Bad Blogger Award

I am awarding myself with the first ever "Bad Blogger Award." Not because my blog is bad or that I am a bad person blogging, but because I have been bad at posting blogs on a regular basis. I know what it is like to check blogs for updates and get nothing. I know what it is like to be bored out of your mind, hoping, praying, that someone will post something, anything worthy of wasting a few minutes to read. I'm sorry, really I am. I know you have heard it all before and there is really no excuse except that life often gets in the way. And work hasn't even been busy and we don't even have any kids...yeah, there is absolutely no good reason. And so, if you have humored me by reading through this first paragraph, you should know that this will be really random, just because it can be. And just because random is my middle name, you know, right after Kay. (I have two middle names) And because sometimes it is fun to say random things that run through my mind with no purpose just to see what kind of reaction you will get. Really I should carry a camera to capture the expressions received as a result of utterly pure randomness. That is a thought. Christmas has come and gone. As is usual, I put up the Christmas lights and decorations inside myself. Some people say I should get B.J. to help, and sometimes I think that would be a great idea. And other times I realize I really do like doing things myself. I get some sort of satisfaction or pride in doing things myself. So this year, we have two trees in our living room. I love them both. One is random homemade ornaments and ornaments from vacations, yearly ornaments, etc and the other is red white and green. I love it. I bought the second tree this year and it is a 9 foot tall skinny tree. love. it. While I was putting everything out and as I continue to look around at the Christmas decor, I can't help but think that next Christmas, I'll have children in my house and traditions to be started. Maybe they'll love decorating as much as I do. And as long as I can do my one pretty tree my way, I am okay to give control of the other decorations over to whomever will help. Kids make Christmas more memorable. I love Christmas decorations. I don't know what you think, but since it takes me a day and a half to put the decorations up, I don't want to take them down the second Christmas is over. I am thinking I'll take everything down just after B.J.'s B-day (which is the 6th). The decorations will be up a total of about 6 weeks. I like it. They make me smile and anyone who knows me, knows if leaving decorations up will make me smile more, then leave them up we shall. I tend to be too serious about life and must get over that. We have submitted our home study for a couple of groups of kids. If you've talked to me, you know more of the details about the kids. For now, what you need to know is that we are submitting our home study for kids that meet our original preferences, and trying to move on to the next kids. We have probably received info on 150 kids or so in the past 2 months. For some regions in Texas, we will know when a decision has been made, and for some regions we won't. The kids' case worker narrows down the selection pool to a few families based on what they think is the best fit for the kids and families. Then our "case worker" goes to a meeting with the kids case worker and advocates for us. For this meeting, where we will not be present, I am working on a photo book for our representative to take with her. I should get it mostly done tomorrow or next week hopefully. So we are waiting and praying and moving forward, one day at a time. Waiting for God's will and praying that God matches the right families with all these kids need forever families. It is quite overwhelming, but God is able to do so much more than we could even begin to understand. I am going to be an aunt in August! My sister and her husband are expecting and we are very excited for them. I'm sure its going to be hard for her being pregnant and living in Chicago away from all of her family, but they'll be fine. So it looks like next Christmas will be full of new traditions and our Christmas activities will change simply by the addition of one or more children into our family. And the fun begins! For Christmas I got a Kindle and I love it. It fits so nicely in my purse and is so much smaller than the typical book I read. I am reading a Ted Dekker book right now and it is just so nice. I also got a Cricut, which I have played with a little and love as well. I will be using it for my photo books I'm going to try and do tomorrow. Love. it. Jill and Sam were here for a couple of weeks and this morning they and my parents headed to Omaha for my mom's family's Christmas this weekend. This will be the second year we haven't been able to go because it is basically impossible for BJ to get off that weekend. I am praying this gets worked out someway so we can go next year, especially if we have kids by then. I'll fight a little harder for our kids than just for us to find someway to at least see my grandparents, even if it isn't when everyone else is there. Payroll is coming and I am trying to mentally prepare myself for long weeks again. It is so hard to go from having nothing to do to having SOOOOO MUCH to do. But we always make it. This first week of January is still pretty slow, so we are using the time to do some training and planning for the year. And then the three week tornado hits and then we get a break. Its the nature of this business, so you'd think I'd be prepared every year, but I still have to get myself pumped up for it. This year I am off the week between Christmas and New Years and its been nice to spend some time with my sister while she was here. I have also gotten some cleaning done and just odd jobs around the house at least started. Yesterday we ordered a new kitchen table and chairs for our eat-in kitchen. We are trying to prepare our house that is so used to having 2 people for a family so when we get the kid(s) the only thing we have to plan is their rooms. I love to plan and have goals, but for me, yearly goals are just too long and too hard to attain. And I tend to be overambitious with my goals, so they are never really reachable. And like most Americans, a few days or weeks into the new year, we fail. And we give up. So I don't think I'll make any new years resolutions this year. I anticipate the upcoming year will bring a lot of life changes for us, and I am so ready for some changes. As ready as I can be with so much being in limbo. So as we go into a new year, let me leave you with a verse that has really spoken to me and I hope will encourage, strengthen you.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 NIV

Come Home

God speaks all the time to us, but do we really listen to him? God has been bringing people to mind lately that I haven't spoken to or thought about for some time. And when he does this, I have learned to stop what I'm doing and pray for them or send them an encouraging e-mail or note. Because God always has a purpose for doing things. So he knows where they are and what they need and for whatever reason, that day he chooses to use me. And I am honored. So almost every day on the way home from work I have heard this song on the radio. And I think of people who used to serve God, who grew up in church, and have since made decisions that have led them away, to live life as they please and in the process they got lost. And they feel like its been too long and they've done too much. And they aren't sure where to start on their journey back home. And I am reminded that God's compassion and love for them never changed. He still loves them as if they never left and He is waiting for them with open arms. It's never too late. My heart hurts for them. I just want to find them and hug them and tell them they can come back. I am reminded it is a decision they must make for themselves. So I pray for God to open their hearts to feel his love again. That they will realize it may be hard to come back, but it is worth it. Coming back to God isn't like returning to a parent who hurt you in that the wound gets reopened and festers again. As far as God is concerned, if you are ready to come back, he is ready to forgive and move forward. You don't have to make it right or earn the forgiveness, but he is offering it, no strings attached, if you'll just come back. And he already loves you more than you could ever know.

For I Know the Plans I Have For You...

Jeremiah 29:11 has become a pivotal verse for me in the past few years. Knowing God has a plan that is for my good and is better than my plan helps me to trust more, to lean more, and to let go of my plans more. And yet, we all have thoughts about what we think God's plan for us will look like. We speculate and we hope we know what the plan looks like for us. So when we see someone around us living out what we think is God's plan for us, we get mad. We get jealous. We get disappointed. We get angry. We don't understand, and we never will. Because God's ways are not our ways and his thoughts are higher than ours. Today a friend reminded me that God's plan for me is special. It's not like his plan for the people around me, but it is just for me. That statement gave me hope. It's hard to trust God when there is nothing concrete to hold on to. And yet I see his hand at work in my life. He is leading me one step at a time, giving me guidance, day by day. It is my personality to compare myself to others and to compare God's plan for me with his plan for others. Why is everything so easy for everyone else, but I have to struggle? Why do I have to go through so many more valleys before I reach the mountaintop? And I am reminded that I am not them and they are not me. In the same way, God's plan for each of us is unique and special. And all his plans are for our good.

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. " Jeremiah 29:11 The Message

New York Vacation Pictures

Maybe it's not about me...

Today I was driving to the gym and praying. I pray a lot while I'm in my car. It's just me and God and it's one of the places I am not easily distracted. While I was driving and singing and praying, a thought hit me. Ok, it was more like God put a thought in my head, but either way its something I've never really thought about.

Maybe this trial isn't just about me.

When we are going through stuff, as we all do, we look for some hope or some encouragement to help us endure. To help us be faithful to God when things don't make sense. We talk about all the scriptures that say "consider it joy when you face trials" and "God works everything for the the good of those who love him" and we find the determination to keep on believing for a miracle. Somehow knowing that God will provide and knowing that God is teaching us and stretching us during this difficult time makes it tolerable. But have you ever thought about the people watching you? The way you endure a trial and the way you are faithful to God when you don't understand and the way you keep going may be speaking loudly to someone around you. Maybe your trial is the one thing that will bring someone closer to God. Maybe your test is the example they will stand on, to believe that God will do something for them to. We all have those people, those stories of others that we hold on to, that give us hope that God has not forgotten us. What if your trial is someone else's hope? Then, I think we'd consider it worth it. If my pain and my struggle shows someone they aren't alone, shows them that God is worthy of holding on to, it is worth it. If I can hold on, maybe someone else will know they can cling closer to God during the difficult times. God made us a family for a reason. We need each other and our struggles are just a part of God's big plan for us to encourage each other and walk together through it all and come out victorious on the other side by God's grace.

Smorgasbord Sunday - a little of this, a little of that

-Ever prayed for something and then moved on, only to see God be faithful and answer your prayers after you had almost forgotten what you asked for? We are human, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who this has happened to. For me, prayer request rotate in cycles. Not in a planned cycle but based on how God is speaking to me or how he is changing my heart during that time of my life. There are some people I always pray certain days of the week, because they depend on me and I owe it to them, and because God is faithful. Generally I depend on God to bring people and situations to my mind as he wants me to pray for them. He knows best. I actually find that when I've totally given a situation to God, trusting him completely, I don't even pray about it any more. It isn't because the situation is taken care of, but it isn't heavy on my heart any more and I simply trust God to take care of things. So today God answered two of those prayers for me. When I least expected it, when I had moved on, just trusting God to be who he said he was. Because his timing is perfect, always. Praise God! So just when you think it is worthless, never give up because with God all things are possible. -God speaks, you obey, or at least that's the way it is ideally. For me it usually goes more something like God speaks, I question him and make sure it's him, I talk myself out of obeying, I freak out, think of all the possible bad results, I dread obedience, and then I obey. True to form, today I finally obeyed God with something I've been struggling with. You know, it is never as bad as the devil convinces you it is going to be. That's how he gets to you. He uses fear, hoping that you'll never obey and God will never get the opportunity to show off. So, for me, I do usually eventually obey, and God's will is accomplished. If I could just get myself to skip the whole freaking myself out part, this would be so much less stressful. Goodness, Sandra, why do you give the devil that control? I've got to obey faster and not give myself the time or opportunity to over think everything. -Tax season is over and now the boredom/depression sets in. You get so used to working a lot of hours mentally and physically that after its over, the days drag on forever. Now if I can just survive until Thanksgiving that would be nice. -Got some Christmas shopping done yesterday with B.J. Three down, 532 to go. (It's really not as bad as it sounds, but exaggeration makes things more interesting ) -Still getting more info on more kids. We haven't submitted our home study for any kids yet, but in God's time it'll all come together. Hope you enjoyed your tasting of the different things roaming around in my head. Till Later!

Being Me

So I've been dealing with a few tense situations for a while. Like walking on eggshells, tense. I've been waiting for something, someone to break the tension. Don't wait on anyone to do what you should do yourself. I was trying to get away from the craziness instead of getting in the thick of it and dealing. I don't deal well, I don't do confrontation well, but I got over myself and did only what I can do. And that is be me. So why do we always think someone else is going to remedy the situation? Why do we wait around on someone else instead of taking initiative? Because we are scared of the response we will get or the rejection we may have to endure. And then I am reminded that I can only control me and God won't give me more than I can handle. If God is putting me here, he must think I can handle a lot more than I think I can. By the way, the eggshells have disappeared, at least from my perspective, and I am free to be me again. No, I'm not going to pry where I am not welcome, but I won't be over-thinking every action every word again. Because my happiness is not dependent on man's approval but on God's and I know I'm right where he wants me.

Sunday Funday

Warning: Random Post -I love my Sunday School class! Absolutely love them. Love teaching them. We know we are exactly where God wants us for now. But today was hard. Ever since we took this class 3+ years ago God has been stretching me. Before we took the college/career class, we taught K-2nd grade and it was pretty easy. Yes, I came in early every so often to redecorate the room and get games and such together, but basically we did the lesson from the Sunday School literature plus a few fun things I'd learned in my years teaching kids before. At that age its easy to use the literature and make it applicable to them personally and know they are learning something. When we took the college/career class I immediately knew that no literature would fit the group of students we were getting. So I've asked God to speak to them through me. Every week I seek God for what they need to hear. I knew that I was obeying God today when we talked about guarding your heart, but for some reason the words couldn't come out of my mouth right and I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I know that with this group I don't usually see a great response to what I say, but today I felt like a failure. But God is faithful, always! And His word is powerful, always! And he doesn't depend on my abilities or competency to fulfill his plans. Isaiah 55:10-11 "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that is yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; it will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." -So God has prompted me to start studying His love in my devotion time in the upcoming weeks. I am trusting Him to show me things I haven't seen before and to speak to me, and He is always faithful. -No post would be complete without an adoption update. We were licensed for adoption this past Monday and have since been receiving information about kids available for adoption. It is kinda difficult to see the pictures and get the info and not fall in love. I told BJ I want to adopt every kid in the state of Texas that doesn't have a home and we need to get a bigger house. Ha! Just so you know, we won't be able to share very much info on here about our kids once we get them and before they are adopted because of the confidentiality agreement. I totally understand the purpose of keeping things quiet and we will just have to be vague for a bit. -5 more work days until work calms down through the holidays. I am definitely looking forward to a little reprieve from all the craziness in my life right now. Maybe I'll get some scrapbooking caught up. One can always hope! :) -Turbo Kickboxing is calling my name. Soon I'll be able to get back in that groove. I miss it. -Maybe BJ should post pics of the New York trip. (He's reading this as I write, so that may actually happen before Christmas.)

Are We There Yet?

As a child, we took many trips around the country for vacation or to visit family members. 12 hours to one set of grandparents and 14 to the other. Doing the trip about twice a year, we got used to it pretty quickly. At some point, I started asking for the map so I could follow where we were in relation to where we were going. I know that didn't make the trip any shorter, but I'm sure it kept me occupied for a few hours every trip and kept me from asking if we were almost to our resting spot for the night. I always knew we were almost to Grandpa and Grandma Daggett's when we turned at that gas station and started on the two lane road over quite a few hills. I always meant to count how many hills we had to pass before we would see their house, but I never could remember how many there were. Either way, once we turned down that road it was time for me to start putting all my toys in my backpack and get ready to unload into my grandparent's house. So on this adoption road, I would say we are almost to that turn at the gas station. We should be licensed in about a week or so at this point. At that time we'll have to lean on God to help us decide which kids we should submit our homestudy for. It's so weird to think about picking kids like you would clothes out of a catalog, but that's what we are preparing ourselves for. We've been told to not fall in love with the first kids you see. Do you realize how hard that is going to be for me? I fall in love with kids I see across the restaurant that I don't even get to hold or talk to and will never see again. I'll always remember this little girl I met in Nicaragua. I haven't actually thought about her in a while. I went there on a mission trip when I was 13. She didn't speak English and I couldn't speak Spanish, but I know she felt safe with me. Her dad, or whoever, was holding her and she was just crying and crying. I went over and reached out my hands to her to see if maybe I could help the situation and she came right to me. She immediately stopped crying and just laid her head on my shoulder. I sang to her a song she had no way to understand, but it brought a smile to her face. And when I would stop, she would look up at me with longing eyes, and I would continue to sing again. I don't know her name or have any idea where she is or what she is doing. I gave her dad my address so he could send me a copy of a picture he took of us, but I never received anything. How do you love a kid you can't communicate with? How do you bond so deeply so quickly? I don't know, but I suppose it has something to do with God's love, so deep and yet so irrational. It doesn't make logical sense to love someone who can offer you nothing, who can't express their feelings to you, and yet I loved her so much. So I anticipate loving our kids will be just like loving that girl. I can't say that I know what they will have been through, but I know that God's love never fails. I won't understand what they are feeling, because I haven't been there. My life has been so simple, so normal, relatively. The classes we have taken have tried to prepare us, but I'm pretty sure its all going to be inadequate. Because love doesn't make sense. You love with your heart, not your head. So I pray for our kids and I pray that God will help us love like he does. I pray that when we see/meet our kids that we'll just know they belong with us. Nope, we aren't there yet, but at least I can look at the map and know where we are in this process. I see how many more hills in the road, and I can see the next chapter of our lives around the corner.

Love Like You'll Never Get Hurt

Here's a quick update on the adoption process. We took our last class today and had the home-study this past Thursday. They told us we should be licensed in 2-3 weeks. This is very exciting and scary at the same time! But we can handle this with God's help, or maybe I should say God can handle it with our help. That's really the way it all works. There is so much new territory coming to us since we will potentially go from zero kids to a house-full. Just so you all know, once we are licensed, the adoption coordinator will send us profiles of kids that meet our requirements and we decide if we want our home-study submitted for those kids. CPS gets home-studies from all the agencies and decides who will be matched with the kids based on that information they have. At that point we just pray that God will match us with our kids and we trust for his perfect will. The home-study went well, I think. There were no questions we didn't kind of anticipate or know were coming. How were we raised, what we would do differently from our parents, what are our strengths, etc. I was able to ask some logistics questions and I feel much better. Mala told us that since we are straight adoption, we will have plenty of time to get the rooms ready once we meet the kids so they can be painted/decorated according to their likes and styles. She also told me we'd have plenty of time to get car seats and that kind of logistical thing. We have two empty rooms, but they are in no way ready for kids at this point. They are basically empty, but we are waiting until we know the genders, ages, etc of kids we are matched with. My dad got a cabinet installed in our laundry room so we could store poisons out of reach and have a place to lock up meds (state requirement). Yippee! Nothing is currently locked, but nothing needs to be at this point and we are ready when that comes. Ok, now to the topic of my post. Many years ago (I don't actually know how long ago) my Pastor/Uncle went on a trip and brought back some small gifts for me and my sister. This time he brought these little marble plaques with sayings on them. Mine said "Love Like You'll Never Get Hurt." I love that saying. When we are hurt, either on purpose or accidentally, we tend to hold those hurts for a long time. We let it change the way we treat the offender and change the way we think about them. We live with more reserve, more caution, afraid that anything we do will cause us to be hurt again. It hinders us from being passionate and giving ourselves fully to many things in our lives. I have always taken this saying to mean forgive and move on past your hurt. I have realized it isn't just about forgiving the person who hurt you, which we need to do, but we have to forgive ourselves for anything we may have done to bring on the hurt. I am not saying it is ever our fault when someone hurts us, but depending on the situation, after we have forgiven the offender, we often look back at the situation and say, "if only I wouldn't have.... then I wouldn't have been so hurt" or "if I would have done....I would have healed faster and moved on." By asking ourselves these questions and re-living the moment time and time again, we haven't forgiven ourselves. There are multiple things going on with me that have initiated me asking myself the question, "Do I love fully? Can I love with every fiber of my being, knowing that I will get hurt again, but not letting those past things hinder my love?" God created us to be people of total abandon, loving without regret and without holding anything back. Am I doing that? My kids, my friends, my family deserve my love. God deserves my all. I refuse to hold myself back, selfishly, in case I may get hurt. I am determined to love completely, to give myself fully to whatever God is calling me. I will put my heart out there, because if I don't, I'm not really living. I'm not really loving as if I'll never get hurt.

Vent

Vent - an opening, as in a wall, serving as an outlet for air, smoke, fumes, or the like. The only purpose of venting is to let the steam out. It is not intended to be an outlet through which one expresses a concern and in return would like to receive advice. I am not asking for your opinion as to what I should do. Really, I just want to vent. With that being said, I am totally okay with anyone leaving a comment to let me know you are sympathizing with me (who doesn't like to get comments?), but please do not see this as a solicitation for advice. I do not want you to fix everything. I just want to vent. Now that I have the basis covered, let me see if I can vent effectively while being vague enough that no one gets offended or thinks I am talking about them. Honestly, the person that I will be venting about probably doesn't read my blog and will more likely than not never read this, so I think I'm pretty safe. Either way, being vague is difficult, but I'm gonna try. So I have some friends from years before that have chosen to end our friendship(s). I am totally okay with that as I understand that people change and circumstances change and we all have different seasons in our lives. Quite honestly I haven't given the whole situation a second thought since we parted ways a while back. I haven't talked to them for a while and have been totally cut out of the daily life updates about their families. I didn't expect to get updates, but what upsets me is when I see them, I get the feeling they expect me to be supportive of whatever they are currently going through. I do know what is going on with them, but it isn't because they've told me. So basically I shouldn't know, but I get info from the internet, which obviously is what I would consider public information. I'm not talking about hacking into anything or getting information without permission. They basically post stuff that the public can see and I just happen to be a part of the public. (By the way, so I don't appear to be a weirdo, there are a lot of people who post things on blogs or facebook or whatever, that I read because people interest me. I'm not stalking anyone or anything, but I just like to know what is going on with people who have been a part of my life at some point.) So I act as if I know nothing, because they didn't tell me, and I don't want to be accused of getting into their business (which has happened before.) At the same time, it is public information, or kinda, and I don't want to be thought of as inconsiderate or unsupportive, so I'm in a lose lose situation. Dealing with people is so difficult sometimes. We are all different and no one is exactly like me, so it takes adjusting to learn what to say and how to act in a way that doesn't offend people. Trust me, my intent is never to offend anyone, but some people are looking for someone to offend them, if you ask me. And if I can meet your need and you can be mad at me, at least I can deal with it and you don't crush someone else who may not be able to handle it as well.

Reunion Recap

So I haven't blogged in forever, and for anyone who's actually noticing, I'm sorry. I'm not bogging myself down by doing a update since the last post. A lot has happened and maybe BJ will post pics from our vacation to New York some day. We went to part I of my 10 year high school reunion tonight. BJ went with me to the game and South won, so that was good. I saw a lot of people I knew that I'm pretty sure don't remember me. I was pretty quiet in high school and rarely if ever did anything with anyone from school after school was over. I talked to people at school about school generally and I wasn't rude or not friendly, but I guess I've learned they were mostly acquaintances and not really friends. The only things most of us had in common was school and when you remove that commonality, we got nothing. Part Ib was at Beto's after the game. BJ went home since he has to work tomorrow and I went alone. I talked to a few people that I was comfortable enough to approach. Mainly people I've talked to recently anyways. I did once again see more people from high school, but no one new I was comfortable talking to. I guess I feel like if I didn't know you well back then, I'm interrupting by coming to say hi. That, and I tend to just sit there and listen, probably wearing out my welcome so to speak and not contributing to the conversation. So, I have come to some conclusions. First, some things never change. There will always be cliques and I will never feel comfortable around them because I'm not like them. Secondly, I don't know what people what to accomplish by a reunion, but tonight was not the place to really reconnect with someone from the past. Unless you want that to include a lot of alcohol and music that is so loud you are screaming at the person next to you just to be heard. Just not my cup of tea I guess. Not that I really expected anything different. I guess people just want to hang out and have surface conversations. I suppose that tomorrow at the formal reunion event will be different, but I'm not attending that for an entirely different reason. I hate getting all dressed up and such. It is such a hassle for nothing. I am even less comfortable in a more formal setting. Thirdly, I think a reunion would be more fun it there was a family type event like a picnic at a park with the kids and spouses. I think kids make starting conversations easier. Maybe there, you would actually get to talk to someone and reconnect. Maybe there, the people who wanted to drink and party would stay home because they'd think it would be boring and you'd actually find out who wants to reconnect. Maybe then, you would see the real people and what life really is like for them and not the perfect picture they want to paint for you with their words. Lastly, blogging and facebook make it very difficult to talk to someone you haven't seen in a while. You feel like you are kinda updated on everyone's lives, but only because you keep up with them via facebook. So, asking them questions feels like you are being redundant or saying you didn't read about their lives or weren't listening when they "told" you what was going on. I guess to me it just makes it awkward to actually have a real conversation. For example, I didn't get to tell people what was going on in my life concerning the adoption, but just got to give people the most recent update that I hadn't posted yet. We should be licensed in 2-3 weeks. I guess you just don't know what people see and what they don't. The internet is effectively replacing real communication, and I'm not sure that's always a good thing. But I survived and enjoyed people watching. It was fun and some day I'll probably wish I had been a little more outgoing and talked to more people.

Last Post in August

Well I am starting this blog with nothing particular in mind. I do know that I only have 3 blogs this month and that simply will not do. Since my last update, we've been busy, but what's new? Got some things done for our adoption: 2 classes this week TB test FBI Fingerprinting I have been so tired lately and I'm not quite sure why. I haven't really been sleeping less that usual. Maybe I'm getting too old to be so busy. We are on vacation this week, so I am looking forward to that. We are going to New York City. Maybe if I wanted rest and relaxation we should have planned to stay home and do nothing, but then again, who actually does nothing when they are home? I guess we are at least getting out of the area for a few days. I am actually looking forward to it, assuming we don't wear ourselves out. Generally when we vacation we sleep in, eat a late breakfast and plan one thing a day. I know there are a ton of things to do in NYC, but if we can see a few things we haven't before and enjoy not working, the vacation will be worth it. After we return, my parents leave for their vacation a few days later. They are going with my grandparents to Oregon/Washington to visit some family. While they are gone, I will be leading praise and worship for one service. I am not really comfortable leading, but I know that God will lead me to what songs to sing and he will use me as I am available. This is a real stretch for me, but God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. We had 9 in Sunday School. God is just so good! He continues to speak to me for my class and knows exactly what they need to hear. So, anyone who is in my class, if you want a seat on a couch it appears that you will have to be on time for Sunday School. In the mean time, I will be looking for another couch to fill the empty wall in my class so that everyone can sit on a couch. I'm glad you all came and am so excited about what God is going to do! For now, I am looking forward to sleeping a few hours on a plane tomorrow.

Two are Better Than One

So, I've been asked many times why we have decided to adopt a group of 2 siblings. My response? Why not? There are so many kids who need a home and many of them are not adopted because they are with their siblings. The state of Texas has a mandate that requires agencies to try to adopt siblings together as opposed to separating them. Can you imagine being taken from your home with your brother/sister and shortly thereafter being separated from the only person you have left because it's inconvenient to keep you together? These kids need to be together almost as much as they need parents to love them. We have room, we have love, so why not open our hearts and our home to a group of siblings? God has provided for us and we are willing to share ourselves with them. Yes, going from no kids to two will be difficult, but quite frankly, just because it is difficult doesn't mean you should quit and take the easy way out. Ok, so on to the practical reasons why we have chosen to adopt 2 siblings. The state is trying very hard to adopt siblings together and are offering incentives to families for adopting siblings. Those include free tuition and fees to any state college for the kids as well as the option to remain on Medicare STAR Health until the age of 18. This means they basically have free health insurance and we do not have to pay for that. No, adopting these kids is not some way for us to make money. That would be absurd. These kids, like any kids, are going to cost us emotionally and financially, but they will be worth it. Lets just say the incentives are great for the kids and they deserve every penny of it. Yes, I discuss this with myself all the time and I have peace with the decision that will totally change our lives forever. In some ways, my pep talks with myself is a part of convincing myself that God won't give me more than I can handle. And God won't open up my heart to a sibling group if that isn't his will for us. I have heard that going from one to two kids is quite a jump and after that point, adding one more isn't that big of a deal. I guess we'll skip that jump all together and go straight to two kids. Oh yeah, on a practical note, I want 3 or 4 kids, so adopting two doesn't mean our family will be complete or that we won't ever have biological kids. I just know that I've always wanted to adopt and I really think that if we would've waited until we had biological children, we may never have researched or went the adoption route. Because it is work. Because it takes an effort. Because as I said in the last post you have to really want these kids. God knows exactly what he is doing, and his timing is always perfect. And by the way, when God wants you to adopt two siblings, two is always better than one.

You Really Have to Want These Kids

Today I was talking with a friend about how the adoption process and all of that is going. She asked if we were done with the classes yet. In normal Sandra fashion, I responded with a very detailed list of when we have all the classes scheduled and everything we have left to do. Just so this can be some sort of update post, I'll give you that list:

• 1 class last week
• 2 classes done this week
• 1 more class this week
• 2 classes on the 28th
• 1 class on Sept 11th
• 1 class on Sept 14th
• 2 classes not scheduled yet
• fire inspection
• TB test
• digital FBI fingerprinting
• dentist/doctor forms
• home study

With good reason, after I gave her the list she promptly responded with "I guess they are making sure you really want to get the kids." As if there was any doubt in anyone's minds, yes, I know this is a lot, and yes we really want to do this. God has put this on our hearts and these kids are so worth it.

The Good Ole' Days

This weekend I went to my bff from high school's son's birthday party. It was so much fun watching the boys have a nerf gun fight. Somehow, BJ and I ended up in the direct line of fire many times and yet since we are gluttons for punishment, we didn't move. So, today I've decided to do a tribute to the good times we (Shay and I) had in high school. When I'm having a bad day I can look back at this post and laugh. Some of you may not think these are funny or entertaining, but Shay and I will at least get a kick out of it. I remember when we went to South Padre for a choir trip. As soon as we got there, we proceeded to jump on the beds because we could. Apparently Shay's family always does this when they stay at a hotel. To eat, we bought sandwich stuff and for snacks, double stuffed oreos and twizzlers pull & peel. Shay slept with and a shirt that which smelled like the current boyfriend and reread some letter he wrote her numerous times in our 3 days. I think she also tried to convince me to talk to Micah, but I was too shy. I remember when we painted SGP on our old jeans for the Beat North game. By the time the jeans dried, they were so stiff we could hardly get them on. We wore them anyways, because we were cool like that. I remember our matching jeans that faded from jean color to white at the bottom. They were from Target and we loved them. I remember when we went to football games and hung out with/danced with the tubas at the top of the stands. Patrick was always entertaining. I remember our "best friend mums" for homecoming my junior and your senior year. I think mine is still at my moms. I remember when I had physics and you had chemistry at the same time in connecting classes and we would stand in the doorway and talk until our teachers made us sit down. I remember Agape Club meetings in the freshman gym on Wednesday afternoons. I remember renting Austin Powers and watching it to realize that is really is one of the stupidest movies of all times. I remember when you bought us matching shirts (one green and one blue) and overalls so we could wear them to school together. I remember hanging out at Marshall Drive Baptist and watching the guys play basketball. I remember coming to your wedding and hunting you down just to see how you were doing before the ceremony. I remember driving to Fort Hood to visit you and the boys. Those were some fun trips! Shay, I am so glad that we met in high school and have had so much fun over the years. I am glad you are back in the area and we can make many more memories for years to come!

All I Need to Be

Tell me again that I am strong. Tell me again that I won't fall. I need You here to fix me where I'm wrong. Take me beyond what I can see. Break me, make me believe you have made me all I need to be.

I don't know about you, but somedays I just need God to remind me that in spite of all of my shortcomings and all the things I don't like about myself, He has made me all I need to be. There is comfort in knowing God doesn't see me as flawed or as a project for him to fix. Yes, the more time you spend with God the more you become like him, but he has made me like this for a reason to fulfill his perfect plan for me so he gets glory from my life. I love this song by Fireflight for days when I just need reassurance.

I Stand Amazed

Sometimes, God just leaves me speechless. I am just amazed by all that has transpired in the past week. Let me get the basics out of the way and then I'll get into the meat of the matter. This past week I have been at youth camp with 7 teenagers from church. I haven't been in a few years and it was a lot of fun. My ability to sleep no matter what is going on around me definitely came in handy. Seriously every night I was asleep within 2 minutes of laying my head on my pillow. It didn't matter who was still talking, if the lights were on or not, or what was going on. I still only got about 5-6 hours of sleep a night, but trust me it could have been much worse. This was one of the 2 camps that had separate services for the senior and junior high students. Because my girls were mostly junior highers I went to that service every day. Our speaker was really funny and his sermons were very good. You know you have a good speaker who isn't babying the kids when I can take notes and grow from the things he was talking about. You know you can't have a week at camp without each of the girls having camp crushes/boyfriends that they basically stalk but won't talk to. It is so funny. So, a couple of times I was asked to go ask a guy what his stats were (name, age, what church). I remember those days so I obliged and didn't have a problem at all talking to them. Some of those guys continued to say hi to us the rest of the week, so the girls were thrilled. I plan on going again next year (depending on what happens with our adoption and such). Ok, onto the main reason I decided to blog. While at camp it seems like every service adoption came up at least once. I just took that as confirmation that I am right where God wants me to be and we have made the right decision for us. My heart continues to change every day it seems. I know that God is preparing me for whatever he has in store and the kids that he has planned for us. My heart is making room for them and I am so excited for what God has in store. In the last service, Garland Owensby spoke about lost coins. He had a bunch of coins and asked each of the kids to come and get a coin to represent someone they knew who didn't know Jesus. God immediately burdened my heart, once again, for my babies. After I prayed for quite a few kids that God was giving a burden for the lost to, I went and grabbed a couple of coins for my kids. I found a place and prayed for my babies. I have never felt for anyone else what I feel for these kids God is giving me. I am just amazed at my God and his plans which are so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. As an update in our adoption process, we have most of our adoption application turned in. We were going to attend two classes today that got canceled because the instructor got sick. I was a little bummed because BJ was actually off on a Saturday and we were going to be able to get some of our classes out of the way. But God reminded me, through BJ, that God is lining up the timing of everything according to his plan and not mine. We got our fire extinguishers mounted and now I just need to call the county to schedule a fire inspection so we can mark that off of our list. You wouldn't believe all the hoops we have to jump through to get our kids, but it is so worth it to be in God's will. BJ is working tomorrow so we'll miss him at church. Luckily, my dad got the songs to us early and he was able to get the powerpoints ready for tomorrow, so I won't have to do that in the morning. I have Sunday School and Children's Church tomorrow, so it's going to be a busy day, but as always, God is faithful to show up and use me for his glory.

A Mother's Heart

Ok, so I'm not a mom yet since we just decided to adopt, but as soon as we made that decision, my heart changed. Now, I'm not one that likes change or embraces it quickly, so it must be a God thing. Almost immediately after we shared the news with everyone I found my prayers changing from "I want" and "I need" to "God, protect my babies." I'm starting to understand what it means to be a mother. It's about giving of yourself always, putting your plans aside so your kids get everything they need. It's about going without so they can have and giving them all the love in the world and teaching them to love God. So little ones, know that I'm praying for you and waiting for you and I love you already even thought we've never met. I know God has picked you just for us and we are anxiously awaiting for the day when he brings us together to be the family he saw since before the creation of time.

The Cat is Out of the Bag

Today at church we broke the news to our parents and then church family. BJ and I have decided to adopt. We have always wanted to adopt and decided that now was as good a time as any. Everyone was pretty excited and took the news pretty well. I don't really know why but I thought that my dad would be less accepting of the whole ordeal. However, I had totally forgotten that he tried to convince my mom to adopt these 4 siblings when my sister and I were in college. I don't know why I forget he is such a softy sometimes and he understands more than I give him credit for. We are currently wanting to adopt a sibling group of 2 kids under the age of 5. We know that this may be hard to find since most younger kids in the state system are adopted by foster parents. But just like before, we just trust God that if our kids are out there, they will find their way to our arms. This doesn't surprise him since he had it planned since the creation of time. Ever since we made this decision, I just see life differently. I am always imagining and wondering what our kids will be like. What it will be like to have kids running around and to be a family and no longer just a couple. God's ways are perfect and we are excited for what he has in store. And maybe sooner or later, if its God's will, we will actually have some pics on this blog and not just my ramblings.

I'll try to keep you updated on the process as we go along. God is just so good.

Listening

So BJ and I are trying to make some pretty serious decisions. Like any Christian would do, I asked people to pray for direction and guidance so we'll know what God wants for us in this situation. We don't want to make any rash decisions and definitely don't want to be out of the will of God. So I ask people to pray and we pray for direction. We got some more information about the decision we are trying to make and at first I was okay with it. Then all the options stressed me out and I basically cried for a couple of hours last night because I was scared and I felt like God wasn't helping me. I realized that what stresses me out is that even in letting God lead us, I am trying to control all the outcomes. When I can't control, I get scared and emotional. Goodness, I am just a bad listener. Once I finally stopped crying and toned down my emotions I was able to hear what God was saying. No, I don't know how everything's going to turn out, but I do know that if we will follow God's leading, he will open the doors that need to be opened and close the doors that aren't his way. This isn't an end all to the situation or struggle, but I know God is faithful and there is peace in this valley for me.

Tears

If you follow your tears, you will find your heart. And if you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life. ~Ken Gire

This quote is from the book "Strong Women, Soft Hearts" that I am reading with this online book club. I'm really far behind because I started late, but either way, this book is really good and you should read it. Now on to the point of this post. I cry, a lot. (I'm pretty sure I covered that in my last post, but just in case you missed that I thought I should repeat.) BJ will tell you that I cry at almost every TV show known to man. I guess I am just over sensitive right now. Tonight I cried while watching America's Got Talent. So yes, I'm a sap and cry at everything. So where is my heart and what makes me cry? I cry when I am disappointed in myself. I cry when I want something so bad and it just doesn't seem that I'll ever get it. I cry when I feel alone. I cry when I see God do great things for others and am wondering if he's overlooked me. I cry when I'm stressed. I cry when I am hopeless. I cry when I see others get what they've prayed for. I cry when I see kids growing up and learning to serve Jesus. I cry when I see God meet someone where they are. I cry when I see God touch people who are normally so hard and tough on the outside. I cry when I make someone a thoughtful gift and it touches their heart as much in the receiving as mine in the making. So where is my heart? I don't really know right now. But if I can determine where my heart is, and what is close to God's heart then I can know what decisions I need to make. It sounds easy on the surface, but I'm pretty sure that figuring out my heart is gonna take some time. Onto another journey, another task. Figuring out my heart as God made it. By the way I have learned Psalm 139: 1-18 so far. I know it is taking me longer than I planned, but I had a short interruption when my sis came to visit last week. Normally I get upset when I get off of my schedule, but I decided it was worth it to keep working on it one day at a time and not worry about catching up to my original schedule. I hope you are sticking with memorizing this scripture with me. Also, B.J. and I need some guidance with something we are facing right now. We feel like God is leading us but we want to be sure before we make any major decisions. If you think about it, please pray for us.

The Eye of the Storm

What a difference a few days make. Monday and Tuesday were pretty rough on me emotionally. Basically I just felt lonely and sad. I can't really tell you why other than to say I'm sure the enemy was behind it all. He uses my emotions to get to me. I'm confident that the devil uses the emotions and feelings of a lot of women to distract and control them. It gets our eyes off of the promises and love our Father has for us and gets us to feel sorry for ourselves. Fighting our opposition starts with recognizing how he attacks us. This week I've been reading this blog. I went back to the beginning and finally caught up. Angie is so inspiring to me. She has been through so much in the past few years and yet, she keeps on going. There are so many of her blogs that I can relate to how she's feeling and God has used her to show me some things and to understand Him and His ways better. It's awesome when Christians can encourage each other with our stories and what God has taught us. Last night I went next door to deliver some items I purchased for Kim's niece. I just hung out for an hour and a half and it was nice. Nothing formal but it was just nice to be a part of her life and the kids who can always bring a smile to my face. So what have we been up to since my last blog? Let's see. The picnic tables we were going to buy, well apparently there aren't any Home Depots that carry them or have any in stock. So annoying! So, we found a guy on Craig's List that makes custom picnic tables to order and he is making us one and delivering it tomorrow. It will be 10 feet long and fit swimmingly on our patio. (Who actually uses the word swimmingly in normal conversation? Maybe that's why I like blogging so much. Because the odd words that come to my head in normal conversation, don't always make it out of my lips, but when I am writing, I am less inhibited and the words just roll out. It is my blog after all. Okay back on topic.) Yesterday, I went to Turbo at noon and then took Brooke shopping with her birthday money. That girl always makes me smile. She is so dramatic! Gotta love that girl! We also went to Coldstone Creamery and I got cheesecake ice cream mixed with strawberries, which is one of my favorites. It was so much fun to be with someone who is almost always smiling and giddy happy about life. Last night BJ went to Lake Tawakoni with Tony and they fished a tournament this morning. Apparently the fishing wasn't so great and he didn't get much sleep last night. He has gone to take a nap, which he never does, so you know he must be tired. I wonder if he'll wake up before tomorrow. I guess if he doesn't I won't have to cook dinner. Yeah for me! Today I met a high school friend for lunch. Ashley brought Jameson, her son, and he was just so cute and entertaining. Ashley was sure that James would discourage me from having kids, but actually it made me look forward to the day when we have a few kids running around the house. If you've talked to me lately I've expressed how quiet my house is. Seriously, BJ is really quiet and we have no pets, no kids, so yeah, it is really quiet. That's fine and relaxing sometimes, but quite honestly, a little noise would be a welcome break from the monotony. I know once we have kids, it'll never go back to being quiet, but I'm sure I can handle it. Usually I start these posts with a plan or a point I want to get to, but not today. So you get what you get. I almost forgot to mention that Jill will be here on Wednesday and I'm excited! I think she and my mom are going to meet me for lunch on Wednesday on their way home from the airport. It'll be a fun week with Jill here. (Jill, this paragraph is just for you since you love seeing your name in a blog.) Oh and I've started learning Psalm 139, 2 verses a day for 2 days and then a day to review/catchup. It'll take a total of 18 days. I got this idea from Angie Smith (the blog I referred to above) but I can't find the exact blog since I read 3 and a half years of blogs in like 4 days. Why don't you join me? Learning scripture is very rewarding and worth all the effort.

A Mess

I am not strong. I don't always feel God. I'm not bulletproof or emotionless. I am not that super-Christian that walks through the fire without a hint of hesitation or doubt. More than once I've been told that I look like I have it all together. I don't. I cry often, well at least lately. But most of the time I choose to trust God. It is a mental decision based on fact and not emotions or how I feel. That doesn't mean I'm perfect by any means. I don't view crying or showing the vulnerable side of me as weakness. I have not built up walls to appear like everything it okay when it isn't. I have just learned to fake it until it is true. This means I have to trust God and "call things that are not as thought they were." This means living like God's going to take care of it or already has even when I don't feel like it and the answer is not in sight. To the outsider, it appears that everything is okay and I am tough. If you knew I was having doubts, I'd guess you'd think I am being fake. I just have to convince my emotions and my expressions that I am not worried. If you think I'm being fake, so be it. I am making a conscious decision to not give into feelings of worry or depression or sadness, especially during times of ministry. I guess that is why people at church think I'm not being real. I have a hard time distinguishing between not trusting God and being real or showing emotion. If I break down am I giving into the stress and worry the devil is trying to distract me with? I'm so conflicted. Some people think I am so tough and resilient and I never break. That's not true. I have had many days where I was mad a God and wanted to give up and I have given up. I guess one of the differences between other people and me is that I know that my emotions are unstable and I don't ever make decisions based on what I am feeling. After I cry and yell at God, I always go back to what I know. God will provide. He always does. Sometimes, we mistake God providing to mean we will get what we want. God doesn't work that way. Yes, many times I get what I have been trusting God for, but sometimes I don't and I have to accept that. God's ways are better than mine and his plans are perfect. I have to learn to stop praying for God to fix things the way I expect him to and start praying for him to have his will in whatever I am going through. It hurts to know that I may or may not get what I'm praying for, but I have to trust that God's ways are better than mine. Not equal to or as good as, but better.

New Patio

Ok, so today I got to talk to my sister on the phone for a while and she informed me that I have not put pics of the new patio. It was finished on the weekend of our anniversary but I was waiting to get our picnic tables so you could get a full idea of what it looks like (or will look like). Since I am apparently too busy or lazy to get the picnic tables purchased and stained and put together, you are gonna get what I have.

Before After

We tripled the size of the concrete and added the pergola for a little shade. I know, I know, it needs picnic tables, but I'm working on it when I get around to it. The nice thing is that since our house faces south, most of this is in the shade from the house for most of the day and the pergola just adds to the shade. We are planning on having our Father's Day get-together at our house, so we'd better get on that picnic table issue and fast. In other exciting news, I was off today. This morning I went to Cardio Dance Party at 24 Hour. It's not turbo, but it was still a great workout. Then I went to Cedar Hill to Charming Charlie's and found a purple purse. It makes me soooo happy! Apparently I have been living in the dark ages because I so didn't know anything about Uptown in Cedar Hill. It is fabulous. I wasn't in the mood to really shop, but I do plan to go back and shop in the future. It is basically an outdoor shopping mall. From FM1382 it looks like a mall with only a few stores, but when you drive inside, it is amazing and there are so many stores. They also have a water spout area for the kids to play. I must remember that for the future. Yesterday evening, I was finally able to pull together all the digital pics I need to get printed so I can scrapbook. The memory card for one of our digital cameras has been at a friend's house (he was using it in his fish finder. Yeah I totally don't get that.) Anyway, the memory card has made it home and I was able to get all the pics I want sent to Walmart to be printed. BJ is supposed to pick up the pics after work today. Hopefully, now that I'll actually have the pics at my house, when I get some free time and the urge to scrapbook (yes, I actually get the urge to scrapbook) I'll have everything I need to do a page or 2 until I am caught up. While I was sorting through pics on the computer I realized I have quite a few events to scrapbook including my getting CPA license in Sept 2008, anniversary trip in 2009, kitchen renovation in July 2009, Cozumel trip in Aug 2009, anniversary trip in 2010, and the patio expansion. So do you think I'll be able to catch up before we go to New York City in August? I'm thinking probably not, but I can at least shoot for that. Did I just nonchalantly mention we are going to the Big Apple in August? Yes I did. We booked our flights and hotel yesterday and are really looking forward to our vacation. We are hoping to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway and that is the only thing we have agreed on at this point. Yes, BJ wants to see Phantom as much as I do. I actually saw it at Fair Park a few years back, so he may be looking forward to it more than I am. Starting next week, my boss is letting us work 36 hour weeks through July. Thanks Elaine!! I am pretty excited about that as I love being off during the week and will get to attend Mindy's Turbo class in Mansfield on Fridays. Also, I am making a plan to go and see one of my sister's friends and her new baby the week Jill is in town for Father's Day/my mom's birthday. I think my mom, Jill, and Ashley will join me on my trip to Wilmer so we could call it a girls trip I guess. There are a lot of fun things coming in the next few months. Yes, work is still crazy and hasn't slowed down any, but hopefully we will be able to keep pushing returns out and things will eventually slow down. And this makes 4 blog posts for May, thank you very much.

No Plan B

Have you ever said something and as soon as you heard yourself, it just clicked? So a few weeks ago in Sunday School (I'm not exactly sure what the date was) I heard myself saying the following statement:

If you trust God with all your heart, you don't have a plan B.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I just realized that if you go back and look at my posts I have been hit by quite a few tons of bricks over the past year or so. I must be in really bad shape. Ha. Okay, back on topic. The verse I was talking about is in Proverbs 3:5. It says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." ALL your heart. Trusting is hard and especially when you are so used to being in control of things. I don't know who passed down the controlling gene to me, but I definitely have it. As long as I can remember I have been over-organized and over-planned and have therefore thought I was controlling all the variables that I could. So I realized, I've been trusting God for plan A, but having plan B in my back pocket the whole time. It is so hard for me to not have some plan in the works. So hard. For example, I was at the store today and I almost purchased something that would help me with my plan B. I realized what I was doing and put it back. No plan B. The second part of that verse has some weight too. Don't trust in my understanding. I have leaned on my own understanding too long. I understand too much and try to control by leaning on myself. No more. I've got to learn to totally & completely trust without reservation. Dana, I'm sure you are laughing your head off because you've been trying to tell me to stop controlling and I want you to know that I'm trying. With God's help, I'm getting rid of my plan B. I'm not going back to trying to plan things my way again. God, I give up. Really, I do. I know it's what you have been waiting on the whole time. This doesn't mean that on occasion I won't think about my plan B since it has become quite a large part of my life, but I commit my plan A, and B, and all the other plans I have to you. You are really the one in control anyways. I just thought I was controlling things by my planning. I give it all to you and wait patiently for your timing. And when my mind lingers to my plans, I pray that you'll help me to put it away and continue trusting. On a totally separate and unrelated note, I determined that I had to blog at least once more this month so I wouldn't only have 2 blogs this month, one of which is from BJ. Life has been crazy, but at least now, May of 2010 will at least tie for last place in the blog world. I may post something tomorrow or Monday and move this month up in the rankings. We'll see.

Jumping In With Both Feet

I have debated blogging my craziness for a while because I feel like its been so long that I need to catch you up and at this point that is way too overwhelming. So I've decided to jump in with both feet and start right where I am instead of trying to "catch up". I'm exhausted. I was up last night, or should I say this morning, until 2:30 finishing stuff for our Junior/Senior Celebration Service at Church. This morning I woke up at 6 and didn't really go back to sleep after that. I know that all of you mothers out there will say to deal with it because you run on that much sleep every day, but I'm not you. I love my sleep, so when I am without it, things don't go so well. For example, I have been calling people by the wrong name all day. Today at church I wasn't feeling the best because of a combination of things. First, little sleep, and second my abs are sore from Turbo Kickboxing. I guess I have been pushing my self to do extra ab work during Turbo since that is where I need to tone up the most. Yeah, I'm really sore. So with all of that, I have felt sick to my stomach today. I skipped lunch to stay at church and finish decorating for the service. About 4, I realized I was hungry so I grabbed a piece of cake at the reception. Then I went to the hospital to visit a friend's grandfather who basically adopted Jill and me when we were little. He had been in the hospital for a few weeks and I really needed to go see him. After that, I drove through Arby's and devoured a #1. It wasn't very good, mostly tasted not fresh and reheated. I was starving at that point and no matter how bad it was, it did quench my hunger. I took a quick nap on the couch and woke up to pack for tomorrow. I'm going to a conference which will be slow and uneventful as compared to the past few months for me. I am grateful for a break, even if I may get bored. We are staying at the Westin Galleria tomorrow night as opposed to coming home and braving the traffic again Tuesday morning. So tomorrow I have to be at Shannon's house at 6:30 packed and ready to go. That is before I normally am even up, so hopefully I can catch up on sleep tonight some and get my butt out of bed in the morning. I am very tempted to sleep in Shannon's car on the way to the conference, but we'll see. On another note, my name is Sandra and I'm a Turbo-a-holic. I never thought I would be addicted to going to the gym but my Turbo class is definitely addictive. I think it is about 20% the challenge and at least 50% Blanca. (For all you people keeping up with the math, I know that is not 100% but I'm not sure what the other 30% is, so there.) Yes, I'm in love with my Turbo instructor. I'm not ashamed to admit it. If you know Blanca, you'd understand. She keeps me laughing and kicks my butt every stinking time I go, which lately has been twice a week. I have a new phone and I love it. It is a Samsung Solstice. This is a big move to the 21st century in my opinion since I now have unlimited text and data. I knew you would be impressed. I may even update my blog and facebook from my phone tomorrow. Look how tech-savy I am becoming. Ok, I'm rambling now. Must stop that. Until later, (insert catchy and inspiring phrase here). Yeah, I got nothing. But that's what you get when I don't get sleep.

6th Anniversary

Last weekend Sandra and I celebrated our 6th anniversary. We went to Davis, OK and stayed in a cabin for a couple of nights and pretty much just relaxed. I'm usually pretty short on words so I'll just post some pictures.

We stayed in the Treehouse Cabin in Warren Woods.

The fishing pond

On Friday we went to the Toy and Action Figure Museum. On Saturday before heading home we walked around the Chickasaw National Reserve

Waiting is Worth It

So one of my new favorite CDs is For Those Who Wait by Fireflight. I bought this and two other CDs on a whim when a local Family Christian Store was going out of business. There are a lot of songs on this CD that speak to me but today I am going to talk about the title song For Those Who Wait. My favorite lyrics are in the bridge.

The pressure makes us stronger. The struggle makes us hunger. The hard lessons make a difference and the difference makes it worth it.

If I always got what I wanted when I wanted it, I would miss all the growing in the process. This time of waiting makes me stronger, makes me realize what I really want, and ultimately makes a difference in my outlook that makes all the struggles worth it. I have learned that it isn't just about the outcome and the destination, it's about the waiting. And someday I'll see it was all worth it. It is no accident that the current unit I am helping teach in Children's Church is about waiting. It is no coincidence that church service after church service, day after day, God is reminding me that waiting is worth it. God knows exactly what he's doing.

One Week Down

This week has been great! I've been getting up early and going walking and praying. I've really been enjoying my time with God. The reason I decided to walk and pray as opposed to just getting up to pray is that I have had a problem in the past getting up to pray and falling back asleep. Maybe it's just the devil fighting me, but more than once the plan to get up and pray without walking has failed. So because I am actually getting out of the house I am able to stay awake while I pray. I know that some people think Christians should have time where the total focus of their time is prayer, but I'm doing what works for me right now. I am actually running a little at the beginning and end of my walk so I am getting a little exercise in there too. My purpose is definitely prayer, but yes I am doing something else while I pray. I am not sharing this to brag on myself but to offer an option that may work for someone else who has problems getting up to pray. I have been asking God for some direction regarding the new things God is bringing to me. It's amazing to me how God leads and guides in ways I don't expect. I know that after all these years, God still moves out the box I try to put him in because he is God and his ways are higher than mine. When you ask God to lead, you expect him to open doors or give ideas, but this week, God has been giving me direction by letting me hear my prayers. When I am praying out loud while I walk I actually am able to hear what I am praying for. I know that I am opening myself up to be led by His Spirit while I pray and the things that are coming out of my mouth are put there by God himself and it amazes to me. No, I don't have all the answers and probably never will, but I am able to see a glimpse of what is coming through hearing myself pray. Also, I truly believe that God leads by giving us the desires of our hearts. I don't mean he gives me what I want, although he is definitely capable of this. I mean he actually puts desires in me that I never would have had otherwise. When I start getting excited about the possibilities and things that may or may not ever happen, I know that God is preparing me for something big. I am sitting on the edge of my seat with my spiritual eyes wide open. Also, this week I did Turbo Kick Boxing 3 times and loved every minute of it. I think I am probably in the best shape of my life. No, I'm not my skinniest, but I have more endurance and my legs and arms are getting toned. Tax season is over and we are getting a chance to breathe again. I know that we don't normally work as much as some big CPA firms, but we worked a lot and I am glad to get back to weeks closer to 40 hours. We are working on quarterly payroll, which should be done next week and then just working on the non-profit returns and odd jobs. Next week we are getting our patio expanded and a pergola added on the back of our house. We are hoping to be able to have a cookout for Father's day over here since Jill will be in town. I'm sure BJ's parents and mine would enjoy coming over to cook out and probably play some cards. I'm not sure we have ever had a get together without playing cards. :) On April 29-May 1, BJ and I are going to a cabin for a few days to celebrate our 6th anniversary. We found a cabin up by Davis OK. This is just far enough away to be away but not so far that it takes forever to get there. I like that. Tomorrow the playoffs for the Mavs start, so I'm sure we will be over at my parents tomorrow to hang out and then watch the game. BJ is about the make the house stink as he prepares stuffed jalapenos and smokes them on the grill for the get-together tomorrow. Also, I have children's church and Sunday School. I should probably get off and finish getting all that together for tomorrow.