The Good Stuff About My Kids

Being a parent is tough, but I don't want you to think for one second that I'd have it any other way. Yeah, I cry a lot about good things and bad. Ok, I really cry about everything. And I am hormonal like a new mom without a real hormone imbalance to blame.  And at the same time, there isn't a thing in the world I wouldn't do for my babies.  Yes, they are my babies even though they are 7,6, and 4. And there are moments I carry them around the house like babies and sing lullabies to them because they ask me to.  They are the sweetest most loving kids I could ever ask for.  They are the best huggers in the world. Right now H loves to give me really tight squeeze hugs. The kind that makes you lose your breath each time she squeezes you.  I almost feel like I am getting the Heimlich.  But I love it.  And D is just so sweet. I now understand what my friend Kim said about the love she has for her boys.  If you don't have both boys and girls I'd guess you wouldn't understand.  It's different, but in the best way possible.  He just melts my heart so many times a day. Such a sweet little guy who really wants to please God and tries so hard to be a good listener and to obey mom and dad even though it doesn't always turn out that way. And K. She sings everything.  Makes up songs all day long about whatever is on her mind.  Just like her Grandpa. Such a free spirit, loves to share and play with her older siblings and copy whatever they are doing.  It annoys them usually and I get that since I am the oldest, but it is still so sweet.  She has such a tender heart and gets her feelings hurt when she has to be disciplined for not following the rules. Reminds me of my sister in that way. She loves being the baby and will request to sit on my lap or be carried everywhere, and I oblige quite a bit, because soon I really won't be able to since she is growing like a weed. I asked K this week if our house was full and she said "No, we need more kids. There's room, mom!" Makes me smile.

This weekend they were all so sweet with their baby cousin Erin.  Each of them had their moments of talking sweet to her and entertaining her on the floor and hugging on her.  And she loved them too.  When she gets a little older, they are going to be great friends and baby sitters. Now, if we could just get Erin (and her parents) to the great state of Texas and away from Chicagoland...

And they loved playing and hanging out with their great grandparents.  It was so nice for them to be able to meet them and really get some individual attention before the crowds showed up.  Haley kept saying how she loved how big her new family was. We had 35 on Thanksgiving at my parents house, including 14 kids. (Only 4 of those weren't family)

And those three are going to be great older siblings when God gives us more kids. When. Not if. I am still convinced that God isn't done growing our family. But right now, I'm not rushing things and just enjoying the family he has given us now, at this time in our lives. There is no point in wishing today away, but instead I choose to enjoy the moments, because we can't get them back later.

Teaching them Young - Giving Thanks

As a sort of continuation from yesterday's post, tonight when I put K to bed I said a short prayer with her (we all say family prayers together at the dining room table) that Jesus would keep her safe and I told the Devil to leave her alone in Jesus name.  We've been talking about how they have authority when they are scared or are having bad dreams to tell the devil to leave them alone because Jesus gave us that power. We've been practicing saying "In Jesus name, stop" and "In Jesus name, Devil leave me alone." So as I finished my prayer that I wasn't even sure she was listening to, her sweet voice said, "In Jesus name, Devil go away and let me sleep."  So sweet. So innocent.  So powerful!  It is just amazing to me how kids learn so fast and trust that whatever you tell them is true (well, as long as you aren't saying something they don't want to happen like time-out or writing sentences, but that is a whole post in itself.) So for now she is sleeping soundly and I am trusting that God is doing what she asked and keeping that pesky Devil away so she can sleep and sleep well tonight.

Today I am thankful for innocent child-like faith that believes God will do what he has promised and is not inhibited by experience or knowledge that introduces doubt and human reasoning into the equation.

Giving Thanks - Day #532

At this point I am so far behind on giving thanks each day, that I've decided it isn't even worth trying to catch up. Yeah, life happens. Oh well.  I have gotten further this year than I have any other year, so 13 days in a row is a new record for me.

Today I am thankful for the authority we have in Christ over the devil.  (Ok, so I may step on a few toes in this post based on what you believe in regards to the devil, so if you are easily offended or like to believe the devil doesn't exist and doesn't attack, you may want to skip this one.) Tonight K was having a nightmare.  She has those kind of often (2-3 times a week) and it's actually pretty common for kids who come from hard places. They have endured some horrific things and sometimes they relive it in their minds and through nightmares.  But this was the worse I've ever seen her.  I heard her crying in her bed and went in to wake her up so I could comfort her, but she wouldn't wake up.  I brought her to the living room and continued to try and wake her up for the better part of 20 minutes.  Somewhere in my attempts, I started to pray for her. To assert my authority over whatever was tormenting her. I believe as a parent, I have spiritual authority over the devil and his attacks against my children.  By using God's word and the authority I have, I was able to get her to wake up and whatever was torturing her left. Praise God! I am thankful for the authority over the devil by the blood of Jesus.  I hate that my baby has to be scared and fearful but I will keep attacking the devil and fighting for my kids as long as I have breath and he has no choice but to submit to the authority I have in Jesus.

And I am once again reminded that this is going to be a battle and I'd better be ready to fight the devil and his tactics.  I know a lot about where my kids are coming from, but I wasn't there, and I don't know every opportunity in their lives the devil had to gain influence over them.  And quite frankly it isn't fair for them to have to start behind the ball, spiritually, with so much already that they know and that taints their innocence.  But this is where we are and I am ready for the fight. So, devil you'd better get ready, cause this Mommy is gonna fight hard and isn't going to give up until there is victory and freedom for my kids.

Giving Thanks - Day #13

Today I am thankful for the cold I have.  Stay with me and it'll make sense, I promise. I have been feeling pretty yucky for the past few days.  Today I am kinda in a daze and while for most people that would be bad, it has taught me to chill out some. Since we got the kids I have been going full force trying to be consistent and to discipline them for their good.  And to some extent it has worked.  And the flip side of that coin is that I have been nit picking everything to death and it was probably stressing them out as much as it was me. But today, when I was really too tired or in a daze to care about all the little things, I chilled out and really I think the kids responded to me much better. (Maybe they were just being nice because they knew I didn't feel good.)  We are turning a corner here, I think. Maybe I am getting the hang of this.  My friend Elaine told me to pick my battles and I never really understood that until today.  Being a parent is hard and new for me, but I really hope that I have learned from this mistake at least, and am able to calm down and stop trying to create perfect kids. I can't rely on myself or my methods because I will always fail. Because I am insufficient, but my God is not. I am learning to do less picking apart every detail and more praying to the one who can speak to my kids, who can help them, and who provides the strength and wisdom I need to raise them to love and serve Him. So, yes, today I am thankful for a silly little cold.

Giving Thanks - Day #11 and #12

I was doing so well and then, well life has been a little crazy here and this hasn't been priority. So I apologize, and will do two days in this one post.

I am thankful for my sister. I would dare to say that over the years she has been my only constant friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Yes, we've had our moments (mainly my moments, mind you) where we haven't exactly gotten along, but I am so glad God gave her to me. Even though I wasn't too thrilled to have a little sister and lose the attention I rightfully deserved, it has all worked out in the end.  She is a Godly woman and has a real heart for worship and ministry.  I am glad we've gotten the opportunity to travel and sing/play together in Splitfish and more recently to lead worship together on several occasions.  Before she moved to Chicago we could just look at each other and know what we were thinking and leading worship together was a breeze.  We are also a force to be reckoned with whenever we play any team game together.  So much so that they have banned us from being partners anymore because we smear everyone else, especially at Pictionary.  I tell you, we have the same mind when it comes to that stuff.  More recently, she has made me the aunt of the most adorable little girl on the planet, Miss Erin.  She is such a sweetheart and I am excited they are coming to visit in less than two weeks. I am also quite excited for our kiddos to meet Jill and Sam and Erin.  This is going to be our first holiday with kids! Yippee!

Secondly, I am thankful for the Sunday School class I teach.  When I started teaching 4 and a half years ago (I think), God was moving me from 1st and 2nd graders to college and career.  If you've ever taught Sunday School, you have to know that is a big change.  From kids to your peers basically. Huge!  But God has used this opportunity to stretch me in ways I never imagined.  I have learned to hear God clearly and let him speak through me to those kids (I use the term loosely since they are only 5-10 years younger than I am). I love my students and am so glad God has put them in my life. Yes, there are times when I feel like I'm talking to the wall or no one is listening, but I know and am convinced that for now, God has me exactly where he wants me and it is such a blessing to be in that place.

Giving Thanks - Day #10

Today I am thankful for second chances.  We all make mistakes and there is a such thing as an accident (although I am having trouble convincing my kids of that since they think if anything is done to their stuff or them it must be on purpose).  I am glad that God gives second chances.  Every second is a second chance for starting over.  Yeah, we are gonna mess things up, but by God's grace we can be forgiven (by God and whomever we have hurt) and get up and try again.  Trying again means we have to admit when we mess things up (which can be hard to do for some of us, me included), ask for forgiveness and be willing to get back up on that bike and ride it again, knowing full well that you will mess it up again someday, and that is okay. One of my friends from church has a saying at her job that everyday is a Monday. A new chance. A fresh day to make different choices and get different outcomes.  A new day full of new mercies from the Lord and new opportunities to be a blessing. So whatever happened a minute ago is over and I now have a second chance to do things differently.

Tonight we (well BJ was in the room but not really talking) had a talk with H.  We have been having some issues with her being disrespectful to us. I know that I mess things up sometimes, but it has not seemed to make a difference if I am stern and loud or soft and compassionate.  I have been getting the same back talk, the same disrespect.  Tonight I asked her what we needed to do differently to be able to help her.  She is only 7 so she really didn't know how to answer that.  But she opened up and began to share about being sad and missing her family and not really understanding why she couldn't live with them and how when she gets older she wants to visit them. It so easy to forget that she isn't just a normal kid, but a kid with a lot of emotional baggage that she doesn't know how to sort through.  Seeing her that way helped me to be more compassionate toward her.  We talked to her about how we picked her and her siblings and prayed that God would let us be their parents if it was his will.  Her face lit up when she realized that we picked them out of a bunch of kids and wanted to be the best parents we can for them.  We've had the discussion about all we had to do to be able to adopt them before, but just like I forget where they are coming from, she had forgotten what we've been through to get us to this place where we are all together as a family.  So we made a pact with each other that we are gonna try and do things differently.  She knows we love her and she really loves us but sometimes neither one of us do a very good job showing it. So we've agreed to have a new start.  From now on, when we are frustrated with each other or angry or sad, we've decided that we just need to give each other a hug until we calm down and are able to better deal with the situation. I really hope that we both keep up our ends of the deal and are able to bond more with her and give each other a little more grace while we are in this time of transition.  I love our talks because they usually end with H giving me a big long hug and saying "I want to hug you forever." Being a mom is not easy, but some days, it is just so rewarding! 

Thank you God for second chances with my kids!

Giving Thanks - Day #9

Today I am thankful for parents that live close by and are going to be able to help us with watching the kids before and/or after school. Next week I return to full time work which means K will be staying with one of her grandmothers in the morning before school and grandparents will be picking all the kids up from school in the afternoon. Tonight at dinner (we have dinner every Wednesday night at my parents which includes the 5 of us, my parents and B.J.'s parents) I shared with the grandmas what the plan will be for the next few weeks. I had it in my head that we'd have to leave my house at 7:30 in the morning to go and drop K off and then drive back to the school (which is across the street from my house) and take H&D to school.  Both grandma's said they figured they'd come to our house instead of me driving everyone all over the place.  I'd never even thought about that since I figured it was my responsibility to make this as easy for them as possible, and I am so grateful that they offered. It is nice to feel like they are willing to help us. I mean I should know that since they love our kids a lot, but it is still something I am very appreciative of. It is so nice for the kids to be able to be cared for by grandparents and not have to put them in daycare. I am praying everything will work out as well as it seems that it will. Of course as soon as we have a routine, it'll be the crazy schedule of the holidays, but I've been told kids are pretty flexible so hopefully we can keep moving forward and keep growing as a family.

Giving Thanks - Day #8

Today I am thankful for the blood of Jesus.  I thought about writing this post a few days back and then again yesterday, but the moment just wasn't right.  In Sunday School, our class was about the power of the blood of Jesus in our lives.  We talked about forgiveness, redemption, reconciliation, and victory. There are a couple of thoughts I want to reiterate here.

Reconciliation is defined as bringing back to harmony with, to restore, to have relationship with. It is just beyond me that God would give up his son so that he could have relationship with me.  Romans 5:8 has been going over and over in my mind this week.  It says that God showed us his love by sending Jesus to die while we were still sinners. Since I am a parent now, I can relate to God in different ways than before. I see things differently I guess.  No matter how upset my children make me, or how frustrated I am at them for not listening or not obeying or defying me, while they are in the middle of the rebellion that causes strife between us, I would still do anything for them.  It's just like God with us.  No matter what we have said to him or done to him or how far we are running or deliberately breaking his heart, when we were at our worst, that is when he chose to give up his son for us. So he could have relationship with us.  It is not enough for us to know about him, he wants us to know him and share ourselves with him. Every imperfect detail. And that relationship with God can be stronger than any relationship you have ever had or ever will have with another human being.  Amazing!  He shed the blood of his son so we can come boldly to him, without fear, without hesitation.  To have an intimate relationship with the creator of the universe.

The price of our victory over sin and struggle is the blood of Jesus.  We can never be over-comers on our own, but only through the blood.  The precious blood provides our victory.  And there is no such thing as victory without a struggle.  If your opposition gives in or chooses not to participate in the battle, there is no struggle, and there is no victory.  In order to have victory you must be involved in an encounter over which one can be victorious.  So, if your struggling, you are half way to the victory.  The other half is relying on the blood and not our methods and our ways.  They work fine in the physical world we live in, but in a spiritual battle, you have to use spiritual weapons and you don't get those from yourself.

Giving Thanks - Day #7

I am thankful for 8 o'clock bedtime.  It is the source of my sanity.  Even if it turns into 8:30 or 9.  Me time. Me and B.J. time. No crying or whining. No "mom" this or "mom" that.  Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. But I am very thankful for kids who go to bed at 8 and sleep all night most of the time.  I am thankful that I still get my wind down time at the end of a busy day.  To just sit and be or watch TV, or chill, or update my blog without interruption from little people.

Going along with that, I'm generally thankful for bed time.  When the kids are winding down (mostly) and are the most loving and affectionate usually. One of my favorite things to do between showers and bed time is make people sandwiches.  I am usually on the bottom with 1 to 3 kids laying on top of me and I squeeze them tight thus creating a K or H or D sandwich (depending on which kid managed to get in the middle).  They love this too (the girls probably more than D).  It's moments like this that I feel the most loved and feel like they are really bonding with us.  It is hard sometimes because they don't know us anymore than we know them, and we are all going through an adjustment time. Also at bed time we read our picture Bible together and each person prays.  Sometimes their prayers can be really telling and sometimes they are so over it and say the minimum required prayer of "Dear God, Thank you, I love you, Amen."  D is really trying to be a good listener and prays every night that God will help him to listen better and not talk back. He also prays that we will get good rest and sleep well.  I have seen so much improvement in him in the past three weeks. He is probably my easiest child right now.  I didn't think I would say that this soon.  They told us he would be the hardest to adjust, but he seems to be doing really well. He is recognizing which of his behaviors are not allowed and he is making good choices to curve some of his behavior. The girls are having a little harder time connecting the dots.  I think I'm going to try and let BJ take care of H.  I have said before that we are so much alike.  Each kid is so different, but if I were to guess, I'd say I am the hardest on her.  I think I expect too much out of her and I really have to work on remembering she is only 7 and she has been through a lot and is in an adjustment period too. 

Parenting is so hard, but we are getting in a routine, kind of.  Next week I go back to working full time, so our permanent schedule will be able to be established at that point, just before all the holidays hit and throw everyone off of their normal schedule.  There are days when I just want to give up, and quite honestly this past weekend was like that.  Not because of the kids so much as because of me. (I refuse to take all the credit though since they weren't exactly angels either.) I think I expect too much out of myself as a parent.  I had a someone recently tell me to cut myself some slack. New parents of infants don't get everything right and they struggle with routines and lack of sleep and learning their children. Often times they spend all day in sweats and never get around to daily things such as showers.  She said I should think of myself just like that and shouldn't expect myself to make all the right decisions and do everything perfectly right off the bat.  It takes practice and time and making a lot of mistakes.  I am trying to chill and not be disappointed with myself every time I get upset with the kids, and by God's grace and with a lot of prayer I'll keep taking steps in the right direction and about the time I think I have it figured out, I'll end up pregnant. God does have a sense of humor and a way of keeping us in our place. Ha!

Giving Thanks - Day #6

Today I am thankful for my church family. It has been a rough couple of days.  Being a mom is hard, and being an instant mom of three kids that I don't even really know is even harder.  Today I was just frustrated and stressed but my church family knows how to encourage me and lift me up.  I was a wreck today, crying at the drop of a hat, and just an emotional mess.  And I was met with a ton of hugs and prayers.  It is just nice to know people care and when they say they are praying for you, they really are. I have been at my current church since before I turned five, so I've literally grown up there and some of them know me better than some of my biological family.  And I wouldn't change churches for anything.  I love it here.  I belong. God has surrounded me with people who serve the same God as I do and are able to encourage me and keep me moving forward in this journey to be more like God and please him with every part of my life.

Giving Thanks - Day #5

Today I am thankful for tears.  Yeah, I cry all the time. When something is sappy, when I'm stressed, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, at movies, at TV shows, at books. And I'm grateful for the tears, even when they are brought on by sadness or worry. There was a time in my life when I was so apathetic to everything, nothing brought me to tears. I was just going through the motions. My tears tell me that I'm loving and living and putting myself out there. Being vulnerable, in the good and the bad. After I've had a good cry (which seems to be a lot lately) I always feel better. It's a good emotional release for me and I am truly thankful to God for allowing me to cry because I've lived without tears and it was horrible. 

This started out as a kind of serious post, but I am sitting here laughing.  All I can think about is that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond called "Alone Time."  Debra tells Ray that she loves crying, that it makes her feel better.  The show closes with Ray trying to make himself cry to test out Debra's theory, making goofy crying and sad faces with no results.  He gives up and turns on "Soul Sister" and dances in his best white boy way.  It is such a funny episode. It just proves my point, that crying isn't a horrible thing and tears are indeed something to be thankful for.

Giving Thanks - Day #4

Today I am thankful for God's word and the ability to memorize easily.  I don't know where I would be without a scripture to stand on or a promise to trust in from God. God's word is an extension of who He is.  It reminds me who I am in Christ and what God has promised for those who love him, which is a lot.  If you know me, you know I have memorized a big portion of God's word over the years in Sunday School, Missionettes, Bible Quiz, and otherwise. In most of those situations I learned God's word not because of the benefit it would give me but to get a goal accomplished, whether it was a competition or finishing a badge.  And I am so grateful for the competitions that pushed me to do something that would benefit me in life so much more than I realized in the heat of the competition.  I cannot count the number of times I have been able to locate a scripture verse to apply to a struggle or situation I was dealing with because I had put God's word into my heart at a young age and continue to do so. It has been life changing for me to not have to rely on a physical reference but to have God's word in my memory bank to pull from when I need it.

My favorite thing about God's word is that just like God, it doesn't change but stands forever.  God's word doesn't depend on me but is constant despite what I am going through or how everything else is changing around me and my life is complete chaos right now.  If you know me, I don't like change too well, so I'm glad to have the constant in my life of God's word. The kids and I have been listening to a couple CDs of scripture memory verse songs and I enjoy it as much as the kids, maybe more.  Here's my favorite song right now from those CDs. The video seems to not start at exactly the beginning, but it is all I could find online.

By the way, if you are interested, I found these scripture memory CD's for kids and love them.  I find that often the songs do the job of helping to memorize scripture, but annoy the adults in the process.  Not good.  These are cool and really aren't annoying, or at least to me they aren't.  I find myself singing these songs throughout the day and it really keeps me going.

Thank you God for you word and how it changes me!

Giving Thanks - Day #3

Today, I am thankful for my wonderful husband, B.J. I have said it time and time again, but it still rings true that God knew exactly what he was doing when he brought us together. No, God didn't give me what I thought I needed or wanted, but he gave me B.J. which proves that God's plans are better than our own.  He is very patient and supportive of me in everything I do.  He mellows me out when I am stressed or angry.  He is constant and not easily angered.  He sees me as beautiful when I see my flaws.  He buys me gifts and does thoughtful things just to show me he loves me.  He is my better half and completes me. He is a Godly example to our kids. I am so grateful that God has given me B.J.

Giving Thanks - Day #2

Today I am thankful for my job and coworkers.  I have worked at Sommerville & Associates since August of 2002 and really feel like it has been a Godsend to me.  I have been there since before I finished my undergrad degree and have grown from part time receptionist to CPA and professional over that time. I am thankful that the majority of our clientele and my coworkers are Christians and we can encourage each other and pray for each other on a daily basis.  Because our primary practice is helping religious nonprofits with tax compliance and IRS filings, I feel like it is not just my job, but my ministry.  Yes, there are tax deadlines and stressful times, but for the most part I really love what I do.  

I also am thankful that my employer is very understanding and willing to work with me and is pretty flexible as far as when I work and being able to get off for holidays and family priorities and such.  I know that if something comes up personally that demands my attention, I will not get yelled at if I need to deal with something and need some time off.  With that comes the understanding that the work will get done and as a team we will work together to help each other as much as we can.  I am thankful that I am able to work part time for these first 4 weeks with the kids in order to get things settled and help everyone adjust to the new normal. If I didn't have the mornings to do laundry and dishes and take care of other errands right now, I would be even more crazy than I already am. Honestly, I really didn't think I'd need to take so much time off (because I obviously had never done this before and thought I was Wonder Woman or something), but I am grateful that my employer made me. Because I really need this time right now. For the sake of my sanity and the well-being of my family.

Thank you God for your many blessings!

Disclaimer: The order in which I am posting is not based on priority but on whatever pops into my head at the moment.

Giving Thanks - Day #1

November is here and I've decided to try and post each day until Thanksgiving about something I am thankful for.  And it couldn't have come at a better time. 

I am exhausted and stressed and so in over my head, but today I choose to be thankful for my kids. God has entrusted them to me and I am so grateful.  It is all about perspective.  I am quickly realizing you can never be fully prepared for what life with three kids will be like.  I suppose it is different when you raise the kids from birth and add them one at a time, but God didn't choose that plan for us. And that is okay.  I would be lying if I didn't admit that I am often times envious of the normal family.  Sometimes I am angry and overwhelmed with how unfair life has been.  And then I remember God has us exactly where he wants us and these are our kids, even if we haven't raised them from birth.  And He is strengthening us and equipping us to help our kids by His Spirit.

Today I am thankful for sweet moments with our kids...
-Like when K knew I was stressed yesterday and made an effort to give me a hug and tell me that she was glad that we were her forever family and the ones she was looking for.
-Or like tonight when I tucked H into bed and she said she wanted to hug me longer and not let go.
-Or when D hugs me so tight and makes sure to beat me to the punch and say he loves me first.

Because some days I just need to step back and change my perspective. Thank you God for your goodness!