them how to change. It was only driving us apart. So I chose to follow Jesus's example and show love by serving them. I have no intention of taking over their chores, but every once in a while it doesn't hurt me to step off my throne and show a little love. And it may teach them more than barking out orders ever will.

For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve... Mark 10:45

Review

How many note takers do we have out there? I have notebooks and notebooks of sermon notes that I've taken over the years.

Recently I've started reviewing my notes during my quiet time and it's been awesome! No matter how much time passes, God's word is powerful and it doesn't change. I just wanted to encourage any other note takers to look back through your notes and see if God won't speak to you through his Word.

More Than a Silent Partner

Parenting is tricky, especially as your kids get older. They don't need you in physical ways like to feed them or change them and so they become independent.

And as a parent, I choose to let them be responsible and take care of a lot of things by themselves. I'm more than willing to help, but the times when I feel needed by the big kids are few and far between. (I'm not complaining, because I am definitely still needed by the little ones and that keeps me busy.)

So on Saturday when Haley asked me to play with her hair, I was glad to oblige. I played with her hair for an hour or so and we did funky braids and all sorts of things. Facebook and Pinterest are full of different braids and ideas. When Katelynn got home, she asked me to do her hair as well, so I did that too. Then, last night, Haley asked me to braid her wet hair so it would look curly today.

I love spending time with my girls, even though they are needing me less and less. I guess when they can make good decisions on their own, it is evidence that I've done something right (or of God's power despite my failing efforts.)

Those are Fighting Words

We are in a spiritual battle (unless of course you've already conceded to the enemy of your soul. He doesn't fight you when he's already got you.)

Tonight God brought a couple of old hymns to my mind with some powerful messages and I thought I'd share. Sometimes we all need encouragement and although these songs aren't scripture, they definitely encouraged me and maybe will lift someone else up.

Keep on the Firing Line

You must fight, be brave against all evil.
Never run though foes combine.
If you will fight for God and the right,
Keep on the firing line.

When the Battle's Over We Shall Wear a Crown

When the battle's over we shall wear a crown.
We shall wear a crown. We shall wear a crown.
When the battle's over we shall wear a crown
In the new Jerusalem

(Any RLC people feeling a Buddy beat or a Jericho March coming?)

To me the point is, keep on fighting the devil and don't let him win. It will all be over and the coming of the Lord is sooner than we think. I'm not big on accessories, so the crown doesn't excite me, but the claiming final victory over the devil, now that is something that makes me shout! Praise God! The victory has already been won!

So keep on fighting!! Your victory is guaranteed over the devil!!

School Days

This summer has been a little different than others. We decided to leave the three older kids home alone a few days a week instead of doing daycare. We signed them up for the summer program at Mathnasium which is a drop in program for up to 1 hour per day where they could work on math. Haley did a few months at Mathnasium before, so I knew we really loved the program. Daniel was hesitant at first, but they all were glad we did it and want to go back next summer.

Leaving them at home has required them to mature a little and learn how to resolve conflict on their own. We got phone calls some days, but mostly they did pretty well. The stay at home option was also very low stress on me as I didn't even wake them up on those days and was able to get the littles up and ready pretty quickly without the normal morning conflicts. It also proved that they can stay at home while we run errands or whatever. I always take the littles with me as I'm not comfortable leaving the babies with the bigger kids yet.

This summer we were in limbo, waiting for space to open at the charge school we applied for. None of the kids got in over the summer, so we are in public school until space becomes available.

This year, Haley is riding the bus to and from school. She has to get herself on the bus after we leave and then catch the bus after school. She has been so responsible and is usually early waiting for the bus. She has also been responsible, doing her homework without me hounding her about it, asking for help and really trying to understand when we are helping her. At the middle school level, the babysitting is over and I feel like she really likes being in control of her own work. Obviously, she was in control before, but somehow when people have tried to help in the past she resisted and then would over rely on them instead of taking ownership and doing what was needed to be successful. I am seeing such a change in her. I know we are only one week in, but it is definitely improvement from before. Yesterday, we took the big kids to the eye doctor and Haley is getting glasses to help her astigmatism. Hopefully that makes school easier for her too.

Daniel is doing okay. He always pumps himself up and then is disappointed when school is school. He did say that he loves being a 6th grader, which is the top grade at his school, rather than a "little 5th grader". Choir, the elective he chose, has some of the trouble makers in it, so he doesn't like that. He also doesn't like singing in Latin, but I'm sure that's normal at this age.

Katelynn is riding the bus home from school with her BFF. This is the first year she hasn't been in class with her, so I'm glad they get to ride the bus home together. She has done pretty well with school and doing her homework. I think she likes her teacher and will have a good year.

Julia turns 1 tomorrow. How did that happen? She is sleeping through the night, has 7 teeth and just started walking in the last few days. I'll update more about her after her one year checkup on Sept 1st.

Seth went to the dentist this morning and has 2 cavities he needs fillings for. Poor boy! We are gonna try to get the fillings with only laughing gas and not sedation. Please pray for him and me that everything will go well. His appointment is on October 3rd. This mama is pretty nervous for him (and me). I cried this morning when they told me, so yeah I'm definitely gonna need God to give me strength.

Alright, there is kinda an update for now. It's been a while. I hope to blog more, but it really depends on how life goes. It's busy and there are things I have to do for me and everyone depending on me, so sometimes the blog has to wait.

And God's been showing and teaching me some precious things I just need to savor for now without jumping on the blog to share. When God releases me, I'll share some more.

I do know that God wants to be nearer to his people than ever before, so seek him and he will speak to you, reveal his heart to you, and you will be amazed by his great love.

The Big Three Four

Another year has come and gone for me. At this point in life, birthdays really aren't a big deal and the celebration is minimal (even though Seth really wanted us to wear party hats). And a new year gives me reason to reflect and I've come to one conclusion: I am really happy and I'm in a really good place right now.

My part time job is really allowing me to be the mom I want to be. I am able to cook dinner most days and just feel more in charge of my evening and time with my family rather than the evening being so stressful and running away from me and causing my organized, perfectionist self feel like a failure. Oh, it is far from perfect and I still overreact and gripe about silly things, but I'm actually enjoying being a mom and wife.

Julia is at a pretty good stage right now, sleeping through the night and is generally more easy going than Seth was at this age. She also is more mobile, which makes life an adventure, but she is also able to go where she wants and I think that makes her generally happier and less frustrated.

It's summer time, which also is nice, since I don't have to try and manage homework times three right now. Each year, the kids are learning to be more in charge of their homework and although I still have to be hands on which each of them, I'm hoping for a little more independence and personal responsibility from them this year. But for the next 2.5 weeks, home life is nice.

Seth is potty trained (except for night time) so that is also so nice. Granted he has accidents from time to time, the stressful part of that process is over for now.

I am weeks away from Julia's introduction to cows milk and the end of my pumping breastmilk at work and I am so excited. Nursing is so much easier when my work day isn't controlled so much by the clock and whether I need to pump again.

This summer my older kids stayed home a couple of days a week, which allowed them to gain some independence and responsibility. It also makes going into a school year with three different schools a whole lot less stressful. The girls are going to bus home from school which will give me some more leeway with my work hours since I feel like I can trust them at home alone.

Spiritually speaking, I feel like I'm kinda in a holding pattern. And that's okay. I was feeling really frustrated earlier this week with things I'm seeing and just what's going on in my life and God spoke very clearly to me. I need to keep my eyes on God, and not what's going on, and get myself ready so that when opportunities I've been praying for open up, I will be ready. I thought, yeah, I can do that. It's so easy to loose focus or start the comparison game and neither one of those things are good for me. I don't know why I let others bother me. Guess the devil just knows where to tempt me. So for now, I will focus on God and letting him lead my steps. He is faithful and he will take care of me if I keep spending time with him.

Love is good because God is good!

No Time Like the Present

Let me start with a huge disclaimer: I am a planner by nature. I look ahead and prepare for what I think will or could happen, so living in the moment is not what I do naturally.

But I feel God saying to me: Go! Do! Be! And don't wait until the time is perfect, because you will always find a reason today isn't the day and later will be better. And while you are reasoning away opportunities, life will pass you by. And all you'll have is a bunch of "shoulda" "coulda" "woulda"s.

Unless later is defined, it quickly turns into never. Because life is busy and time flies. If your actions aren't intentional, you are left with a life of reaction, where your life is made of ripples, created by the waves others are making around you. And you never find that time to do what you were created for, to step up and be the catalyst that controls your life movement  (as much as we control whether we are living according to God's will and he chooses to use us in his plan.)

So don't wait until tomorrow! Choose to obey, move, go today and see if God won't honor your obedience.

Joyful Obedience.

Psalm 119:1-2 Joyful are people...who follow the instruction if the Lord. Joyful are those who obey his laws.

A big part of our human nature is the desire to do things our way. Even from a young age, we are unhappy when we have to share a toy or do anything anyone wants us to do that is different than what we would choose. 

So how can obedience to instruction given by someone else or laws written by another makes us joyful people?

Because God's way is better and brings blessings when our way, at its best, is futile. And it takes some maturity to realize that someone, anyone else could possible know what is better for us than us.

I also think that obeying God brings joy the way a child is carefree and joyful. When we obey and trust someone else to handle it, we live by faith, without stress and worry, without the burden of making things turn out as they should. Kids don't worry about if the bills are paid, parents do. Kids don't worry about having and keeping a job to provide for the family, parents do. In the same way, giving up our control, as hard as that is, and really trusting that God will handle it all if we will just trust him enough to obey him when he speaks brings joy.

Oh for grace to trust him more.

Celebrate Freedom

I am so thankful to live in America and Texas (aka the "Bible belt"). I am aware that our freedoms were purchased with many lives and words can never express my gratitude to those persons who gave their lives and families who gave their loved ones so that I could be free to choose Jesus and free to worship and free from the control of other countries who do not value personal freedoms.

But I am also celebrating freedom in Christ today. I don't have to be controlled by sin any longer because I have accepted his sacrifice, the price Jesus paid with his blood for my sins. I don't have to live in fear of death or hell as my sins were paid for and heaven is my eternal home. I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus which gains me access to the very throne room of heaven where I can communicate with God and he speaks to me. I am thankful that I am not bound by a sacred religion that requires perfection from me but am free because of the grace and mercy of Jesus. And I refuse to take that mercy for granted. Jesus is the lover of my soul and I am so grateful he loved me first. Even when I am at my worst, when I am unloveable from all human standards, he loves me and accepts me. And he has given me a freedom in life to serve him that surpasses anything words can even begin to depict.

And if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed. John 8:36

Accomplished

The first night without the baby monitor was unsuccessful. I was still up every 4 hours because the silly monitor vibrated each time she moved. In the middle of the night in my sleep deprived state was not the time to try and figure out the stupid vibration setting so I just endured.  The next night before bed I turned off the vibration and have been sleeping all night since. I honestly don't know if Julia is sleeping all night but I do know I'm not feeding her in the middle of the night so I feel accomplished. Sleep has been heavenly!

I don't know if it just took one night for her to figure it out, but at the same time she has finished teething for now and has 4 pearly whites to prove it. She is happier and sleeping and eating better and so am I (sleeping not eating).

Although I do tend to celebrate my successes and ignore my failures as a parent(who doesn't), my parenting and children are far from perfect. People tell me that I look like I've got it all together. I have so got y'all fooled. By the grace of God we survive. Yes, I stress about silly things and overreact and make threats I can't fulfill. Yes I am learning everyday and choosing which battles to fight and which to ignore.  I too have read those blogs that make everything seem perfect and make me feel like a failure as a parent. Don't let this blog be one of them.

Day by day, step by step, we as parents do what we think is right for our kids. We win some, we lose some. This is the life of a parent. The life God has blessed us with.

And today I feel accomplished.

Accomplished

The first night without the baby monitor was unsuccessful. I was still up every 4 hours because the silly monitor vibrated each time she moved. In the middle of the night in my sleep deprived state was not the time to try and figure out the stupid vibration setting so I just endured.  The next night before bed I turned off the vibration and have been sleeping all night since. I honestly don't know if Julia is sleeping all night but I do know I'm not feeding her in the middle of the night so I feel accomplished. Sleep has been heavenly!

I don't know if it just took one night for her to figure it out, but at the same time she has finished teething for now and has 4 pearly whites to prove it. She is happier and sleeping and eating better and so am I (sleeping not eating).

Although I do tend to celebrate my successes and ignore my failures as a parent(who doesn't), my parenting and children are far from perfect. People tell me that I look like I've got it all together. I have so got y'all fooled. By the grace of God we survive. Yes, I stress about silly things and overreact and make threats I can't fulfill. Yes I am learning everyday and choosing which battles to fight and which to ignore.  I too have read those blogs that make everything seem perfect and make me feel like a failure as a parent. Don't let this blog be one of them.

Day by day, step by step, we as parents do what we think is right for our kids. We win some, we lose some. This is the life of a parent. The life God has blessed us with.

And today I feel accomplished.

Adoption - 4 Years Later

I saw a Wednesday's child clip this week about a sibling group of 3 boys who are looking for a kind family to adopt them together. They talked about how happy they would be to be able to stay together and they just need someone to love them.

For a split second I felt like adopting them all. I actually cried. And then I realized I already have. Oh, the TV clips are so deceiving and so easily allow you to idealize what it will be like to bring three new kids into your family. How nice and polite they will be and how sweet they will respond to you, even when they have to be disciplined. (ha!) But you have to remember, you are still choosing to be a parent, and parenting is not all sunshine and roses. For any parent.

It is so easy to lose perspective. We are coming up on 4 years since the finalization of the adoption of our three kiddos.  I forgot how I initially felt when we saw my kids' pictures (both times). How my heart hurt for the things they had to endure and how I wanted so badly to come rescue them and love them the way they deserved to be loved.  I forgot about the excitement of being chosen to be their parents.  The way Katelynn stayed close by my side during the visits and wanted me to carry her. She was the most shy and scared initially. Daniel and Haley were trying to impress us with their toys and skills. How they openly showed they needed us with constant hugs and thank you's. They wanted us to parent them, to pick them (for lack of a better term). And we wanted a family.

And God chose to put us all together.

Oh, I'm so grateful for his divine plan. For giving me a family and giving them a home. It's so easy to get stuck in the yuck of life and forget that there is a purpose. That God put them here. That he gave them to us. The most precious gifts. And I love them so much! Even when they don't want to obey and don't run to me with thank yous and gratitude. I still love them and need them and want them.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but it definitely gives you a glimpse of how our heavenly father feels about us. We were each adopted into his family. Now, sometimes, we act like spoiled rotten children and want to do things our own way, but he still chose us, knowing there would be days like that. Desiring to provide for us as only he can (even if we won't let him). So today I choose to feel grateful. For the adoption of my physical children into my family and our adoption into God's family.

Friend, you are loved and cherished and wanted!

 

Off the Grid

Tonight I am turning off the baby monitor and going to sleep. Last night I went to bed in time to get 8 hours of sleep and was woken up 4 times by Julia. She didn't eat every time, but she would fuss and I'd get up to put her pacifier back in and go back to bed.

Between teething and me being inconsistent with evening feedings, although she generally goes 4 hours between feedings at night, I am getting up twice to feed her usually.  And there is just no reason for that. I actually went back to look and see when I started sleeping without a baby monitor for Seth and I can't find it. I was reassured to know his crazy sleeping and eating schedule was in full force at about this age too. Since it's summer time and I'm not as concerned about the kids sleep as during school (sorry guys) now is as good as time as any for Julia to figure out how to put herself back to sleep when she wakes up and it isn't time to eat, or maybe even to stretch out her eating at night. And if she is hungry she will make sure I know it and I'll wake up anyways.

Reading back in old blog posts about Seth, I was glad to note that in general Julia's sleeping is going better than Seth did. At some point he starting sleeping with us for part of the night when he was sick. I think Julia has only also with us for one night ever, so that's improvement. I guess I'm not as much of a push over as I thought. Seth was also super clingy to me at this age and teething at this age.

Speaking of teething, Julia's third tooth came in and the fourth will soon follow.

I have been kinda hard on myself for not blogging as much lately, but I've decided that's okay. Instead of blogging about my life with my great family, I am living it and am proud of myself for that. I wouldn't mind having some more things documented, but catching up is a killer. Maybe I'll blog some in the next week or maybe not. I am determined to scrapbook our upcoming vacation (with the girls help if they want to) before the end of the summer. I can go back and catch up later, but really want to keep the current stuff done within a reasonable time afterward.

Oh and Julia is 17lbs7oz and 27 inches long at about 9.5 months old. She wears size 9-12 months so she is right on size. She loves pulling up on things and chooses to move around by scooting on her bottom rather than crawling. She also puts everything in her mouth. These two things combined make me have to baby proof my house more and keep my eyes on her. She is the sweetest smiliest little girl and brings us so much joy!

Be a leader, not a Follower

As a parent, you go through each day, imparting words of wisdom to your kids (or lecturing depending on your perspective) hoping, praying they will take hold of some nugget of truth and run with it.

I don't really know when my morning peptalk turned from "please make good choices" and "can we make it through one day without a phone call?" to "be a leader, not a follower," but that one phrase seems to be sinking in. I didn't really know I changed my tune, but now that I'm seeing some changes, I know it was a God thing. The girls were even telling their horses on Saturday to be leaders and not followers by not taking a snack break when they were supposed to be walking. I guess that's when I realized they have been listening.

Unfortunately our public schools are filled with kids who follow the crowd and not in a positive way and my kids are struggling to find their way (obviously some schools more than others). I'm not sure when doing the right thing made you the minority, but that is what I see as a parent. It's disappointing at best.

On that same note, we are applying to get the kids in a public charter school next year where there will hopefully be less negative influences and more positive. The one we are looking at was founded by a SAGU former professor and has some SAGU alumni in their administration and faculty. I really feel like this is where my kids need to be, so I'm praying for favor in the application process and for available space in each of their grades. God knows where they need to be, so I trust him to make a way if this is it.

Awakens

Your love is greater, your love is stronger, your love awakens awakens awakens me. ~Phil Wickham

Ever been asleep spiritually? Feel like your life is on pause? In a rut? Stuck? I'm sure we all have at some time in our lives.

Well God wants you awake, alive, and not just coasting through life as it comes at you.

Because although sleeping people aren't dead, they aren't productive or successful either.

I fully understand that being asleep is easier than dealing with the devil and fighting when he attacks. I also know for those same reasons the devil wants us to be asleep as long as possible. We have to resist the urge to just barely get by spiritually.

God wants you, needs you, awake and alive so his purposes can be fulfilled on earth as it is in heaven.

So He sends his love to wake you up. Not His condemnation or judgement because he's seen us sleeping when we should have been awake, but His love.

And honesty, our time to live awake and make an impact for the kingdom is now! No more sleeping! Time to rise and shine!

Rainy Mornings

I'm laying here in my bed listening to the rain hit my windows. I just love the rain. It makes me want to stay inside with a good book or take a long nap. Something about the rain brings peace and refreshing to my soul. It encourages me to slow down the busyness of life and just enjoy being still for a little while.

And the rain brings with it changes. A change of weather or atmosphere. A cleaning out of the old and growth of the new.

We are in the midst of some changes ourselves around here. We are in the process of applying for the kids to attend a public charter school in the fall. The idea of this specific charter has come up a few times recently from different people, so we decided to go for it and pray for God to open doors if this is where they need to be. I'm trying to get them somewhere where they can be more successful and school will not be such a struggle for them.  I think they'll each benefit from a different atmosphere, smaller class size, and different set of peers. They each struggle in different ways, so if we can get in and if it helps one of them, it will be worth it. Besides, if it doesn't work out, they can always go back to public school. I figure it can't hurt to try and am praying God will lead us in this.

I am not someone who enjoys change, so when I want to explore change for them, you know God must be working. Ha!

Right now, I just am ready for the summer. The kids are going to spend some time at Mathnasium this summer to help them gain some confidence in math and solidify some math concepts before the new school year begins. I'm doing that instead of daycare for a month.

Whatever changes come with the new school year (whether the normal new year changes or a totally new school system) I know God will be with us and them as we navigate whatever God has for us.

Forfeit

Forfeit - the act of giving up, usually motivated by ones belief in the impossibility of winning under the current circumstances.

Today I have had the hymn "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" running through my head. Mainly the line that says oh, what peace we often forfeit...all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

How often do we voluntarily give up our peace as a result of the circumstances we find ourselves in? Jesus promised us his peace in the middle of the troubles of this world and yet, often we expect our peace to come from outside of us rather than from within, where the peace giver lives. And so our circumstances dictate our ability to have peace.

This is not what Jesus intended. He promised that we would have troubles in this world and that he would be our peace in the storm.

If I'm being quite honest, the circumstances I am dealing with right now are not pleasant. At all. But I am choosing to have peace. Because Jesus has promised to provide it.

Mother's Day Musings

I remember what it was like to want to be a mom and be childless. I remember being honored at church as a "spiritual mom" to many when I had no children of my own. And although it was a nice idea to not leave anyone out, being the one woman honored without any kids of her own seemed to draw attention to my lack.

And I cried and prayed and acted like it didn't bother me (all in the cycle of emotions at different times.) I tried to stay busy and distracted. Often times, I really was okay, finding my firm footing on the Rock of Jesus and was able to stand, for a little while, until another month would roll by or another person (with totally good intentions) would give advice on how to get pregnant.

All that to say I have been there. I do understand what that is like. And I am so grateful for one of the hardest times in my life, because God had to teach me to trust him. I have definitely not arrived now, nor am I perfect at trusting him, but I do know God knows what he is doing, especially when he won't indulge me with the details I long for.

And then all of the sudden (which didn't seem so suddenly until it happened) I am a mother of 5 great kids. (How did 4.5 years fly by so fast?) And I am a mother in the trenches in every sense of the word. It is not always fun, but I am careful to not forget where I came from. What I endured to get here. That God brought me to this place. And that even on the toughest days, these kids are a blessing, all of them, and God uses them to teach me so many things about myself and his plan (mainly things I don't want to admit I tend to do wrong).

God knew. He always knows how things will turn out.

And he still knows how things will turn out. I still have a lot of questions about my kids. As a mom, I want to do what is best for them, and honestly, I don't know what that is most of the time. We struggle together and with God's grace His plans will come to fulfillment in their lives. In my life. In our family.

Misplaced Hope

A few weeks ago I had a friend express concern about the wickedness of the world we live in. He stated that the more he studied God's word, the more what is going on around him bothered him and made him discontent with

It got me thinking. I think over time Christians have become too calloused or apathetic to what is going on around us. We've kind of accepted things as they are and started getting comfortable here.

The truth of God's word is that we as Christians should be frustrated and discontent with the wickedness going on around us. We shouldn't turn a blind eye but should feel out of place, should be aware and be unsettled with it all. This world is not our home. We aren't like the unsaved (or shouldn't be). We don't fit in. Jesus told us we wouldn't.

But we also can't let the evil around us make us feel hopeless. Our hope isn't in people or things of this world but in the One who is returning to get us out of this mess. Praise God!

Psalm 42:11
Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again-
my Savior and my God!

God's Desires

Lord, show me your desires and let them become my desires too.

We've recently started a study on prayer in our Sunday School class and it has been so timely for me. I've learned so much or maybe just was reminded of things I hadn't thought about in a while.

As a parent, I would say my main ongoing prayers are for my kids. I have so many things I want for them. They are all good things and all according to God's word and general will. But I feel like sometimes, I get so caught up praying for what I want to happen or what I think should take place that I don't seek out and ask God what he wants for them so that I can pray according to his will and not my desires.

In reality, any desire that I have for my kids apart from God's is selfish of me. And convincing God to see things my way or take my suggestion isn't what prayer is about at all.

God wants his will to be accomplished in earth by his power. Prayer doesn't change God's will, but changes our will and desires to what God wants. Then we can pray according to his will and he can use our prayers to accomplish what he desires to do already.

The other thing that really stuck out to me this week is that God is a big picture God. Sometimes it seems like God's will is not accomplished in certain situations in our lives. When that happens, we need to keep our eyes open to see what happens next because God will is being accomplished on a bigger scale than we look at.

God, thank you for choosing to use the prayers of your people to accomplish your plans on earth! Help us get in line with you and pray your desires into reality in us!

Good

When life is unpredictable
God is good.
When I don't understand what's happening
God is good.
When I can't see the next step to take
God is good.
Well all doors seem closed
God is good.
When I know God must be speaking but I can't hear him
God is good.

Because my perception and feelings and thoughts don't for one minute change the goodness of God.

While my emotions change on a dime, God is constant and he is good. That is why He must become greater in me and I must become less.

Family Update

We have some fun new things going on that I should probably document just so I have it in the future.

First, Haley played a clarinet solo for a competition and scored a 1. We are so proud of her. The sad thing is that we have/she has decided to drop band for next year and try athletics. Since school isn't the easiest thing for my kids, I try to be realistic in my expectations and not let my kids over-commit themselves. So I made her choose for next year.

Speaking of middle school athletics, Thursday of this week Haley has an overall conditioning clinic at Coble and then I have a mandatory parents meetings immediately following. We went and bought her some nice running shoes and athletic clothes in preparation for next year. She has pretty small feet (size 5) which allowed me to get the largest size of kids shoes and save $20 or so.

Katelynn also started an 8 week dance class/lesson last Friday. She has been begging to try dance and I found a Christian dance studio in Mansfield about 15 minutes from my house. My hesitation has always been that a lot of dance studios tend to make little girls dance sexy or wear sexy costumes. I hope that with a Christian dance studio I won't have to deal with that as much. The first sentence on the front page of their website says:

The Dance Academy of Mansfield equips each student to be a positive witness for Christ, as well as reaching their full potential as dancers.

I think this will be a good place for her to try dance and decide if its something she enjoys and determine if it is something she is good at or not.

6 Months and 7 months

So obviously I am doing a horrible job of keeping up with my monthly posts about Julia, so once again, you are getting 2 months at once.

At 6 months (more like 6.5) she weighed 15 pounds 14 ounces, and was 26 inches long. This puts her in the 40-50th percentile for everything and a smaller head. That is such the opposite for Seth. I keep saying this, but I am so amazed how two babies can be so different. God is so creative. Think about it. I have no idea how many people have been born ever but no 2 of them are exactly the same (except if they are twins). It just amazes me how many different ways that DNA can be rearranged and make each of us unique.

She is wearing size 6-9 months and can fit some bigger depending on what it is. I have a hard time fitting her feet because she has fat/tall feet but they aren't long. The 1s fit if the shoe is tall enough and wide enough, but shoes that are sized by age never fit correctly. My biggest fit issues is socks and shoes, but since she isn't walking yet, I'm not too worried about it. I did manage to get cute church sandals for her the other day when I was buying dance shoes for Katelynn and Julia was with us. I've about decided I can't buy shoes for Julia unless she is with me.

At 6 months she had tried more food and really liked everything she's tried. I would guess she probably prefers fruit to veggies, but what baby doesn't. She had started babbling quite a bit and drooling more, so I expected teeth soon. She has also started moving around a lot. She isn't crawling, more like rolling and scooting where she wants to go. And she is usually happy on the ground moving about the house. I think she'll be crawling soon, but she hasn't been able to pull up onto her knees yet so we will see. Seth never crawled, so I am kinda enjoying this roll everywhere, roaming the house stage. Seth went straight to standing up soon after this time and was walking at 11 months.

At a little after 7 months, Julia got her first tooth and has since got her second tooth within of about 10 days of each other. They are the bottom center teeth. She has also recently decided to be more of a mama's girl. Until now, she would pretty much go to anyone but now, if I'm in the room, she has to be near me. I really want her to get over this. Once I'm out of sight she does better. I think if she was my first child I may worry more about it, but it doesn't bother me really. I just feel bad for whomever is watching her and am not really good about knowing when to rescue her/them and when to let her cry it out.

Our routine is such that I usually go with Seth to put him to bed while BJ stays down stairs with crying Julia. He gets her to sleep while I am in the shower. I come downstairs to her asleep, wake her up to feed her again about 10 and then go to bed.

She's also started waking up in the middle of the night to eat again. She went such a long stretch (from about 2 months to 6) sleeping all night, so it's really a bummer she's waking up again. I think it may be related to her teething. She seems to be eating less more often (which is sad for a nursing mama) but we will survive this too. I had almost forgotten that as soon you seem to have a routine, babies grow and change again.

She is super adaptable to whatever is going on now that she's eating food. I do still generally nurse her every 4 hours during the day, but she can usually go an additional 30 minutes to an hour (or eat a little earlier) if the schedule would make that easier (dropping off/picking up kids at events).

Time is going by fast and I'm just trying to enjoy every moment.

Songs for the Kiddos

When Seth was little, I wrote him a little song and would sing it to him to make him happy when he was fussy or getting his diaper changed or whatever. Haley asked me to write her a song about the same time and I just never got around to it.

Well since Julia was born I have also written her a song. None of these are anything big really, but just something catchy and easy to remember.

So I've felt kinda bad because I haven't written little songs for the big kids. Honestly, when are you with your 12 year old trying to entertain her and keep her from crying? Never. So the songs for them have not really been necessary.

This week, Seth, who had no idea I had not made up songs for the big kids, asked me to sing Haley, Daniel, and Katelynn's songs. So I obliged and made up songs for them on the fly. Just for the sake of documenting, here are the lyrics for the kids songs.

Haley

H is for the way you help me

A is for the awesome women you'll be

L for oh so lovely

E for extra extra funny

Y, yes you're the girl for me.

Daniel

Daniel, Daniel he's our man. If he can't do it no one can. 

He's so strong, he's so smart, he really is a work of art.

Daniel, Daniel he's our man. If he can't do it no one can.

Katelynn

K A T, that spells kat

L Y (why) because she loves me

N N she's my friend. Katelynn is my friend.

Seth

S is for super boy

E is for extraordinary

T is for talks to me

H is for happy happy

Seth, Seth S E T H Seth.

I love my boy and he loves me. S E T H Seth

Julia

Julia Julia she's my girl

Julia Julia loves to twirl

Julia Julia she's so fun

Julia you're the one.

Dismissed

This past week we had Haley's ARD/IEP meeting at school. If you aren't in the special education world, this is the annual meeting where accommodations are evaluated for their effectiveness and an education plan in put in place for the next 12 months.

I normally dread these meetings and have been known to leave feeling either frustrated or hopeless and in tears. I know it's just a part of getting Haley the help she needs, if any, but it is so hard being a parent and trying to make the best decision for your kids without knowing the result of each different tactic until it is tried. But this meeting was different.

Haley has been dismissed from Special Education because she doesn't need the help any more. Praise God! Now it is all on her shoulders. We (the teachers and I) are confident she can do well if that's what she decides to do. The vice principal has high hopes for her! I just hope her being more in the general education population will give her better opportunities and different choices for friends. I'm looking forward to the future!

Strength

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Saturday, I was sitting at work and I was mad. About situations. About things that are happening to me without my consent ( I guess we would just call it life in general.)

And the Holy Spirit spoke to me. It was more like a knife to the gut.

When you choose to be mad and angry instead of living in my joy, you are choosing to be weak instead of strong.

Who consciously chooses to be weak when strength is close by? I guess I do, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

If only we would partake in all God intends for us, our lives would be very different.

Just a thought.

Gracious and Compassionate

For the LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love. Psalm 145:8

As we travel this Christian journey, I feel like we hold onto a certain part of God's character more than others. There was a time in my life when I focused on the faithfulness of God. Right now, I keep coming back to this verse in Psams. Every time I start to pray my mind comes back to this verse and I find myself thanking God for being compassionate and gracious.

Maybe it's because it is hard for me to be compassionate. It isn't in my nature, especially if I feel like the person is being irresponsible or making bad choices that are putting them in the place that requires my compassion. I expect people to have common sense and try everything they can to help themselves before sharing their story and asking for help from others. I don't like people who are always the victim. All that to say I am probably the opposite of compassionate. And yet God is compassionate towards me when I mess things up.

I have a temper. I blow up when I shouldn't and have to ask for forgiveness often. I put expectations on others that they can't meet and then I'm mad when they don't measure up. I get mad when I don't measure up. And then I feel bad for not being more patient like I want others to be with me. But God is slow to anger.

My love is tough love a lot. I'm not really a touchy feely huggy kind. But I love hugs and need a gentle touch from time to time. I'm just not usually the one to initiate. And I make people feel unloved because I tend to show my love by telling it like it is. But God is abounding in love toward me even when I feel unloveable.

When I compare myself to him, I know that I have a long way to go. I'm so glad he doesn't give up on my and all my failings.

Out of the Whirlwind

Job 38:1 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said...

Ever been in a storm? I think the loudest place you can be during a hail storm is in a car. I remember one time when Bj and I were dating and we got caught in his car when the heavens opened up and the rain started pouring down. And then the hail started hitting the car. Although we were sitting next to each other in his GrandAm, we could hardly hear what the other was saying. It was loud!

I know I hear a lot about being still before God and letting him speak, but today this verse reminded me that God can speak to us from the middle of the whirlwind when nothing in our lives is still or quiet.

And that's where I am right now. Everything is loud and busy and unsettled.

And I believe He'll yell over the storm if he has to in order to let us know He's with us and hasn't left us. Scripture tells us he kinda likes to show up in storms. To tell us not to fear. To push us to trust him and get out of the boat. To catch us when our faith wavers and we find ourselves sinking.

I looked back a few verses to see if I could find out anymore about Job's storm and didn't see any indication of a physical storm. I wonder if this whirlwind was an emotional turmoil Job was going through. He'd done nothing wrong and yet his friends accused him of sins he didnt commit. His reputation was being drug through the dirt and as much as he tried, Job had a hard time understanding the reason for the struggles he was facing. And God was silent as Job just had to trust God without hearing any confirmation he was still there.

And then God spoke.

There are 2 chapters full of God reminding Job of His almighty power. Verse after verse describing how big God is and how little Job is/we are in comparison. Job had no reason to worry if God was big enough to meet his needs. Wondering if God would really be the God Job knew so well, even in the storm.

Yes, even in the storm, God is big enough. Big enough to restore Job and his possessions double. And big enough to handle whatever whirlwind I find myself in, too!

Condemned in His Presence

The devil sure is brave. He is not scared to come right into the midst of where God is moving to distract and discourage.  I suppose he has great success or he wouldn't waste his time there. I think that at church, we often let our guard down and become vulnerable before God and the devil wants to take advantage of that moment.

Sunday morning as I was sitting at the piano, God's presence was so strong. I was near a young man that God was speaking to and I could literally feel the presence of God radiating from him.

And just like that the devil started whispering lies to me. "Your kids will never be like that. Too bad." At first, I started to let myself feel defeated, but as quick as he spoke I recognized his tactics and moved my focus back on to how great God is and the devil and those feelings left. I actually started singing, "you're all I need. Jesus, your all I need" and I was right back in the thick of God's presence and purpose for that moment.

How many times have we let the devil get in our head even as God is speaking and moving? We let him distract. We let him discourage. Any time spent dwelling on the lies he speaks to us is too much.

I wonder how many times the devil puts thoughts in our minds at church and we mistake the sly ways of the devil for God speaking. We confuse condemnation with conviction. We don't have to put up with His lies. We don't have to accept them. We don't have to hear them.

We have got to have a plan for when he tries to throw a wrench in God's plan. My plan is to 1-not give his lies a moment in my thoughts and 2-always go back to what God has said, because God's words are truth and never change.

Music Memory UIL

Over the weekend, Katelynn competed in music memory UIL. I had never heard of such a thing. She came home and wanted to participate, so since she is doing well in school, I gave her permission.

Saturday morning, we got up and took the long 3 minute drive to Timberview. Her event was at 8:30 so we left the house at 8 to give us time to figure out where we needed to be.

She didn't place, but I think she enjoyed it and will be better prepared for next year or in case she gets asked to participate again.

After their group went back to the competition rooms (we weren't able to watch), I got the chance to meet and talk to one of her friend's moms. This happens to be the little girl who has been in class with Katelynn since kindergarten and lives in our neighborhood, 2 blocks over.

I hear about Macayla all the time! Apparently, Misty hears about Katelynn all the time as well.

I'm ashamed to say that this is the first parent I've met. I have every intention of meeting more parents so I feel safe letting them go to other kids houses, but it just doesn't happen. (Do I need to remind you that I have 5 kids?) I never really had friends from school that I did things with outside of school. My free time was usually spent with the church kids. But my kids don't even have kids at church to pick from really, so its nice for Katelynn to have a friend in our neighborhood!

I'm Proud of You!

A few weeks back I visited with an friend I've known my whole life who I hadn't seen in a while. When we were saying goodbye he left me with this, "If I haven't told you, I'm proud of you."

It struck me kind of funny. Why would you leave someone with this thought? Not that it's bad or negative, but just different.

My reflection has led me to wonder what I have done that is worthy of that thought. Is it the kids and adoption? Or the fact I've stayed close to God and not strayed away?

Maybe from the outside looking in, I appear to have done something big or difficult in my life. Something that has led me to the place I find myself.

I've just done the only thing I could do in every situation. I've done what I thought was best and tried to depend on God.  (With many mistakes along the way).

But whatever was to my gain, I consider loss.  I consider everything loss compared to the greatness of knowing him, for whose sake I have lost all things.

Proud Mama

Every day I realize a little more that my babies are growing up. And although everything we try to teach them doesn't always show, every once in a while something sticks with them.

Today I want to brag on Haley. Last Sunday we had a young lady at church who shared about her upcoming mission trip to Asia. Pastor felt led to get pledges during service toward her trip cost. We have always been big on giving as God has spoken to us, but never to make a big deal about it or get noticed.

While this was going on Haley got my attention and wanted to pledge $40 of her allowance money toward the trip. She was too shy to speak up, so I did it for her. My kids are generally very compassionate and want to be helpful, so I thought maybe she had decided to use her money because she wanted to be helpful. (That is a good thing too.) But after church she told me God told her to give and she needs to obey. I love that my kids are learning to hear God. I'm so proud of her!

One of the benefits of their hard start is that they aren't shy or intimidated to do what they think is right. Yes, there are downfalls to that, but it also means that as they serve God they won't be scared to stand up for him.

And while we are on Haley, I wanted to report that she is passing all of her classes. That girl can do anything she puts her mind to. Love her so much!

On the growing front, I officially concede that she is taller than me. I think she still tries to put her head on my shoulder when she gives me a hug so it feels funny with her bending down to hug me. I had to go buy junior size pants and jeans so they would be long enough for her legs. She's only 12!And if I do say so myself, she is such a pretty girl.

Heavenly Hymns

Blessed Savior, thou will guide us
'Til we reach that blissful shore
Where the angels wait to join us
In thy praise forever more.

We used to sing hymns at church every week until our song leader started getting sick. Bro. Buddy has since stopped coming and I really am starting to miss those hymns.  I often find myself singing old hymns in my car on the way to and from work.

Today, I was singing the chorus above (which I had no idea was from Life's Railway to Heaven until I googled not to make sure I was singing it correctly). Just had heaven on my mind a lot lately.

A couple things spoke to me:

God is guiding us every day until we get to heaven. A guide is someone who shows you the way to go, leads you, going ahead of you through the same path to follow. But a guide doesn't force you to follow him. You get to choose whether you will follow the path shown to you or go your own way.  How many times have I forged ahead of my guide, doing what I thought was best, only to learn I was just making my journey more difficult? And how frustrated am I with my own children when I try to guide them and they don't want to follow?

I'm so grateful God is patient with me as I arrogantly lead myself instead of letting him be my guide!

The angels in heaven are waiting to join us in praise to our Savior. We aren't joining them, they are joining us. Because Jesus isn't their Savior. They don't need saving. They aren't whose worship God is waiting for, longing for. But our worship is special to God. Coming from a heart of gratitude and appreciation for His sacrifice. From a heart of love. A place of sincere thanks.

We miss a lot when we ignore hymns. Don't get me wrong, hymns aren't scripture, but there are definitely some truths that we can only see if we go back and look.

Ambition

If there is one thing I have learned in my many years (okay, only 4.5) of parenting it is this: You can't teach ambition.

You can try and convince your kids of the benefits of being motivated and driven to do their best. Of how awesome it feels to work hard at something and accomplish it. Of how much less stressed life is when you finish what needs to be done before wasting time or even BEFORE it is required (gasp).

And you can't convince others to do things with excellence just because it feels good. And you can't punish them into it either. (Groan...)

But every once in a while, out of the blue (and probably because God is smiling down on you in that moment) a child decides, on their own, to reach for the stars and actually work towards meeting their goals.

This time it was Daniel. This morning he decided he needed to study. Not because he has a test coming or didn't understand something his teacher went over in class. But just because he wants to do better. His goal is straight As. He pulled out his workbook that I bought them for this past summer so he could work on whatever after he finished his homework. I talked to him about dividing his goal into smaller more attainable steps so he could feel accomplished and not get disappointed and quit if it was taking too long and he still didn't have straight As. I think he's good with that. Hopefully he can keep his attitude in a good place and his motivation up!

And even if this is short lived, I know that he can come back to this place if he chooses.  And when I'm frustrated, I want to remember this day. As proof that God can give ambition and motivation because I most certainly can't force it into them.

4 Months and 5 Months

The last month has been sort of a whirl wind, so I haven't gotten a chance to post Julia's monthly update.  Well, that and the fact that her appointment wasn't until the second week of January and I wanted to have her stats to post.

At her 4 month check up, Julia weighed 13 pounds 14 ounces and was 24 inches long and her head was 15.55 inches around. For comparison sake, this puts her percentiles at 43%, 26% and 7%, respectively. Seth was always so tiny with a huge head and it looks like Julia is going to be pretty average with a smaller than average head. It's so funny how different two kids can be. I kid that by the time she is 18 months old or so, she will be the same size as Seth. He is currently in a size 2T pant (for the height since he has to have adjustable waste almost fully adjusted) and weighs only 27 pounds. He is THREE!  But they are both healthy, so no complaints here. It's just fun to compare.

At 4 months she started smiling and cooing more. She also set a pretty good schedule of two naps and enjoyed more awake time during the day. I just love her chunky legs and arms and sweet little face. She has enjoyed her Bumbo and being able to sit up some. She also was drooling a lot. I suppose she'll get start getting teeth soon. Seth didn't have teeth until about 9 months. I am not looking forward to getting bit by her when she is nursing.  Ouch!

She still sleeps through the night mostly (wakes up usually about 4:30 or 5 after eating being woke up to eat at about 10 each night).

At her 4 month appointment they told us we could start feeding her food, one veggie at a time and then one fruit at a time until we make it through everything, giving her the ability to taste and us to determine what she likes and doesn't like.

 So far she has had cereal, green beans, squash, and carrots. There isn't anything she doesn't like, which is so different from her brother. Goodness, he still is a picky eater!

When we sit down to eat dinner, she watches intently and wants to try everything we are eating. She is also very interested in the shiny cans of soda. I remember Seth wanting a drink from my can often.

 Her vocabulary has just exploded. No, we can't understand what she is saying, but she sure does make a lot of noises. From squeals to just general babble. She is just so much fun. Often times Seth will talk to her and then she will respond in babble and he will interpret. "Mom, she said she loves you." or "Mom, she said she wants more."

She is in size 3-6 months and is still pretty much true to her age as far as size goes. I have stopped myself from buying so many dresses so that she is getting to wear some of them more than once. It's so hard to resist, especially since I buy them secondhand and spend very little on them.

We are having a couple of days of spring weather, so I busted out her spring outfits while they still fit her and the weather is cooperating.

Her evening fussy time has generally stopped, although last week at church when I was working late, I was told she fussed the whole time. I think she was just missing mommy since she hadn't seen me since 7:30 that morning.

She only fusses if she is hungry, tired or dirty. I'm glad she is generally happy. I thought Seth was an easy baby, but she has definitely proved that the second time (at least for me) is easier. I'm not sure if its because I'm more chilled or because I know what I'm doing or just her temperament.

We are so blessed that God decided to give us Miss Julia Renee. We love you sweetheart!

Morning Song

Good morning, God.
This is your day.
I am your child.
Show me your way.

Seth learned this song at Bible Study Fellowship. I don't know if its an old one or a new one, but it has become my go to morning song.

These 4 short lines not only make it easy to remember and super likely to get stuck in my head, but also a really good way to help me refocus on what's important.

Every day belongs to God and I need him to help me to live it to the fullest according to His plans and by His power.  I need to invite Him into my day and He will make it so much better than when I struggle to do it all on my own.

I can do all things because I belong to Him and He's got my back. No matter if I started my morning being impatient and frustrated or with a good attitude, I can always start over. I am His child and that makes me valuable.

God's way is better than mine and I need to choose it. God will guide me and show me if I will get my focus off of me and onto Him.

Last Day

The kids go back to school tomorrow. I go back to work. Time to get back in the groove.

I'm actually kind of excited. I know. I'm weird like that.

The break has been nice. I've been working off and on in a kind of sparatic pattern around the holidays. I haven't had to concern myself about half the time with getting people ready or feeding Julia on a schedule that best accommodates my work/pumping (although she still been eating about every 4 hours throughout the day.) It's been pretty low key around here.

So for the last day before normal life hits again, I have a list of what I'd like to accomplish-
1. Take down Christmas decorations. The kids will help with the tree so it shouldn't take too long I don't think.
2. Finish getting laundry caught up. We are down to about a load and a half.
3. Go through Seth's toys and separate what he doesn't play with any more.

I think that's all. Doesn't sound too daunting really. Just gotta get motivated. I should probably start by getting out of bed. Ha!Ha!