Loyal

I guess I've had a lot on my mind today. I have a friend who said I just seem bothered or upset. So, I guess you are all going to get a little venting action today. I don't really write for the reaction it gets (although I am often curious how many people are viewing my blog), but it is very therapeutic for me. If you think I am talking about you in my venting, I am probably not. Its just going to be the overflow of my thoughts in relation to a lot of things going on around me.

I have been serving God a long time and have been at my current church for most of that time (over 26 years) and I've learned a few things.

First I serve God. Although I love my church family, I don't serve them. They are not the ones I am loyal to. So when someone hurts my feelings in the church (even in my small church where everyone knows everything) I do not take that as direction from God to change churches. I take it as opportunity to grow my character. Hurt people hurt people so if you are hurt by another, take the opportunity to help the offender heal by taking their heart to the Great Physician. By being their friend and apologizing when it isn't your fault. By loving them through it. By letting everything be a teachable moment in your life. Goodness, none of us are perfect and we all can be taught and can grow.

Second, feeling alone is not an anomaly that only happens when you are out of God's will. The Bible tells us that when a house is divided, it won't stand. So how does the devil divide? He makes us feel like we are the only people in the world that are going through this. That feel this way. That the people sitting on our pew don't like us and don't talk to us because we don't fit in. Yes we are people who need others, who need connection (some more than others based on our personalities), and we need to try to encourage and connect with others within the body of Christ as much as we can. But this world is not our home. We aren't going to always "feel" connected. It doesn't change Gods will, his plan, his purpose. I do believe that Jesus felt quite alone when he was on earth. Even among his disciples he couldn't find one who would stay up and pray with him in his time of need in the Garden of Gethsemene. He went off by himself alone a lot to spend time with God. He knew he wasn't alone and he knew where to find that deep companionship. And he was fully, 100% in God's will.

Third, being a part of church is important. When you feel alone and start bowing out of your responsibilities, thinking you just need a break and a time to rest, you lose the accountability. And the very thing that you thought would make things better now makes you feel less needed and more alone. And people care about you, but often times, we choose to give you space. Because it really is between you and God, and we don't want to be pushy, but our experience tells us that you are drifting away and will never really be back like it was. The reality is that often times when we feel like we don't have time to teach that class or lead prayer, we have made a conscious effort to be stretched too thin in other areas of our life. Instead of giving up the extra, we give up our connection to the church body. And then we wonder why we feel alone there. I have very purposefully chosen not to do many extra curricular activities with many kids. They rotate and right now Katelynn is taking piano lessons. I have no desire to give up Wednesday night church or the 2 o clock service. If things get to busy, I choose to give up piano lessons. It's a matter of priorities and serving God and my kids having church Godly friends is more important to me. I know every parent has to make that decision for their family, and it's a hard one. There is a lot of pressure to put your kid in everything that comes up and keep up with everyone else. No one else is accountable for my decisions but me and so I chose wisely.

Fourth, we all have times where we feel like we are in a rut and need a change. I personally don't like change,  so I am okay with being in my nice rut. Until God says move. And then I begrudgingly move. The last month or so in my Sunday School class has been hard. Some of it is the busyness of the holidays and some of it is the falling away I blogged about previously. And Missionettes has been that way too. I really need to talk to Pastor and get some guidance in both of these areas and how he thinks we should change things up for the future. So maybe that is what had put me in a weird mood. Just kinda feeling in limbo right now. And as usual, I will just hold on to God as he continues to lead us closer to him.